19 wks, doctors say miscarriage, baby still has a heartbeat. Help :(

[Pollyandsammy]

Hi, I'm not sure if I've posted this in the right place.

I'm 19 weeks & 6 days pregnant. This is my first pregnancy. I only found out 2 weeks ago, so my first scan was Thursday 18th April.
Everything was fine, baby as it should be, moving around, measuring fine etc.
The doctors said that there were no indicators of anything wrong, blood tests came back fine, no reason why I shouldn't have a healthy baby.

My whole family & my boyfriend were so happy & excited for this baby.

On Saturday I woke up with a slight discomfort in my abdomen, went to the toilet & then I started bleeding. A few blood clots as well. The pain stopped & i have felt no discomfort since around 6am saturday morning. Went to the hospital & they heard the baby's heartbeat, which was nice & strong. Then they examined me to find the source of the bleeding. I was 1cm dialated, with several masses of membrane coming out. I was taken for a scan where they told me that there was no amniotic fluid around baby. The heartbeat was so strong, but baby was scrunched up with no room to move.
They told me that once the amniotic fluid goes, there is no way of getting it back. So the only option they have given me is to go back for an induction & to deliver my baby naturally.
I left the hospital at 6pm that evening. They gave me no information to read, only that they will call me some time on Monday to discuss "options". I'm guessing for the birth & afterwards.
I have done some research online & found that amniotic fluid does actually replenish itself. I have also read lots of stories about babies who have held on until at least 24 weeks before being delivered & going on to live a healthy, happy life.
I really, really do not want to be forced into being induced & delivering a baby that is alive & can not be helped. I would much rather wait to see if I go into labour naturally, or if today when I have my scan it shows no heartbeat I would have the induction. Can the doctors force me to become a baby killer & evict my baby from my womb? Or do I infact have a choice to let my body try to work it out by itself?
I just can not bear the thought of going through the labour & having to deliver my baby alive, to then watch it struggle to breathe & then die.
I know it sounds horrible, but I am hoping for all our sakes that today they will not find a heartbeat. :'(

I am so upset, even though this baby wasn't planned, it was very VERY much wanted & loved already. All I have done is cry & ask why. My boyfriend has been so supportive, he has broken down during the night when it is just us together though. It breaks my heart to know that something I have done (or not been able to do) has caused this pain & suffering.
I am so sorry for the long post, thank you to anyone who reads it xx

 

[nicksi27]

Hello i am so sorry that you are going through this, sending you lots of love and hugs. I would feel exactly the same as you would want to hold on for as long as possible and hope for a miracle as long as my baby still had a heartbeat. I lost my first at 20 weeks when we found out he had no heartbeat and i blamed myself for such a long time even though deep down i knew it wasnt my fault the hospital cant make you do anything youre not comfortable with. Im sorry i have no real advice but im praying for a miracle for you and your LO. xx

 

[25weeker]

I am so sorry for your devastating news. You are right there are some cases that water replenishes itself and babies do hang on until they are viable but there are also many stories were that isn't the case. I do want to give you a bit of hope but also want you to be prepared although I don't think anyone is ever fully prepared losing a child.

The hospital can't force you to do anything they can only advise so do what you think is right. If you do decide to carry on you will need to have checks regularly for infection which is a risk when you lose your water and dilation as well gives you this risk.

There is nothing you have done that has caused this so please do not blame yourself. Despite women getting pregnant since the beginning of time the doctors will admit there is still so much they don't know about it and how to prevent things. Sometimes some of us are extremely unlucky.

Thinking of you xx

 

[embeth]

Have no experience with this but just wanted to say I really hope that somehow things work out, such a horrible situation to be in. The hospital can only advise you on what they think is best, they can't force you into anything.

Stay strong xxx

 

[yazoo]

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. My heart break every time I hear of another woman who has to follow this long and heartbreaking road I have found myself on.

The hospital cannot make you do anything you do not want to do, express your thoughts and opinions with them and see what they say. As your cervix is already slightly open you have to be very careful as there is a massive risk of infection. There have been cases where the waters have replenished but unfortunately there are so many more where they have not. I want to give you up but I also want you to be prepared for what may happen. Without amniotic fluid baby's lungs cannot mature and its little limbs can become deformed. You obviously have a strong little one there as it still has a heartbeat after all this.

If you want to pm me to talk, please do. If it so happens that you do deliver your beautiful baby then I can give you advice on things you can do in the hospital to create memories of you baby, things that I regret not doing as I was not told about and simply not in the frame of mind to think about after delivering my little boy.

