2 1/2 year old hitting my son

[Ceejay123]

I have a two year old I come into contact with every now and then through my OH’s family, I love him to bits. He’s like a nephew to me; I’ve known him since he was born. We think he has some type of autism, or similar as he’s nearly three and cannot talk. He doesn’t play with toys, he can’t communicate in any way and gets very frustrated because of this. He gets upset at slight things such as hoovers, and will literally crawl up my leg so that I’m holding him.

The other day I was at his Mums, and he started playing a ‘spinning’ game, which he likes. He fell towards my child, so I put my arms out. His mum said ‘Be careful of the baby, he’s only little’. Because we’d gasped and paid attention, he thought it was hilarious, and tried to spin into him twice more, before his Mum picked him up and tried to get him to sit down. (He will NOT do this… ever. He does not listen bless him)

A few minutes later, he thought it was hilarious to try to kick my son… three times. Then he pulled at my sons Jumperoo while he was in it, trying to shake him. Honestly I don’t know how to approach it, at this moment in time I don’t want to take my son near him… I know it’s not his fault and he doesn’t understand, but how do I cope with the issues it causes for my son? 

 

[deafgal]

it may be a typical two years old behavior. they love attention and tend to act out of jealousy. my son (11 yrs old) never played with his toys. he was always doing silly things that don't involve toys and you really couldn't keep him busy unless you are involve in the activities he talked a lot but thats just his personality. he still talk a lot. I would think they would diagnosed your (semi)nephew with with autism by now.

 

[Ceejay123]

His Grandma took him to the doctors when he was 18 months old as he had major signs of it, they said 'Bring him back when he's three, it's too early for us to diagnose him' Although they gave him a speech therapist, and are talking about a special nursery for him. After his third birthday his doctor is going to assess him x

 

[Lilicat]

I would think they would diagnosed your (semi)nephew with with autism by now.

Actually no, most children wont be diagnosed by now. Most children have to wait till they are school age to get a diagnosis.

That said my son is two and a half and is diagnosed as autistic (because I fought for him to see a paediatrician). He isn't aggressive towards other children though he mainly avoids them so I am not sure what to suggest in that case.

I think you just need to be very on top of the situation and ensure he is never able to be aggressive towards your baby. A short simply 'no' if he tries to do something and move the baby should stop him.

You might need to speak to the mother about him being rough with the baby, if you phrase it politely you should be able to get her working with you to limit this behaviour.

My son has very little communication and it often appears he doesn't understand however I am able to discipline him and I wouldn't allow him to hurt another child. With him short basic commands work best (no, stop etc) and if he persists I physically remove him so he can't do it again, consistency is the key.

It is really the mother who needs to be doing this though. All you can do is keep you baby safe and out the way.

 

[Ceejay123]

I agree that his mother should be doing this, Im just very cautious about telling her how to parent, as her son is very difficult to deal with at times. Telling him no doesn't work, ever. If you tell him no, he does whatever it is over and over. Its at the point where I have to keep my LO elevated at my own height to keep him away as he is very jealous.
Thank you for your help, i think i need to find a nice way to approach his Mum.. xx

 

[beth_terri]

While yes it could partly be down to the autism, you have to think if he doesn't communicate but knows he can get a reaction from you all by doing this then he will do it. Lots of toddlers do it. Of course he needs to know its wrong but distraction works a treat with toddlers. Xx

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Sounds like toddler behaviour tbh (at least going by mine and other toddlers I know!) - they tend to test boundaries. It's not that he enjoys hurting your son, all he knows is he plays a game and gets a reaction, and if he's not told off for it then he doesn't know it's wrong or that it hurts.
If his Mum won't discipline him then (assuming he understands fine) if it were me I'd probably have a little word with him myself, obviously going about it very gently.

 

[Foogirl]

I agree that having possible autism or any other form of special need doesn't mean a child can't be disciplined in a suitable way. I suspect this mother wouldn't be doing so regardless of her son's problems, especially if she isn't prepared to do so when he is putting other children at risk.

I wouldn't be stepping in to talk to the child myself as it isn't my place. My concern would be for my own child so the only course of action I would follow would be to remove my child from the situation, whether it be to have him on my knee or playing somewhere he can't be hit or kicked, or reducing the amount of time I spent with the mum and her son.

 

[lhancock90]

My 1 year old sat on my baby the other day, threw a bottle at her and tried to hit her.
I think you are reading far too much into what is normal childlike behaviour tbh.

 

[Ceejay123]

She's someone I'm forced to spend time with through family :/ she is a nice woman and he's a lovely boy. He doesn't understand when you speak to him. If I ask him to sit down he'll get it, but any more than two or three words he gets flustered and confused.

I agree I think I'm going to have to try to keep my son out of his reach, which is so unfair on him when they visit us. I'm just terrified he's going to give my 9 month old a black eye! X

 

[Piggywinkle]

Unfortunately, staying out of the way is what we've had to do. Our niece is a big and boisterous 2 1/2 year old who is obsessed with trying to bash things off LO's head as hard as possible. As far as I can tell, it's not for me to tell another mother how to raise her child so all it caused was tension every time we went to MIL's house as they are there all the time. I got sick of biting my lip at a complete and utter lack of discipline as SIL would rather text her friends on her phone than do anything about it. MIL would then tell SIL off for not doing anything and they'd argue so I'd feel it was my fault for just being there in the first place.

In the end, it was just better to stay away a bit more. Sad but true.

 

[Foogirl]

She's someone I'm forced to spend time with through family :/ she is a nice woman and he's a lovely boy. He doesn't understand when you speak to him. If I ask him to sit down he'll get it, but any more than two or three words he gets flustered and confused.

I agree I think I'm going to have to try to keep my son out of his reach, which is so unfair on him when they visit us. I'm just terrified he's going to give my 9 month old a black eye! X

"Don't hit Riley" should cover it.

Again, most toddlers react to short, to the point conversation and you lose them if a sentence is too long.