Hi,
I just wanted to share my story with you as I find talking/sharing my experience with others seems to really help me.
At the start of December I found out I was PG after TTC for over a year and a half. DH and myself were over the moon and couldn't believe it. In January I went for my first scan at just over 8 weeks which showed a heartbeat but my Gyni said I was only measuring at 7.2 weeks. This worried me slightly as I knew the exact days we BD'd on so knew he was wrong. To put my mind at rest I went back 4 days later for a re-scan and this time the baby measured correctly for the dates and showed a very strong heartbeat. I got a pic from the scan which I brought home with me and showed to everyone. Myself and DH got very caught up in it all and were very excited as it was going to be our first. Then 10 days later I started spotting very lightly, it was only on one occasion but enough to worry me. As it was a Sunday I couldn't ring my gyni so I rang my local hospital who told me to come in for a scan. My worst fears were confirmed - the scan showed the baby had died at 8.5 weeks which would have been very shortly after our last scan which showed a healthy heartbeat. We were absolutely devastated and in total shock. I refused to believe it. We left the hospital and all of a sudden our lives looked and felt totally different. I rang my Gyni on the Monday to tell him the sad news. He gave me a choice of what I could do - either have a D&C or else try pessaries to see if my body would expel the pregnancy naturally. I opted for the latter. I took the pessaries on the Wednesday and went through the most horrendous experience of my life to date. The pessaries brought on a bleed but also really bad labour contractions - I was doubled up in pain from 9pm at night until 5am the following morning. Then shortly after 5am I went to the bathroom and passed the baby. It was devastating and very disturbing but in a way was also quite comforting. Once I passed the baby the contractions stopped. Following on from that I had to have a D&C anyway as the pregnancy was too far along. I had that done the following day and then was finally able to get on with my grieving. I then went through the worst 2 weeks of my life. I was devastated, angry and very confused. I partly blamed my Gyni as after our last scan he told me it was quite rare to miscarry once a healthy heartbeat was seen. I got angry with DH as he seemed to be coping much better than I was. I was sick and tired of everyone telling me 'oh it will happen again' or else 'at least you know you can get pregnant'. I know they were only trying to help me but it was the last thing I wanted to hear.
Anyway it is now 2 weeks since it happened and I just wanted to say to others who are going through what I have just gone through, that it WILL and DOES get better. Emotionally I feel much stronger than I did 2 weeks ago and I am amazed at how strong I feel. I have talked through my experience over and over again with family/friends and I know they are probably sick of hearing about it now at this stage but it has been my way of dealing with the grief I was going through. I keep telling myself every so often that God/Nature intervened in my pregnancy and stopped it from going any further as it wasn't quite right. I am now looking forward to trying again in a few months time and please God it will happen for us quickly and we will finally get to hold our little baby in our arms.
I just wanted to share my story with you as I find talking/sharing my experience with others seems to really help me.
At the start of December I found out I was PG after TTC for over a year and a half. DH and myself were over the moon and couldn't believe it. In January I went for my first scan at just over 8 weeks which showed a heartbeat but my Gyni said I was only measuring at 7.2 weeks. This worried me slightly as I knew the exact days we BD'd on so knew he was wrong. To put my mind at rest I went back 4 days later for a re-scan and this time the baby measured correctly for the dates and showed a very strong heartbeat. I got a pic from the scan which I brought home with me and showed to everyone. Myself and DH got very caught up in it all and were very excited as it was going to be our first. Then 10 days later I started spotting very lightly, it was only on one occasion but enough to worry me. As it was a Sunday I couldn't ring my gyni so I rang my local hospital who told me to come in for a scan. My worst fears were confirmed - the scan showed the baby had died at 8.5 weeks which would have been very shortly after our last scan which showed a healthy heartbeat. We were absolutely devastated and in total shock. I refused to believe it. We left the hospital and all of a sudden our lives looked and felt totally different. I rang my Gyni on the Monday to tell him the sad news. He gave me a choice of what I could do - either have a D&C or else try pessaries to see if my body would expel the pregnancy naturally. I opted for the latter. I took the pessaries on the Wednesday and went through the most horrendous experience of my life to date. The pessaries brought on a bleed but also really bad labour contractions - I was doubled up in pain from 9pm at night until 5am the following morning. Then shortly after 5am I went to the bathroom and passed the baby. It was devastating and very disturbing but in a way was also quite comforting. Once I passed the baby the contractions stopped. Following on from that I had to have a D&C anyway as the pregnancy was too far along. I had that done the following day and then was finally able to get on with my grieving. I then went through the worst 2 weeks of my life. I was devastated, angry and very confused. I partly blamed my Gyni as after our last scan he told me it was quite rare to miscarry once a healthy heartbeat was seen. I got angry with DH as he seemed to be coping much better than I was. I was sick and tired of everyone telling me 'oh it will happen again' or else 'at least you know you can get pregnant'. I know they were only trying to help me but it was the last thing I wanted to hear.
Anyway it is now 2 weeks since it happened and I just wanted to say to others who are going through what I have just gone through, that it WILL and DOES get better. Emotionally I feel much stronger than I did 2 weeks ago and I am amazed at how strong I feel. I have talked through my experience over and over again with family/friends and I know they are probably sick of hearing about it now at this stage but it has been my way of dealing with the grief I was going through. I keep telling myself every so often that God/Nature intervened in my pregnancy and stopped it from going any further as it wasn't quite right. I am now looking forward to trying again in a few months time and please God it will happen for us quickly and we will finally get to hold our little baby in our arms.