Will my ds1 ever adjust to ds2?

[Ashley1021]

Little brother has only been around 3 weeks, but ds1 is still having such a hard time. He doesn't know how to play by himself. He's always been in childcare, I'm his daycare teaching. I'm on maternity leave but he still goes 3 days a week. He loves those days. But when he's home with me he bites me, hits me, tries to hurt his brother.

We tried going to the zoo yesterday and it just didn't work. He destroys the house and I'm in tears both days he's not at daycare.

I just don't know what to do. I try to get him involved with brother and he wants no part

 

[SarahBear]

I don't have time to read your post right now, but I saw that your littlest is 3 weeks old. Violet was rather aggressive to her brother for the first month. By 3 months old, she was very loving and affectionate toward him. There is hope!

 

[Ashley1021]

I sure hope so! It's so draining. I try to plan fun things and get him involved, but he doesn't understand I can't constantly play with him 24/7. There are times when brother needs to eat, have his diaper changed etc. I literally cry everyday about it.

 

[SarahBear]

It's hard, but it does get easier. However, I do still have to explain to Violet that I can't do certain things because of things I have to do for or with Violet. I make an effort to have 1:1 time with both though. That sometimes means that Leo wants to be attached to me and he screams as my husband takes him away. Both kids have to learn to share their parents. In the long-run it's good for them to not be the center of the universe and teaches them important skills.

 

[erinprime]

My daughter was 2.5 when her baby sister was born. We're 4 months out and it is definitely getting better. For he first month every time I fed the baby she would cry her eyes out while saying "I'm so sad because my mommy doesn't want to play with me". It made me feel horrible. She doesn't do that anymore and if she is having trouble entertaining herself while I need to feed the baby I have no shame in breaking out the iPad.

I make a point to verbally tell the baby to wait when I am doing something with toddler so that my toddler doesn't feel like she is the only one ever waiting. It seems silly but it makes things feel more fair to my oldest.

Right now it feels so bad because I can only be actively doing something with one of them at a time. I always have to figure out which kid gets priority in that moment... finish game with toddler, or help baby calm down but toddler freaks out because I have to bail on game ahhhh! I just keep reminding myself that one day I won't always have to pick because we will all 3 be able to play a game together, eat at the same time, enjoy the same outings, etc. It won't always be one or the other, it will get better.

 

[Ashley1021]

I make a point to tell ds2 that he has to wait a minute for his bottle because I'm finishing up with ds1. That seems to make him happy. It's just so hard and he's acting out. He smacked me across my face before bed last night.