Women without Children

[Titi]

Hello,
I am 36 and next month will be year four for ttc #1. There is nothing medically wrong with us, we just have not been able to conceive. I spent three years of our life and all our savings trying everything possible under the sun to get pregnant.
For financial and sanity reasons, we are going to be NTNP for an amount of time.
I'm trying to find meaning in life and make some friends in the meantime. It's really hard at my age to meet new friends with common interests when just about everyone I know is a mum!!!

I'm trying to start some sort of group for women who are currently childless. Whether or not it is by choice, or circumstance....for support and fun.

Not really sure what else will come of this. Thank you!!!

 

[chickenchaser]

Hi Pleased to meet you, I'm also childless. Not by choice but at the moment the time just isn't right (a very long story which I wont put you through right now) But I'm desperate for children as I'm 35 and often feel time is running out.
Most of my friends and family have children and because me and DH have been married nearly 13 years they all assume that we can't/don't wont children. We don't put them right.

So yes it would be nice to talk to other non mummies.

 

[Titi]

Hi Pleased to meet you, I'm also childless. Not by choice but at the moment the time just isn't right (a very long story which I wont put you through right now) But I'm desperate for children as I'm 35 and often feel time is running out.
Most of my friends and family have children and because me and DH have been married nearly 13 years they all assume that we can't/don't wont children. We don't put them right.

So yes it would be nice to talk to other non mummies.

HI!!!!!!!
I was just about to give up hope on this thread! It's nice to "meet" you!! I hope we can get this going to just to have some support and/or fun, distraction.......whatever!!
Such a similar thing......Although we're only married just over 3 years dh and I are 36 and 38 and this is our 11th year together. I think a lot of our family knows we are having trouble-but sometimes that's much worse. We have spent over three years getting some most ridiculous advice ("take a vacation!"......"use opks!"...) like we are not only infertile but dumb.

I don't mind if you want to share your long story! But I understand too if you'd rather not. For us we spent 8 years trying to get everything right-stable relationship, buy a house, save money, etc....and then started ttc straight after marriage and were very surprised to find we just weren't able to get pregnant. Year 1 we spent trying so hard.......Year 2 we spent in testing and some medicated cycles, and year 3 was a hard core year. We just finished rounds of IUI and this month, a failed IVF. We can't put ourselves through anymore heartache at the moment, and also now have spent the savings we worked so hard for!!!

So-for now short of a surprise miracle bfp-we're going to try and enjoy this stage of our lives but do feel like time is running out. So not sure what to do next....or what the future will hold. It would be so nice for us to have others to go through this with.

thanks for posting!

 

[chickenchaser]

Oh hun I'm so sad for you. Your story is my nightmare and can't imagine what you are going through. I hope that it really works out for you. I'm sure you have heard this before but there is always hope please don't give up. My MIL was 42 when she had DH she had been trying for years with no hope, just as they gave up and decided to move to Canada she found out she was pregnant. She tells me she had the most wonderful pregnancy with no problems and the easiest labour ever. 2 years later she had his sister. So who knows.
With me and DH it is more like we are total control freaks we need to be in total control and everything has to be perfect. Firstly we wanted to get married and finish our education (DH has just finished his Phd and me my MSc) We then wanted the perfect family home. Which we found a couple of years ago but it was falling down and we weren't allowed to live in it for the first year untill it had running water and electricity and was structurally safe. Anyhow just as we thought we were getting there, SIL had a received a massive head injury and we have been trying to get her back on her feet for the last year. It had been hard work but she is getting there and we are back to sorting out the house. We are hoping for it to be finished this summer but who knows will be thrown at us. I know I wouldn't be able to cope with the house being in a mess and being pregnant and DH wants to be a full time dad, not spending his weekends plastering walls and fitting kitchens lol. However he doesn't feel the need for a family as much as I do but is happy to be a Dad, just doesn't feel the pressure lol. He is fantastic with all the kids in our family and they love him which only makes things harder when I see him running around the garden with a group of 10 year old boys playing soldiers.

We will get there I'm sure but I'm sure you feel the same it is all just so hard.

What are you up to this evening for new year. I suppose as a young couple without any children to look after we should be out painting the town red, but we are at home with a very large glass of wine and looking forward to going to bed. I hope your evening is a bit more exciting.

