elainem1981
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2016
- Messages
- 1
- Reaction score
- 0
my husband and i have only just started ttc so only two cycles have gone by. i'm a bit worried anyway, because i'm 35 and both of us have a history of smoking. (though i'm in the midst of cutting down, and my quit date is dec. 1. i will make it. he wants to quit but hasn't yet.) anyway, that's not my question (just trying to explain why i'm nervous about ttc even though we haven't been trying for long.)
my question is about dealing with babymaking comments and questions from entirely well meaning relatives. we're going to be spending two weeks over christmas and new years with his family, whom i LOVE. seriously, i have fantastic inlaws. i adore them and they adore me. my husband and i have been together for four years and before we even got married his relatives were already starting with the baby comments. (my side doesn't do this, thankfully.)
since we got married, his brother and sister-in-law have had 2 kids (for a total of 3), and just last night one of his cousins announced that he and his partner are expecting. there was this massive flurry of activity on the family whatsapp chat group, mostly congrats for the cousin and his partner, but there were as usual a few comments exclaiming that my husband and i "are next!"
i know this is coming from a place of love and excitement. my husband is the youngest child of a big family and his siblings are all quite a bit older than him, so he's kind of the baby and everyone loves him. and they've wholeheartedly embraced me. so i get why they're excited for possible future babies we might (i hope) have, but i still get really, really uncomfortable with the constant joking and questions etc. no one knows that we're currently trying either, and i don't care to tell anyone because it'll just raise expectations.
how do i respond? christmas is a month away but i'm already trying to steel myself against this. i've googled around but the advice on how to respond to these sorts of questions is often kind of cold, or at least colder than i'd want to be with my inlaws -- for example, responding to the question "when are you guys going to start a family??" with "when we do i'll let you know." that sounds sarcastic to me... although i guess it kind of depends on the tone....
also, this is probably a relevant complication to add -- my in-laws are italian, so there is also a slight language barrier. my italian is really pretty decent -- i wouldn't say that i'm fluent, but i can carry on a conversation in pretty much any topic and i understand almost all conversations around me. however, i don't really have the level where i can master nuances in my tone of voice the way i can in english -- you know, like subtle inflections in my tone that let someone know i'm joking.... i can't do this because my brain is too busy trying to conjugate verbs
so i need to think of something to say that is straightfoward and discourages further questioning, but is also not rude and won't be misinterpreted as such.
sorry this is so long. can you tell i'm nervous???
my question is about dealing with babymaking comments and questions from entirely well meaning relatives. we're going to be spending two weeks over christmas and new years with his family, whom i LOVE. seriously, i have fantastic inlaws. i adore them and they adore me. my husband and i have been together for four years and before we even got married his relatives were already starting with the baby comments. (my side doesn't do this, thankfully.)
since we got married, his brother and sister-in-law have had 2 kids (for a total of 3), and just last night one of his cousins announced that he and his partner are expecting. there was this massive flurry of activity on the family whatsapp chat group, mostly congrats for the cousin and his partner, but there were as usual a few comments exclaiming that my husband and i "are next!"
i know this is coming from a place of love and excitement. my husband is the youngest child of a big family and his siblings are all quite a bit older than him, so he's kind of the baby and everyone loves him. and they've wholeheartedly embraced me. so i get why they're excited for possible future babies we might (i hope) have, but i still get really, really uncomfortable with the constant joking and questions etc. no one knows that we're currently trying either, and i don't care to tell anyone because it'll just raise expectations.
how do i respond? christmas is a month away but i'm already trying to steel myself against this. i've googled around but the advice on how to respond to these sorts of questions is often kind of cold, or at least colder than i'd want to be with my inlaws -- for example, responding to the question "when are you guys going to start a family??" with "when we do i'll let you know." that sounds sarcastic to me... although i guess it kind of depends on the tone....
also, this is probably a relevant complication to add -- my in-laws are italian, so there is also a slight language barrier. my italian is really pretty decent -- i wouldn't say that i'm fluent, but i can carry on a conversation in pretty much any topic and i understand almost all conversations around me. however, i don't really have the level where i can master nuances in my tone of voice the way i can in english -- you know, like subtle inflections in my tone that let someone know i'm joking.... i can't do this because my brain is too busy trying to conjugate verbs
so i need to think of something to say that is straightfoward and discourages further questioning, but is also not rude and won't be misinterpreted as such.sorry this is so long. can you tell i'm nervous???
