Hi guys! Uff... so how do I start... My water broke on Sunday and all the doctors told me that I should induce. My little baby girl still had a heartbeat and I just could not do this to her. I went ahead and rode it out because I found on this site many women who had gone through this and got lucky but some didnt. I knew to have realistic expectations so I got lots of fluid and started the battle against nature. I was so happy every time she moved and then the next evening I got up to pee and felt the cord. The worst feeling was that less than 5 min before I felt her moving and I figured it was her way of letting me know she was still ok but unfortunately It was game over and I went to the hospital. I was in labor for over 13 hours and finally my beautiful Skye was born but unfortunately with the cord around her neck. Either way at 20 weeks the chances of her surviving were nonexistent. To make matters worse her placenta didnt come out until 5 hours later where I had to be induced again. The staff was very attentive but I was and still am devastated. I feel a loss Ive never felt before. Im terrified to ever try again. Im devastated for my husband because this man never left my side and seeing him so broken breaks me. We have a beautiful 10 yr old little girl and I feel like I have to be strong for my husband, daughter and myself. We were so happy with this pregnancy and we were so blessed by the joy she brought into our lives. Even though we only met briefly, she was always a part of us. We got to hold her for a bit and say our peace. It was so hard for us. Its been about 24 hours. I still Cant believe it. Is it weird that I still place my hand over my belly and feel her? Im sure its my own heart beat but it feels like shes still with me. Today I finally had about 15 min where I was All alone. I questioned God, I yelled At him. I was filled with rage. I wanted him to take me instead because I will never understand why he took her. Does this get easier? How do I move on? How can I ever Get over this deep dark hole in my chest? My soul is broken. Were broken. I love her and loved her and always will love her. I need help because even though I have A tough brave face for my family its a facade. I feel like if I allow Myself to let myself fall into grief I may Never return to being me again. I miss her. I wish I could have saved her. My faith is shaken and my spirit is hanging on by a thread. I need some light at the end of this tunnel. Please tell me there will be light again because all I feel is sorrow and darkness.