I really hope that yours is one of the cases where the water replenishes and everything turns out fine. Sending you big hugs.

 

[susan_1981]

So sorry you are going through this. My friend had something similar happen when she was pregnant with her daughter. She leaked fluid from 17 weeks onwards. She did manage to always have a little fluid around her head. She had her at 32 weeks because she wasn't growing properly and had to have steroid injections up until 24 weeks. Her little girl hung in there and was born at 32 weeks. She was told by doctors to terminate so many times but she ignored them and good job she did. She was the tiniest baby I've ever seen when she was born but she survived and is now a perfectly healthy 8 year old (although she does have some growth problems but you'd never know to look at her, so she has daily injections until she's a teenager I believe).

I hope your baby stays strong and holds on xxx

 

[Hopefulagain]

Hi Polly, my heart is breaking for you. I completely understand where you are. In December I unexpectantly went into preterm labor at 21 weeks and delivered my daughter alive. My situation was different in that everything happened so fast and my body was in full labor and could not be stopped.

A lady in my infant loss support group went through your same situation at 18 weeks in December with her little boy and had to make a similar decision. In her case, and eventually in yours too I would imagine, her doctors were concerned about the risk of infection to her body and the future damage that it could cause. I know that this is probably THE hardest decision that you will ever make. Hugs to you .

I don't want to frighten you but I would like to give you a bit of advice in the event that you do end up delivering too early. Hold your precious baby for as long as you can. Have your family and friends at the delivery if possible and let them hold and love on the baby too. Zoi's birth was so peaceful. She was born alive and never cried nor open her eyes. But she did move her hands and she was so beautiful, warm and soft. She never struggled to breathe and passed away peacefully in my husband's arms two hours later. We knew that she was gone when her chest stopped moving. Take pictures, especially of family members holding the baby. Trust me, at first you will think that pictures are the last thing that you want. But when it is all said and done it will be all that you have left, even if you never show them to anyone...it's for you.

I am wishing you all the best.

 

[maxalias]

honey, I have a good story for you, My friends waters broke at 20 weeks, She was told their was no hope, She went on bedrest at hospital and was given iv antibiotics to stop infection, steroids for her lungs and she was born at 24 weeks, Fragile but perfect and now she is a gorgeous wee 4 year old! Miracles can happen, I hope you are one of them xxx

 

[Pollyandsammy]

Thank you all for your replies, I have only just got back from the hospital after a very eventful few days.
I went in for my scan on Tuesday as they were fully booked Monday, even though they told me I was a priority :/
Anyway, the ultrasound tech finally started scanning me at 15.05 apparently she hadn't been told the purpose of the scan was to check there was a heartbeat... Damn NHS.
There wasn't a heartbeat, I was sent to a separate private room to discuss my options at 15:45. Whilst waiting for the nurse & midwife to arrive, I went to the toilet. Felt something odd happening "down there" pressed the bell & the midwife came & told me I was having my baby.
Little P was born naturally at 14:33 on 23/04. I had no pain what so ever during the birth, no meds during. I did have a paracetamol IV after with antibiotics, as I have an infection.
Even though I am so upset that this hasn't ended the way I would have loved it to: taking a healthy baby home. I am at peace with what happened, no medical intervention was needed, my body decided it was time & I am so thankful that I was able to have the scan to confirm there was no heartbeat. I think it would have been extremely traumatic if I hadn't have known either way before going into labour.
We spent the night in the hospital, my boyfriend went to see Little P to tell her how much we all love her & she was blessed by the chaplain. It was an extremely calm & settled experience. Even though I am so very upset I feel blessed that Little P wasn't born into this world suffering, it all happened so smoothly, my midwives were so lovely & my boyfriend so supportive by my side the whole time.

I thank you all for your well wishes & messages!
xxx

 

[Nela]

I was going to say to let nature take its course since they would be monitoring you. I would have felt the same way as you. That being said, I am so very sorry that you guys have to deal with this. I am sending you plenty of love and many many hugs Very sorry for your loss. I am glad you had the chance to deal with it on your time though.

 

[Hopefulagain]

Polly- Lots of hugs to you...

 

[Wriggley]

so sorry hun x

 

[mwaah]

Just read your news... I'm so sorry. God bless your little angel and sending you big hugs xx

 

[geordiemammy]

I'm so sorry for your loss I can't imagine what you went through my thoughts are with you!! Did they say why it had happened? Again I'm so sorry xx

 

[maybebaby3]

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx