Why do we feel so gutted when we already knew it hadn't worked?

[CurlySue]

Fourth month in a row, I failed to ovulate on Clomid (wonderdrug my fucking arse. Placebo, to me, and bad one at that!). AF came today, CD28 so, Clomid has regulated my cycles but stopped my ovulation completely where it was supposed to regulate it.

Why am I crying my eyes out when I have known for the past week that it didn't work? Why, every day, did I check my CM and position?

Why did I still have hope when there was none?

Anyone else torture themselves like this?

 

[missmarls]

I do the same thing...even though I know month after month that AF is on her way, I still hold out hope! It makes me so angry with myself but I don't want to think about how much more depressed I'd feel if I didn't have that little glimmer of hope every month. I'm so sorry you're going through this,

 

[CurlySue]

I have had enough of this, now. I don't think I'm mentally strong enough to cope with much more.

 

[vineyard]

How many mg of clomid are you on?

 

[CurlySue]

I was on 100mg. Cannot take any higher than that because it already gives me vision disturbance and severe headaches.

 

[Wishing4baby]

Have you been put on any other fertility drug beside clomid??

 

[CurlySue]

Nope, just Clomid.

 

[Wishing4baby]

there is a medication that my dr said she would try if the clomid didnt work....perganol? ever heard of it? I havet looked it up or anything but maybe you can suggest it to your dr. I dont really know what exactly it does...some sort of hormone therapy. Not sure but thought I could mention it to you.

 

[chefamy1122]

I am really sorry that the Clomid did not work for you. My dr had put me on 150 mg and it did not make me ovulate either. My next step was the Follistim injections. I don't really know your history, but if you want to chat, just pm me.
to you

 

[vineyard]

I really would think they could do some FSH with an HCG trigger......The problem is, you have to be really closely monitored with it.

 

[Wishing4baby]

Im trying to do research on the Perganol. Here is something that someone else had posted. Looks like she got pregnant with the perganol shots:

"I took Clomid for 4 years. I took a few months breaks during that time. At the time I wasn't concerned about long term effects because I wanted a baby so bad. Now I have 2 beautiful little girls ages 4 yrs and 20 months (one with perganol and one with no fertility drugs)
Now I am concerned if taking clomid for such an extended period of time if there are any risk? I only took Perganol once and got pregnant.





Maybe you should ask the DR about the perganol??

 

[pixielou]

Yeah, understand how you feel. I took it aswell for 6months with no effect. Every month when I started my af I felt poo. Still I mustered up the optimism after a few days to look forward to the next phase etc and I'm sure you will too!
X

 

[miel]

i would feel the same way for sure ...may be you need to go back to the doc and see what else can you take ?
be strong

 

[CurlySue]

I just had a panic attack, threw up and made the conscious acknowledgment that I do believe I am depressed.

Now I need to be strong enough to do something about it.

 

[JASMAK]

First of all to you. You have been through alot. I think you should talk to your DR about a different drug. Those "super-ovulation" drugs. Hon, I am so sorry Clomid has not worked for you. Getting your hopes up with this drug, only to be let down...well, it's just not fair!

 

[CurlySue]

I feel panicky, edgy, heartbroken, sick, nauseous, lethargic. You know what I thought today? I thought that I actually wanted to get a sodding knife and just dig it into my palm and I didn't know why.

 

[JASMAK]

I think that you should really talk to someone. I don't know if I ever told anyone on the site this before, but I basically had a nervous break down in June. I did. I was a basket case. It all boiled down to this shit...TTC without success. I had to take five weeks off. This is HARD. This is so emotionally draining. And, I cannot even imagine how much more difficult this is for those who don't have any children at all. Sue, find someone (a DR) and talk to them about this. Maybe your specialist knows of someone who specializing in counselling for those with "infertility". I am thinking of you.

 

[Mrs R]

Hi CurlySue

I totally agree with the above post. It sounds like you need to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about.

With IVF, you're generally offered fertility counselling so I don't see why it should be any different if you are having any kind of fertility treatment.

Big hugs to you