10 commandments of Eastenders

[smokey]

Found this earlier and thought it funny

The Ten Commandments of Albert Square
And God created the Ten Commandments. All characters must obey the Commandments, He said:

1. Thou shalt not look for work outside the boundaries of Albert Square.

2. Thou shalt argue and fight during a party.

3. Thou shalt utter the phrase "Can I have a word?" before every conversation..

4. Thou shalt not watch Coronation Street.

5. Thou shalt not enjoy a successful marriage.

6. Thou shalt consume breakfast only in Ian's Café.

7. Thou shalt only leave Albert Square by way of death, prison or taxi. Or, at a pinch, Spain.

8. Thou shalt not have a merry Christmas.

9. Thou shalt not possess a washing machine. Use the launderette.

10. Thou shalt have thy wedding reception in the Queen Vic.

And He thought them, good. Oh so good.




The Creation Of Misery
1. In the beginning God created EastEnders and Albert Square. And darkness fell upon the BBC1 schedules.

2. And God said, Let there be depression. And there was in abundance.

3. And God saw the depression and it was good. The BBC executives saw the ratings and they said depression is good, too.

4. And God called the depression EastEnders; He then created misery, which included rape, murder, binge drinking, market stalls and Phil Mitchell.

5. And God said, Let there be a pub. And God saw the pub and He called it The Queen Vic.

6. And God said, Let the people who populate the Queen Vic be the dregs of society. They must never smile or laugh, He said. And they must endure situations that are true to life, despite never watching their televisions on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7.30pm.

7. And God called His people EastEnders. And God said to the EastEnders, Thou shalt commit acts of incest, with Mother and Sister being of one, and Z list actors and 'comedians' in guest appearances.

8.And God said, Bring forth a typical Christmas storyline in which death and misery and the occasional wife-beating must occur.

9. With all his power, God made appear a cast of characters; some yielded from Grange Hill, others from The Bill.

10.And God said, Let there be a big storyline once every two annum. And God called the storyline Who Shot Phil Mitchell? And the people watching said, Who cares?

11. And God said, You are my EastEnders. Deal with it.

12. And God said that all of this sin and sadness could be miraculously cured with a nice cup of tea.

 

[bump_wanted]

Lol bloody EE is peeing me right off the now xx

 

[tinkerbelle2]

I found this one...

The Creation Story according to the Qur'an

1.On the seventh day, God rested from all His work. And He did name that day EastEnders Omnibus. Then the Lord formed man and women from the dust, and breathed life into the EastEnders.

2. And God began naming his EastEnders. He said, I shall create an Old Lady and I will name her Lou Beale.

3. And God said, I shall create offspring for Lou Beale. I shall bring forth a middle-aged glamour girl and put her in a cardigan. And he called the glamour girl Pauline Fowler. And also for Lou, a son, Pete Beale, who shalt drink beer from a silver tankard and call everyone 'Treacle'. But The Lord did smite Pete Beale after much backstage trouble, killing him instantly, with no chance of ever returning. And God allowed Pauline to live until Christmas 2006, when she was hit on the head with a frying pan and died with no chance of ever returning.

4. And God said, 'Let there be a wimp'. And he created a wimp and He named him Ian Beale. And He will have his head flushed down the toilet every 100th episode.

5. And God said, 'Let there be a religious chain-smoker, who for some unknown reason (other than dramatic license) has not yet succumbed to a fatal lung disease'. And God created Dot Cotton.

6. And God declared "There shall be a character who will be as ugly as sin and nasty as hell, yet will have women tripping over themselves to sleep with him". And thus, God created Den Watts.

7. And God created Pat Butcher as the world was lacking an overweight, ex-prostitute and wearer of chandelier earrings.

8. And God realised that the viewing public deserved more misery, so He created two extra episodes.

9. And the viewers saw the two extra episodes a week and began to blaspheme.

10. And God saw that there was a lack of violence on the Square, so he created The Mitchells, and all hope was lost.

11. And God decided that he would create a loser. His family would think he was an idiot, and everyone else who think he was a loser. And he would be someone who no matter how far he got in life, would always end up being the same low-life piece of rubbish he started as. And thus, God created Billy Mitchell.

 

[LulaBug]

lol! Too funny!

 

[v2007]

V xxx