Would it be ok if I vent for a minute?

[AnnLav]

Hi ladies!

The husband and I have been trying for 3 years. I have pcos and he has low motility. We had one pregnancy that ended in a late term miscarriage last year.

While husband was deployed I lost 70 pounds and my cycles were finally getting normal! I was so excited for him to come home so we could start trying, because I felt so positive that my regular cycles would make it so much easier.

Then he gets home and suddenly my cycles are inconsistent again. For two months I was bleeding daily, so I went to the doctors and was prescribed Clomid and progesterone. We tried that for a few months even though my cycles and emotions were all over the place. September hit and I was so tired and worn out that I decided to just stop all of the medications and the timing and the calendars.

Surprisingly, my cycle in September was completely normal. I started and ended right on time, and I was even showing signs of ovulation! I was getting really excited, until last weekend when out of nowhere I end up with excruciating abdominal pain. It turns out I had a large ovarian cyst rupture. It didn't damage my ovary or anything, so I was given pain meds and sent home. I kept holding out hope that despite all this, I might get a bfp anyway.

Today, 12dpo, I got the usual bfn. Less than an hour after taking the test, I find out that my sister in law, married for a month, is 4 weeks pregnant. Then I get a text from a recently married friend of mine that she's expecting too! I'm very happy for both of them, but I can't help but wallow in self pity that it's been so easy for them and so hard for us.

This is turning into quite the novel, but I was just wondering if anyone has any advice for keeping up hope. I am so low today and feel like it's just never going to happen for us

I was also wondering if anyone else has dealt with low sperm motility and had any tips?

 

[HearMyPrayers]

aww hon I'm sorry! but the most important thing to remember is you can and you will! you have to stay positive even when you just want to throw in the towel...even when you want to give up you have to find the inner strength to push forward! I just seen an announcement my 24 yr old cousin is 21 weeks pregnant with her 3rd and my other counsin just announced Friday she is also pregnant with her 3rd. I'm devastated BUT I'm pushing forward because when we have a sweet little babies in our arms we will forget about all, and at that moment all this stress will be forgotten and all this heartache will be healed! Stay strong honey you can do it!

 

[AnnLav]

Thank you so much! I feel so silly and selfish for just wallowing in self pity all the time, but sometimes you can't help it you know? I really appreciate the kind words though

 

[arizonagal]

Infertility is so unfair, it's ok to have a vent now and then! Congrats on losing 70 pounds though, that's great well, tomorrow is a new day and a new cycle-*hugs*

 

[PinkPeony]

honestly I've been dealing much better with TTC lately. I try to have no expectations each cycle. I don't know it helps me to think that way. But I still can't handle other people getting knocked up. I just can't stand to even be around them!! So I have no advice there. I totally get you tho and don't feel guilty.

I just found out my DH has low motility too. We're working on his lifestyle and I really hope it helps.

 

[tamithomas]

first, congrats on the 70lb weight loss! secondly, many of us get that urge of jealousy and pitty so don't worry. It's normal, it's so unfair to see others achieve what we try so hard to get. send you loads of babydust!

 

[kathleen756]

First and foremost, a huge congrats on the weight loss!! That's a journey all on it's own!
This infertility thing is more frustrating than anybody can put into words and you have every right to vent and we are all more than happy to listen

As my DH and I head into our 25th month of TTC with no success, and birth and pregnancy announcements all around us, not wallowing in self-pity is a seemingly constant struggle. I've tried really hard to have no expectations each cycle as i too have found that the best way to cope month to month, but every time I hear of another family member or friend becoming pregnant or having a baby, it magnifies the fact that we haven't been able to yet.

But, I believe that it WILL happen for everyone of us. Don't give up hope because every month is one month closer to your BFP. And, quite honestly when you've been TTC for a long time, when it finally DOES happen, nobody but nobody is going to be able to match your joy and elation over such a precious gift.

Personally, i just try to take it a month at a time. I tend to get overwhemled when i look back over how long we have been trying every time AF shows up I just try to think "ok, one more month with another opportunity" (mind you, i usually follow that with a glass of wine )

Venting certainly helps and we're all here for you

It WILL get better