woke feeling so guilty

[Jkelmum]

I dont talk about the birth of Hope much but today i feel an emense guilt as yesturday was her 11th birthday and i didnt do anything to celebrate her birthday , Normally we go to her tree and lay flowers I was so wrapped up in the morning worrying about my scan then i had my scan and was worn out and just couldnt face going out as it was raining and mny chest was playying up
Now today i feel sick at the thought my little girl is watching thinking i dont care stupid i know but i cant help it .....dont really know why i am posting guess i just needed to let it out

I am taking some flowers to her tree at 1pm today but its just not the same

 

[Sweetie]

 

[ChloesMummy]

x

 

[dan-o]

serina

 

[Staceyxxx]

 

[sukisam]

Don't beat yourself up hun, if she is watching you she will know you love her as much now as you did then.
When my first baby Emily grew wings I used to go to the chapel at the hospital each year on her birthday because that was where I held her last and gave her blankets and toys for her coffin. I haven't been there the last 2 years, it was 10 years this year. This year on her anniversary my hubby and I went away for the night (problems with date etc) but it didn't make me love her less. She is in my heart and thoughts daily but life does go on.
You are her mummy and you love her + she knows it
Please don't feel bad
Sending you
xxxxxxx

 

[danielle1987]

 

[babytots]

hun try not to feel guilty hope knows you love her very much and that if you was able to you would have gone yesterday to see her. am sure she doesnt want you to feel sad about it. x

 

[tricky nicky]

 

[hayley x]

I havent reached any anniversaries of Alex yet but I went and saw him 3 times in one day and said I'll be back when it stops raining... i never went back and I felt soooo guilty I cried all night, I felt like I'd let him down for one thing I could do for him But the next day I went up still feeling guilty, I said sorry to him and I came away 'happy' (if thats the right word) kind of relief had come accross me. Im sure your little girl was with you, probably watching your scan and just happy to see everything was ok with her baby brother or sister xxx

 

[CarCam]

She knows you love her, don't worry.

 

[Jkelmum]

Thanks girls feeling better this afternoon some times it just hits me out of nowhere

 

[Tishimouse]

You need to feel better about this as it's a habit that you have developed over the years as a way of 'doing something' for your daughters birthdays. The only person who has written the rules of this habit is you, so you can allow yourself forgiveness.

It's true that grief strikes at the most unexpected times and I think of it as hitting us in waves ... exactly as you said, 'out of nowhere'. I think (and I am a deep thinker) that things probably feel a little strange this birthday as you had your scan, which will no doubt have evoked these emotions about your daughter. Deep memories perhaps of when you had your scan with her, which to me are a lot of mixed emotions for someone to cope with and you sound like you have a lot of underlying stress (not to mention hormones).

You don't have to go to a special place or do the same special thing each year for your daughter's birthday, that's just something that you started to do a long time ago. The fact that you didn't do it this time won't change a thing as you still love your angel daughter every inch as much as always and noone knows that more than she does. There is no bond closer than a mother and daughter, so please try to think of this year as being different, rather than missing an opportunity.

It's good that you posted your thoughts and are able to share them and hopefully the comments here will help. I'm also happy to read that you're feel a bit better today.

Thinking of you and wishing you well with this pregnancy and looking forward to hearing more about your happier times in your future posts.