2 close in age...

[Tess08]

Hi everyone!

I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. Recently, DH and I have been discussing whether or not this will be our last baby. DH is swaying more towards this being our last because he doesn't want to be having another a few years down the line when we are that bit older as he says he doesn't want to spend so much of his adult life going back to square 1 which I do understand. I on the other hand am not ready to admit this will be our last baby! We have been trying to compromise and so we are now toying with the idea of just not using any sort of contraception after baby is born and seeing what happens. We won't actively try but we won't be preventing it either. So essentially it means we could end up with 2 babies with only a year difference in age so my question is, is there anyone out there who has had 2 kids so close together and what would be the pros/cons of it? I only have 1 friend who has done this and she is completely trying to put me off saying it's harder than having twins because they both still need so much attention but are at very different stages of their development. I understand where she's coming from but I'm scared to leave it a couple of years and then when I bring it up again DH has decided it's too late... x

 

[happycupcake]

We have two who have a little less than 11 months between them. We got the surprise of a rather clear positive test and a 3+ on a CB digi twelve weeks after I had given birth to our son! I had been breastfeeding so she wasn't planned and I hadn't had a period between, so I didn't actually think I was pregnant.
Anyway. I was scared at first for many reasons, one being they would be so close in age and would we cope ok. Despite the fact they are both autistic and behind on a few things (which was apparent at around a year old), we have done fine. Wasn't anywhere close to as hard as I expected it to be!
The things you have to remember are this:

You are still in the swing of things mentally and physically where things like upside down sleep is concerned

You still have many things you would require for a newborn but which your older child doesn't need anymore

There won't be so much risk of one feeling jealous of the other, because they haven't quite figured that one out yet

In many ways a younger child is less demanding and simpler to care for - their requirements are relatively easy to meet and simple

They will always be close

It will be easier to entertain both of them at the same time because they will likely be on a similar wavelength

There are a few points which aren't as positive, like the fact if you fall right away you are putting your body under a lot of pressure. Premature birth is more likely as well (both my boys arrived on their due dates, daughter arrived 13 days earlier so wasn't a huge difference for me, but some do give birth to prems). You haven't given your body time to recover so it's hard on you! But that said, I found labour and birth with my daughter FAR easier than with my sons, who have a decade age gap between them. Labour was longer with my daughter by an hour but only because my waters wouldn't break, but it was easy and I think this was due to my body only having recently done it all, so it wasn't as much of a surprise and of all three children I coped with her labour and birth the easiest, I was updating Facebook and chatting to people still, through contractions lol!

So, there are pros and cons, but on the whole, our experience has been positive and I wouldn't be so scared if I faced that in the future

 

[Tess08]

We have two who have a little less than 11 months between them. We got the surprise of a rather clear positive test and a 3+ on a CB digi twelve weeks after I had given birth to our son! I had been breastfeeding so she wasn't planned and I hadn't had a period between, so I didn't actually think I was pregnant.
Anyway. I was scared at first for many reasons, one being they would be so close in age and would we cope ok. Despite the fact they are both autistic and behind on a few things (which was apparent at around a year old), we have done fine. Wasn't anywhere close to as hard as I expected it to be!
The things you have to remember are this:

You are still in the swing of things mentally and physically where things like upside down sleep is concerned

You still have many things you would require for a newborn but which your older child doesn't need anymore

There won't be so much risk of one feeling jealous of the other, because they haven't quite figured that one out yet

In many ways a younger child is less demanding and simpler to care for - their requirements are relatively easy to meet and simple

They will always be close

It will be easier to entertain both of them at the same time because they will likely be on a similar wavelength

There are a few points which aren't as positive, like the fact if you fall right away you are putting your body under a lot of pressure. Premature birth is more likely as well (both my boys arrived on their due dates, daughter arrived 13 days earlier so wasn't a huge difference for me, but some do give birth to prems). You haven't given your body time to recover so it's hard on you! But that said, I found labour and birth with my daughter FAR easier than with my sons, who have a decade age gap between them. Labour was longer with my daughter by an hour but only because my waters wouldn't break, but it was easy and I think this was due to my body only having recently done it all, so it wasn't as much of a surprise and of all three children I coped with her labour and birth the easiest, I was updating Facebook and chatting to people still, through contractions lol!

So, there are pros and cons, but on the whole, our experience has been positive and I wouldn't be so scared if I faced that in the future

Thanks very much for taking the time to give me this very detailed response! I completely understand there will be pros and cons to it but I think because it's something I really want, I'm completely focussing on the pros lol. I appreciate certain aspects of it will be hard but you just do your best to get on with things don't you?

Just about your comment on breast feeding, does that usually prevent you from falling pregnant again? Just because I plan on breast feeding as long as I can do obviously this would then hinder us in falling pregnant again x

 

[happycupcake]

That's ok, I know it can be a hard decision to make! Sort of anyway, I didn't have a choice lol! But having done it, if we wanted another soon after having a baby I wouldn't let a close age gap put me off.
I think the pros outweigh the cons, but I think it's important to make sure you are as healthy as possible, so your body can cope with another pregnancy soon after having a baby, if it does happen sooner.

Many say breastfeeding is likely to stop ovulation but in my case this wasn't so. I think if you want to plan another pregnancy soon then it may be a good idea to consider breastfeeding but possibly not exclusively, so you have more chance of ovulating. It absolutely isn't impossible though, even exclusively breastfeeding! I think of this is what you both want, go for it

 

[Tess08]

That's ok, I know it can be a hard decision to make! Sort of anyway, I didn't have a choice lol! But having done it, if we wanted another soon after having a baby I wouldn't let a close age gap put me off.
I think the pros outweigh the cons, but I think it's important to make sure you are as healthy as possible, so your body can cope with another pregnancy soon after having a baby, if it does happen sooner.

Many say breastfeeding is likely to stop ovulation but in my case this wasn't so. I think if you want to plan another pregnancy soon then it may be a good idea to consider breastfeeding but possibly not exclusively, so you have more chance of ovulating. It absolutely isn't impossible though, even exclusively breastfeeding! I think of this is what you both want, go for it

Yeh I completely take that on board about letting my body recover first and be in a good position. I don't want to be putting myself at risk when I have my 2 other babies to think of. I definitely think the pros outweigh the cons too so I really think this is something we will go for thanks so much for your help x

 

[catty]

I absolutely loved it.

Its harder now there almost 3 and 4 but i assume any age gap is harder when they get to a certain age.

When my daughter was born my son still took 2 naps a day so i still had about 3 hours a day to clean and relax. No such luck now theres no napping everrrr

 

[happycupcake]

True that lol once they are older I think it's harder than when you have a newborn and a year old. Our two close in age tend to be like Marmite towards each other - today they love each other, tomorrow it will be the opposite! But, I don't regret it and I would absolutely do it all again.
The only real hard part of pregnancy was the SPD, but obviously this isn't a factor for everyone. I don't know if two pregnancies so close together played a part in that but even so, I wouldn't let it put me off if I wanted to do it close together in future