18 month old cries constantly and is so needy!

[AshleyR]

My 18 month old daughter has always had a very hard time entertaining herself. From the start she has wanted me or my husband to play with her at all times. If I sit her in front of a basket of toys she will not play with them unless I sit on the floor and take the toys out and play with her. Very rarely she will grab toys herself and actually sit for more than a few minutes alone. This has been an issue from the time she was about 4 months old and first started needing "entertainment". She is our first child. I'm starting to wonder if we "spoiled" her with TOO much attention early on and now she thinks she needs to be the center of attention at all times (pretty much!)

I can never get anything done around the house without her climbing my leg and screaming for attention. My husband and I have spent way too much money on toys that we hope will keep her occupied for a bit of time (never works).

She has gotten increasingly clingy with me, and now even when my husband comes home from work and tries to play with her so I can cook dinner, she screams until I'm finished and can give her my attention.

We have tried ignoring her when it seems she is crying for no reason (90% of them time it seems), but she will just go on and on, up to 30 minutes of screaming and then I start second-guessing whether or not there's something wrong with her. Usually as soon as I pick her up or sit with her and play she stops, though (there's my answer!)

Does anyone have any tips for me? I feel that we've probably made the mistake of allowing her to be the center of attention for too long and now she can't handle having to spend any time by herself. Something needs to change as I am getting extremely stressed out and frustrated by her constant need for me to play with her 24/7. I'm also not getting anything done around my house EVER because I can't do it without her climbing my leg and having a fit every time. I cook dinner maybe once a week and even then it's something quick. I eat, shower and do as much as I can while she naps because I can get NOTHING accomplished during the day when she's awake. My marriage is also suffering as DH and I are both so stressed out by her constant crying and whining. We snap at eachother all the time because we are tired and stressed and don't know what to do.

Any advice??

 

[bananaz]

Don't beat yourself up for "spoiling" her because it's unlikely you did. I spent a lot of time trying to encourage my daughter to play independently when she was younger (in vain, might I add), and she still ended up behaving the same way as your LO. I think it's mostly the age, as well as the individual kid's temperament.

At 18 months it isn't unreasonable to start creating some boundaries and expecting your toddler to play for short periods of time on her own. Something you can try doing is actively play with your LO for 20-30 minutes, then get her started on an activity she can do by herself, and go do a small 5-15 minute task. When she freaks out you stay calm, acknowledge her feelings, but continue with your task and don't pick her up. You might say something like "I can see that you're very frustrated. I'm busy doing ______ right now. Why don't you go play with your blocks/draw with your crayons/do the puzzle?" Then when you've finished the task you tell her that you're done and that you're ready to play now.

If your LO is like my daughter it may take a lot of these little sessions before she stops going ballistic when you try to do something else, but at least this will be a step in the right direction and hopefully it will enable you to get some small tasks done while she's awake.

I have to add that 18 months was the peak of that behavior for my daughter. She acted just like your LO - constant screaming for NO REASON as far as I could tell, wanting my attention ALL of the time. She has the vocabulary to tell me what she wants without screaming, but she still kept having meltdown after meltdown without any identifiable triggers. Then all of the sudden it just got better. One morning she was a nightmare and I was ready to drop her off at the pound, and then that evening she was sweet, patient, and capable of entertaining herself for brief periods of time. It was like a miracle. So hang in there, hopefully your miracle is coming too!

 

[lozzy21]

It's an age thing, my DD was capable of entertaining herself and had been since a baby but from about 15-20 months was like a limpet. I cooked most days with her on my back in the carrier to keep her happy, everything else I'd ask her to "help" if I needed to dust if give her a cloth and as far as she's concerned she was involved in the same activity.

Don't try to push the separation, you will just make it worse. If she's crying for OH while you cook tea have them come "help" cook tea. It's frustrating but she will get there when she's ready.

 

[lozzy21]

It's an age thing, my DD was capable of entertaining herself and had been since a baby but from about 15-20 months was like a limpet. I cooked most days with her on my back in the carrier to keep her happy, everything else I'd ask her to "help" if I needed to dust if give her a cloth and as far as she's concerned she was involved in the same activity.

Don't try to push the separation, you will just make it worse. If she's crying for OH while you cook tea have them come "help" cook tea. It's frustrating but she will get there when she's ready.

https://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-separation-and-independence_11743.bc?page=1

 

[ay2808]

Something I find that helps is explaining what you are going to do eg mummy's just going to put the dishes in the dishwasher then I'll be right back. To start with I keep talking so she knows I'm near. Sometimes she will come and 'help' but I'm afraid I think it's mostly down to personality. LO is very active and likes to be involved with everything!

 

[Nat0619]

We've been having a more 'clingy' and 'whiney' phase lately too (Ciara has just gone 20 months). Strangely she has no problem with me leaving her to go out or to go to work etc, but if I'm home she follows me around and clings to my legs if I try to do something. She is getting better now I think than she was a month or two ago though. Like everything I think it's a phase.

 

[izzlesnizzle]

My LO is like this too. The crying is pretty bad at the moment and shes developed quite a severe separation anxiety at nap and bedtimes lately too which she didnt have before. She cries and screams alot for no known reason most of the time and clings to me or OH alot of the time. Im hoping it will settle soon as i cant get anything done unless its during her nap (and the naps are difficult the past few days. Some days she refuses it point blank and this makes her even more challenging because shes tired). Its encouraging to see the peak is at 18 mths though so i know its normal and that it should ease off soon once her language gets better and the napping settles back down.

 

[MiniKiwi]

Do you get out of the house much? My LO's much happier when we're out.

You haven't spoiled her, this is typical behaviour. I'd ask her to 'help' when you need to get things done, my LO loves to help wipe up messes, vacuum, cook etc.

Does your daughter have any duplo? I only ask because my 19 month old who has never really showed much interest in toys, loves duplo and even plays by herself sometimes!

In my experience, ignoring them when they're frustrated makes things worse. Baby/toddler wearing might work out well for you. I'd try getting out of the house more though (if you don't already)