Why is it getting worse?

[dancareoi]

It`s been almost 6 weeks since we found our LO had died and almost 4 since we laid our LO to rest.

I thought each day would start to get a little easier, maybe go a day without crying and at first i think I may have managed this, but not now.

I feel I am back to square one. I just feel like crying all the time and a lot of he time I am crying.

I would have been 23 weeks pregnant now.

I am just so sad at the moment I just can`t see how things are going to get better..

 

[PallyD]

Sorry right now I'm not great at giving advice but I want to send over big hugs and say I'm thinking of you. Sorry I don't know how to do the pic hugs when sending a reply. At the moment I'm trying to keep myself distracted not sure if you think that would help you. Here if you need to talk. xxx

 

[feeble]

Sweetie did you get a post Mortem? Did they tell you why?

I didn't feel like anything was getting better til after the due day x

 

[dancareoi]

Thank you both for your kind words.

Pally - i does help to try and do other things, although last week whilst we were away, things felt worse.
i think the problem was the last time we went there was over the new year, when I still thought i was pregnant.
So everytime we did something or went somewhere in my head i was saying `last time we did this i thought i was pregnant`
Perhaps now we are back I can get back to my norma routine.
Also when I just do as a `reply` i can`t get the smileys, like on this reply, but if i reply with quote i can!

Feeble - we decided against a PM for baby. It would have taken another 2-3 weeks for this to happen and we didn`t want to keep waiting,we just needed closure.
A PM might not have come up with anything. The doctors at the hospital said it was doubtful it was anything genetic as we already have 3 healthy children.

I need TTC again ASAP, but DH is in two minds, this isnt helping either.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Lisa,
That is the normal process of grieving. It really doesn't start to get better for almost 1 year, that was true for me anyway. 6 weeks is a very short time and at the time for me I was a mess I know everyone reaches their level of acceptance at certain points, but it took me almost 10 to 11 months to be ok and for the crying to subside. I still cry but not like I used to.

I promise you time will heal you , I know you probably hate hearing that, but it is true . You will get through this, Lisa and get to a place where the loss wont be as hard.. XOXOOX Thinking of you

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa,
That is the normal process of grieving. It really doesn't start to get better for almost 1 year, that was true for me anyway. 6 weeks is a very short time and at the time for me I was a mess I know everyone reaches their level of acceptance at certain points, but it took me almost 10 to 11 months to be ok and for the crying to subside. I still cry but not like I used to.

I promise you time will heal you , I know you probably hate hearing that, but it is true . You will get through this, Lisa and get to a place where the loss wont be as hard.. XOXOOX Thinking of you

Thanks Andrea, I know it`s early days still. i didn`t know it was possible for someone to cry so much!!

 

[Andypanda6570]

Lisa,
That is the normal process of grieving. It really doesn't start to get better for almost 1 year, that was true for me anyway. 6 weeks is a very short time and at the time for me I was a mess I know everyone reaches their level of acceptance at certain points, but it took me almost 10 to 11 months to be ok and for the crying to subside. I still cry but not like I used to.

I promise you time will heal you , I know you probably hate hearing that, but it is true . You will get through this, Lisa and get to a place where the loss wont be as hard.. XOXOOX Thinking of you

Thanks Andrea, I know it`s early days still. i didn`t know it was possible for someone to cry so much!!

I know I said the same thing. Lisa, I cried so much after I lost Ava that one eye was swollen shut I could not believe it and at the time I was like why is my eye swollen shut? My husband said Andrea from crying. I was in another world that I didn't even connect my crying to my eye/ I am so sorry, Lisa. I hate to read that you are crying, I know I have been there and it hurts so much I wish I could take your pain away, but I know I cant . All i can do is promise you that things will get better, never over this but you do get through it. Please know I care about you and I am always here if you need me...XOOXOXO

 

[feeble]

Thank you both for your kind words.

Pally - i does help to try and do other things, although last week whilst we were away, things felt worse.
i think the problem was the last time we went there was over the new year, when I still thought i was pregnant.
So everytime we did something or went somewhere in my head i was saying `last time we did this i thought i was pregnant`
Perhaps now we are back I can get back to my norma routine.
Also when I just do as a `reply` i can`t get the smileys, like on this reply, but if i reply with quote i can!

Feeble - we decided against a PM for baby. It would have taken another 2-3 weeks for this to happen and we didn`t want to keep waiting,we just needed closure.
A PM might not have come up with anything. The doctors at the hospital said it was doubtful it was anything genetic as we already have 3 healthy children.

