12 year old daughter dating a 16 year old boy...HELP!

[OmiOmen]

4 year difference as an adult is nothing but as teens this is massive! I would not be comfortable with this at all and as a few others have said; what is he finding interesting in her?

I do not have a daughter but I have two sons who are much younger than this. However if when they are 16 if they were dating a 12 year old I would be very worried there is something wrong with them.

I agree that forbidding the relationship could force her to go behind your back but accepting it could be just as bad. It is a tough situation and I can not think of a easy way out of it but I do think a really honest conversation about it with her is the only starting point.

 

[Feff]

When I was young (younger than 12) I went out with a boy who was about 5 years older than me. My mam and dad didn't do anything about it, they probably thought it was cute honestly! I bothered with his sister a lot so was always having sleep overs. Obviously his hormones were all over the place and he wanted to do sexual things, and I felt pushed into it. We didn't have sex but we did do things. My parents still have no idea! I regret it so much but I was really young, someone should have stopped it but they didn't.

So I would definitely have a frank conversation about the birds and the bees, tell her she doesn't have to do stuff she doesn't want too. Don't let them be alone together. Obviously that's just what I would do, it's up to you! X

 

[Desi's_lost]

Wellllllllll I think we need to know more about OPs daughter. When I was 12, I was a baby. When OH was 12, he was up to the things that I didn't get around to until I was 15-16 and so were the kids he ran about with. So it's really down to the kid. And vice versa. This boy could be a very shy 16..who knows?

 

[Foxycleopatra]

Thank you all for your replies.

So far I have had several very good indepth talks with My daughter, the boy in question and his mother. His mother is of the same mind set as me that my daughter is to young but both know that there is no point trying to fully ban them from seeing one another. We have come up with a roster of sorts, Zac can come to my house 2 afternoons a week after school and on one day of the weekend. During that time they are supervised. Jordan is not aloud to go to his house at all!

I think one of two things will happen. Zac will tire of being treated like a baby and go on to find an older girl friend or he will respect my restrictive rules and will wait a few years till she is older. I am not a fool I know if there is a will there is a way but I plan to hold off anything to serious for as long as humanly possible.

Jordan is not the worlds most mature 12 (13 in April) but she is not stupid either. We seem to have a very open and honest relationship and have had several very frank conversations on the subject of sex and not feeling pressured in to doing anything thing she doesn't want to. She knows I had her at 19 and does not want the same for herself.

Zac is also not the most mature 16 year old but he is still on a different maturity level to my daughter. I have told him if he lays a finger on her I will hunt him down and that anything he does to my daughter I will have our big black male great dane do to him!! He seems like a nice young chap but my baby is still only 12!

 

[alicecooper]

I would definitely not be okay with this, and yes I'd put my foot down. I don't think 12 year olds should be dating anyone at all.

 

[suzib76]

Wellllllllll I think we need to know more about OPs daughter. When I was 12, I was a baby. When OH was 12, he was up to the things that I didn't get around to until I was 15-16 and so were the kids he ran about with. So it's really down to the kid. And vice versa. This boy could be a very shy 16..who knows?

I don't think so tbh. That's saying a 'baby 12' shouldn't be allowed but a more grown up 12 should be, if anything I would have serious concerns about a more grown up 12

 

[sbl]

Hmmmm tricky one.
For me I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all.
While I know all too well the errors of parents forbidding people they see as wrong for their daughter I think your case is different.
12 is still a child to me.
I certainly wasn't thinking about boyfriends then and I don't think many if any 12 year old girls are ready for a boyfriend. Definitely not a hormone mad 16 year old.

It will fizzle out. The age gap is too much for this time of life.

 

[missk1989]

I think what you are doing is right especially talking to his mum and having a mutual agreement. I was with a guy 6 years older when I was 17. Older than your dd but my parents made a huge fuss and tried to ban us seeing eachother. I snook out in the middle of the night to see him and got up to all sorts I regret. If they had accepted it (outwardly) it would have fizzled out within weeks. AS it was I had made them so upset and lost so much trying to be with him I felt I had to stay with him and make it worse so all the heartache hadn't been for nothing. Good luck.

 

[Bingo]

I'd be more concerned about the boy. How does his mother feel about her 16 year old young man dating a twelve year old child? I know girls in particular can mature at a very young age in many ways but at 12 she is still a child regardless and if that was my son I would have serious concerns. I guess it's easy to judge not being involved in the situation. I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by have very frank discussions with your daughter. Oh the things those of us with younger girls have to look forward to! Hopefully it will fizzle out quickly without upsetting your daughter too much.