2 year old doesn't want to come home from daycare

[Kaylen]

My daughter is 2 years old, plus a couple of months. The last couple of weeks she refuses to leave daycare with me. Previously, she always ran to me when I went to pick her up and left immediately, but now its a struggle every day. She sees me, sometimes waves, sometimes doesn't acknowledge me and doesn't come to me at all. She seems to stay away from me on purpose. I tell her lets go home, she says no go home. I try to make it exciting so I tell her, we are going to see daddy, see the cats, cook dinner, etc. she says no to everything. I end up having to drag her out of there screaming every day. Its embarrassing, and not to mention it hurts my feelings. I am also very pregnant so its hard to hold a kicking toddler. I don't know why she is acting this way. I guess home isn't as fun as daycare, but she still always wanted to come home. Now all she asks for is her teachers and friends and in the morning she is running out of the door to go to daycare.
On top, she has started throwing some crazy tantrums. If she wants something, she screams and won't stop even though I tell her she cant have it because its not a toy, or its dangerous for her to play with it. She does not give up. And she says no to everything I ask her. Like she says she wants to watch tv, so I turn it on and ask her what she wants to watch, she doesn't tell me so I ask is it this one, she says no, I list a bunch of shows, she says no to everything. It seems like its a no to everything mommy says, just because I am the one saying it. I am very frustrated.. any advice?

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

My LG does the same with not wanting to leave nursery, even laid facedown the other day and scooched backwards saying noooooooo Dont want to go home.

It's just because she's having fun and is part way through something when I arrive. I tend to just sit down and say 'ok finish doing...... and then we'll go' she then gets up happily and leaves.

With decisions like the tv one I had a few occasions of the no no no when giving different options and realised it doesn't work. Now if she says she wants tv or a snack or whatever I give 2 choices. If she says no to both of those then i just say ok then you don't want Tv/snacks..... let's do something else then.

 

[Parkep]

I think Wannabe Mommy has a good idea. Even if she isnt in the middle of something, give her a warning. Don't leave right away tell her she has 2 mins to finish up playing before you go. It might take awhile before she gets it. But it works. I use it at playgrounds, friends house etc. Then they dont panic as soon as they see you, that they have to stop the fun and leave right away.
Also the two choices and thats it. If she says no, move on to something else. She will learn she has to pick one or its nothing. This is a hard age too. They cant always communicate and get frustrated. Plus she probably feels that things are changing with the baby on the way.

 

[Kaylen]

I have been sitting with her and letting her finish whatever they are doing. Then she still doesn't want to leave. yesterday I somehow got her to leave the room, then we stopped at another place and started playing with stuff and didn't want to leave again. Then she stopped at the front door and started playing there. At that point is the hardest tog et her to go, and she also lays down on the floor and screams. The teacher carried her to the car for me yesterday and buckled her in.
I have tried giving her choices, for clothing usually because she is very picky on that too, and it still doesn't work. she will pick something and then says no again.
I have tried with snacks to get her to go to the car, which usually works, but I don't want her to get the idea that if she doesn't listen to mommy she gets a snack.
She is very persistent, and I must have given in at some point, but lately I really stick to my decision when I say no, she is getting worse instead.

 

[Kaylen]

I think Wannabe Mommy has a good idea. Even if she isnt in the middle of something, give her a warning. Don't leave right away tell her she has 2 mins to finish up playing before you go. It might take awhile before she gets it. But it works. I use it at playgrounds, friends house etc. Then they dont panic as soon as they see you, that they have to stop the fun and leave right away.
Also the two choices and thats it. If she says no, move on to something else. She will learn she has to pick one or its nothing. This is a hard age too. They cant always communicate and get frustrated. Plus she probably feels that things are changing with the baby on the way.

And yes, I think the baby on the way has been affecting her. She wasn't getting it at first but I feel like she understands now that something is happening. I don't know what to do about this honestly. I sit with her and try to play but she ignores me a lot. Plus I am not very good at playing with little kids, its hard for me to be entertaining. And the other thing is, she talks a lot and understands a lot but I am not always sure that she understands when I tell her that we have to leave in 5 minutes or whatever time. Some things are still hard.

 

[Beth04]

I am sure that it is just a phase that you will have to plow through. A year ago (at age 2), my son was so upset to be brought to daycare. Every morning was a struggle to get him there. Now, a year later, he does the exact same thing as your daughter. Even with a five minute warning/letting him finish his activity, etc., we often still end up leaving with him in tears and without boots or a jacket with me carrying him out the door. It's just because he is having fun (and to be honest, this is much preferable to him being upset at drop off). Just keep doing what you're doing and it will pass. Also, don't be embarrassed. Kids act like this all of the time, and her caretakers have seen it many times before. It does not reflect poorly on you at all. Soon this will be a distant memory

 

[catty]

I understand giving her a treat to get her to leave seems as if she has control of the situation ' if i dont get my treat im not coming' but really you are still in control of the situation she just doesnt know it.
When i go to pick my daughter up i have 3 kids under 4 to get back to the car or walk home. The easiest way to do this for me is to offer a small treat. This gives them an incentive to be good and it just makes life so much easier. Sometimes il bring yoghurt raisins they think thats a treat even though its not that bad and sometimes squeezy jelly things.
Your heavily pregnant so if i was you id just make life as easy as possible for now and give her a reason to want to leave (sweetie, nice juice etc)
Then as time goes on maybe make the incentive longer away 'when we get home you will get your treat'
Sometimes weve just got to do what works until they come out of these phases.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

The 3yr old I nanny does that. Sometimes he doesnt want to leave his mom and sometimes he doesnt want to leave my house. Yesterday he didnt want to leave his mom but once I distracted him with Legos, he was fine. Last Friday, he didnt want to go home. He wanted to build something for his mom. She just kept telling him, it was time to go.

 

[Kaylen]

Thanks for the replies all. Its good to know its not just my crazy kid. Yesterday went better. She wanted to go back outside and play with her class, but I told her there is a cookie in the car so she went without fussing. I may keep on doing that for as long as it works. She changes her mind all the time!