 

[Titi]

oh hun......thank you so much for the support!!! I can COMPLETELY relate with the total control freak thing!!! That's half the reason we're in this mess......since we started dating when we were 25 but wanted to make sure everything was "right" and "perfect"....and always thought we'd have time.

Thanks for your inspiring story.....you are right that we won't give up hope. Esp. with nothing wrong for us we are just hoping for a natural miracle.

I'm sorry about what you've been through on your end also....that must have been tough!!! Well wishes for you SIL....you sound like wonderful family to her.

You are right that being w/o kids we should be more free spirited but my bedtime is 9:30 or 10-lol. We have a party tonight at my SIL and I've already had to take a nap and drink more coffee to hope to make it to midnight!! We are trying to live it up a little more, lol.

Gotta get going to that party-more later. I'm glad again we can chat!!!

 

[chickenchaser]

LOL Hope you managed to stay awake last night. We went to bed but we did watch all the fireworks on the TV.

What do you do for a living Titi? I work with people with mental health problems and love it. I'm very jealous that you live in Florida and all that sunshine. It is only 15.00 here and it tipping it down with rain and is getting dark. I love the sun and DH jokes about me being solar powered as I get very grumpy if we don't have at least 2 weeks in the sun each year. But we love to travel so it isn't a problem.

Take Care.

 

[Titi]

LOL Hope you managed to stay awake last night. We went to bed but we did watch all the fireworks on the TV.

What do you do for a living Titi? I work with people with mental health problems and love it. I'm very jealous that you live in Florida and all that sunshine. It is only 15.00 here and it tipping it down with rain and is getting dark. I love the sun and DH jokes about me being solar powered as I get very grumpy if we don't have at least 2 weeks in the sun each year. But we love to travel so it isn't a problem.

Take Care.

Thanks for checking in!
Living in Florida is quite nice-although I have always wanted to go to Europe and love all things British!! I can see how dreary would get you down....it is nice to have so much sunshine, beaches and palm trees here. That always makes me happy.

NYE was a nightmare. I WISHED I'd fallen asleep. I got too drunk and became a total embarrassment crying at the party about losing my babies (IVF embryos) and throwing up everywhere and coming home hungover for all New Year's Day. In over ten years of going to this same party, I've never gotten drunk once......but I guess my failed cycle hit me harder than I really knew, so......I'm still feeling physically awful and down and mortified and embarassed.

As far as work..I own a real estate appraisal company and both me and dh work from home. It's pretty small-my brother and mum work with us, and we have one other appraiser. The work itself is okay-but I really love being able to spend the time with dh and make our own schedule.

 

[chickenchaser]

Oh wow that sounds fantastic (your job not getting very drunk ) I love houses and having a look around other peoples.

As far as getting drunk on NYE don't worry about it, the hangover will be gone soon and even though you may cringe about it now I'm sure you will see a funny side of it eventually. I was reading your journal yesterday and you are amazing the girls in LTTTC obviously think a lot of you and you have been really supportive to other as well as holding it together for yourself and your DH. Allowing yourself to have a good cry has probably done your good and those people there that love you will understand and the others well who cares we all have our problems to deal with and we all do it in different ways.

Take Care hun and happy new year

 

[Titi]

Oh wow that sounds fantastic (your job not getting very drunk ) I love houses and having a look around other peoples.

As far as getting drunk on NYE don't worry about it, the hangover will be gone soon and even though you may cringe about it now I'm sure you will see a funny side of it eventually. I was reading your journal yesterday and you are amazing the girls in LTTTC obviously think a lot of you and you have been really supportive to other as well as holding it together for yourself and your DH. Allowing yourself to have a good cry has probably done your good and those people there that love you will understand and the others well who cares we all have our problems to deal with and we all do it in different ways.

Take Care hun and happy new year

Hi! Sorry,........haven't been myself the last week-felt awful emotionally and physically and now we are going through some family stuff with DH's grandmother dying. : (

I do have the best bnb girls ever, huh? ONE good result of LTTTC. If I hadn't been trying this long I would never have met such amazing women.

I looked to see if you had a journal too!!!!

More later, just wanted to check in and see how you were and say hi.

 

[chickenchaser]

Hi Hun I'm fine thanks, How are you doing and things any better?

No I don't have a journal, sometimes I'm a bit mixed up and putting it all down might scare a lot of people off so I tend to keep it in my head. I will probably do a TTC journal it all depends on how it goes.

Take Care and speak soon