I need TTC again ASAP, but DH is in two minds, this isnt helping either.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I understand why you want to try again but i also understand your husbands thoughts, I hope that you can work something out, maybe try again for a little bit and see if anything happens?

good luck with it all xx

 

[Bride2b]

Lisa dont feel bad about crying, in your head you think that the crying isnt doing any good and that you are sad all the time, but crying is releasing your grief & ultimately will be be helping you in the long run.
I was crying alot in the early days, I still might have a day a week where I cant stop crying, and some days where every now and again my eyes well up and I shed a few tears but I am able to control it. I am almost 12 weeks in. I find everything so hard to deal with. Part of my 'problem' is that I dont want to talk and get upset around my OH as he lost his dad 2 months before we lost our baby, so his emotions are really raw. The last thing he needs is me being upset. I know if his dad hadnt passed away I would probably be in a different place (I hope that doesnt sound selfish), but I am trying to protect him from my grief.

I dont know about you but its like time is standing still, I want to be in that place where I can deal with it. I dont know how life will ever be happy again, as how can you be happy when you have had to live through this? I know in time wounds heal, but its always going to be there.

I hope your OH comes round, like I have said to you so many times as I know all too well the desire to have that baby & make things better. The only way I think I will be able to 'live' again will be once I know I am expecting & get passed the 'danger zone.'

Take care xxx

 

[dancareoi]

Lisa dont feel bad about crying, in your head you think that the crying isnt doing any good and that you are sad all the time, but crying is releasing your grief & ultimately will be be helping you in the long run.
I was crying alot in the early days, I still might have a day a week where I cant stop crying, and some days where every now and again my eyes well up and I shed a few tears but I am able to control it. I am almost 12 weeks in. I find everything so hard to deal with. Part of my 'problem' is that I dont want to talk and get upset around my OH as he lost his dad 2 months before we lost our baby, so his emotions are really raw. The last thing he needs is me being upset. I know if his dad hadnt passed away I would probably be in a different place (I hope that doesnt sound selfish), but I am trying to protect him from my grief.

I dont know about you but its like time is standing still, I want to be in that place where I can deal with it. I dont know how life will ever be happy again, as how can you be happy when you have had to live through this? I know in time wounds heal, but its always going to be there.

I hope your OH comes round, like I have said to you so many times as I know all too well the desire to have that baby & make things better. The only way I think I will be able to 'live' again will be once I know I am expecting & get passed the 'danger zone.'

Take care xxx

I know time is a great healer, people have said it to me before and I have also said it to so many others. But as you say how can we ever be happy again after going through this.
I don`t think i`ve laughed since this has happened. I have smiled a few times, especially at my youngest, he will be 2 in May, so at the moment everything is so new and exciting. As i said to my DH, i may be smiling in my mouth, but my soul isn`t.
At the moment time has just stopped.
I know what you mean about being able to live again when pregnant. To me that is the only way i am going to get through this. That was how I got through it the last time. (although looking back now that wasnt as bad as this time, it happened earlier at 8 weeks and i never saw that baby, this time is different)
i know when I did become PG again after last MMC every day was a constant worry until he was in my arms.
An experience like this takes the joy out of pregnancy and replaces it with worry and fear.
Look after yourself.
Lisa

 

[4.26.08]

It`s been almost 6 weeks since we found our LO had died and almost 4 since we laid our LO to rest.

I thought each day would start to get a little easier, maybe go a day without crying and at first i think I may have managed this, but not now.

I feel I am back to square one. I just feel like crying all the time and a lot of he time I am crying.

I would have been 23 weeks pregnant now.

I am just so sad at the moment I just can`t see how things are going to get better..

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know exactly how you are feeling. It has been 3 weeks since we lost our LO I too, thought with each passing day things would get better...but I woke up this morning crying. :/ I started back working this week and it helped get my mind on something other than our loss. All I can offer is a HUGE internet hug bc I know that there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. thinking of u........

 

[dancareoi]

It`s been almost 6 weeks since we found our LO had died and almost 4 since we laid our LO to rest.

I thought each day would start to get a little easier, maybe go a day without crying and at first i think I may have managed this, but not now.

I feel I am back to square one. I just feel like crying all the time and a lot of he time I am crying.

I would have been 23 weeks pregnant now.

I am just so sad at the moment I just can`t see how things are going to get better..

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know exactly how you are feeling. It has been 3 weeks since we lost our LO I too, thought with each passing day things would get better...but I woke up this morning crying. :/ I started back working this week and it helped get my mind on something other than our loss. All I can offer is a HUGE internet hug bc I know that there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. thinking of u........

I am so sorry you are feeling this way too, it sucks doesn`t it?
I don`t work, I am a stay at home mom. In a way,like you say, being at work probably does take your mind off things.
Sending you a big internet hug back.

 

[Nikki_d72]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way - it happened to me as well between about 6 and 8 weeks after we lost the boys I hit a huge wall - I'd been feeling a little better and then BAM, back it all came with as vengeance. We are all different but we do all get to the acceptance stage eventually, it's a long journey though. I think they key is not expecting too much from yourself and just roll with it, work your way though it any way that works for you. Huge to you.xxx