21, Single, 14 Weeks Pregnant

[Lunabelle33]

I don't know whether to call this a rant or just looking for someone to talk too about my situation to other mothers in the same boat. (One of my friends on here told me to post my story on this section) Sorry if it is long I don't want to leave anything out.

First off, as my thing says I am 21, Now single and 14 weeks pregnant.

My story starts like this, I met this guy online we talked for a while, then on my birthday last year (Dec 5 2012) I met him in person. At first I thought things were great. He was cute, knew how to sweet talk me. He was 25 at the time now 26. So we coupled up. In January we talked about kids, and Jan 20 I came off the pill. (That was a mistake...Not saying I regret my baby in any way I don't I just wish I was smarter). I thought that he was going somewhere with his life..He was in school. Feb he dropped out. I moved in, and pretty much played his money wench....I supported him as much as I could. Going without things for myself to make him happy.

All he ever wanted to do was play video games, now I normally dont care, I like the odd game...But to let it over come your life. To quit school and not want to get a job just to play games...I am sorry...No. All this time still thinking about having a baby.

Then the sexual aspect came in, and sorry if this is TMI but I am not one for giving blow jobs...And he demanded them. This got to the point I broke up with him over it, and he broke up with me over it. So there was my red flags that I never seen until it was tooooooo late. At this point in time I was considering getting back on the pill and I was going to go to the dr the next week to ask for them again. Turns out I am 5 weeks pregnant at this time.

I stayed with the babies father until I was about 7 weeks along. And at this point in time I just could not handle it anymore. Apart from the blow jobs, the game playing, it was always fighting, he punched things, threw the kitten down the stairs at one point :/ Made me start to think, Do I really want to be with this over grown man child anymore? He even said he wanted to start selling weed to provide for me and the baby. Sorry I am not having that at all. He wasnt to pleased about me saying I would leave if he did. That night I cried myself to sleep (I knew the stress was not good on the baby I told him this he didn't care) The next day at 8 am he asks me to leave, for some reason I grabbed all my things and called my mother. I tried to hug him before I left but nothing. I got home and talked things over with my mom to see how she felt about it. It was a great help to talk to someone about it.

So I took it upon myself to leave him. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself I think. He called me down to the dirt, calling me a whore and a **** publicly on facebook. Also said he was going to put himself in hospital and if I ever dated anyone he would kill them. He honestly went crazy.

Now I have not heard from him in about a month, and according to his fb (my friend looked it up while i was there) is says he is planning on moving across the country.

Sometimes I just feel so lost and lonely and sorry this is so long I just needed to get it out and have someone to talk about it with. I see all these happy couples and families on fb and ig and it just makes me feel down that I am alone in all this. Sorry if somethings are not very clear I can elaborate more if needed. I was trying to make this as short as I could

 

[teal]

First of all you should be so, so proud of yourself for getting away from him there are lots of red flags. Demanding oral sex is wrong. I'm not sure from your post whether you did or not but you should never be pressured into anything whether it through physical force or emotional abuse/coercion. Trying to manipulate you saying he'll put himself in hospital is selfish and also wrong. To me it sounds like sexual and emotional abuse.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I know it seems difficult now and it will be but it all comes together. My ex was abusive, I've not seen him since before I found out I was pregnant. It was hard going through pregnancy alone, seeing couples at appointments and scans. Then having midwives ask about he father at various appointments. It's draining but it does get better. Honestly, it does.

On the plus side it's happened now so you have another 26 weeks to get used to the idea of being a single mum, rather than having a new baby and then he shows his true colours.

I never thought I'd be a single mum. I never thought I'd cope but I did, because I had to and so will you.

You can pm me anytime. Sending you massive hugs xx

 

[Dezireey]

You have done the best thing by leaving him. Its just not right for you or your baby now to be around someone like that any more. He has issues and he needs to deal with them himself. We all make bad choices in life and lots of us try to see the best in people ( I'm sooo guilty of that myself) when there is nothing good in that person at all.

You will have a happy and lovely life with your child, its just scary now but time makes it all get easier. When your little one arrives, you will feel so much better and you will strive to be a good mum because you have to be and you will love your baby so much.

 

[Lunabelle33]

Thank you so much ladies, He sure showed some of his true colours tonight. I thought I forgot my camera at his place so my friend went down to his house to see if it was there. Now my first reaction if the friend of my babies mother had shown up at the door would be to ask about the baby....Never happened.

 

[daneuse27]

Congratulations on your pregnancy You should be proud of yourself for how brave you've been. It took a lot of guts to walk away from him, and you did. You and your beautiful baby both deserve much better than that low-life and I'm glad that you got away.

Being a single mom can be difficult in a lot of ways, but there many things that make it easier. You'll be able to make all the decisions on your own (the baby's name, where the baby will be born, clothing, and everything else) without having to consider someone else's point of view.

The hardest part about single parenting is the extra work, and sometimes the lack of emotional support. So don't be afraid to ask for help! Your mom sounds understanding and supportive. Talk to close friends, and look for any single-parent resources in your area. And of course, we're on here too

I'm glad you've decided to continue the journey to motherhood, you are entering an exciting and rewarding world. We're all here if you want to talk! You can PM me anytime also.

 

[Lunabelle33]

Thank you for taking the time to reply :3

Even though I am able to pick what ever names I want...It is proving to be the hardest thing ever I am the most indecisive person ever. I do however have a middle name picked out!!

 

[Perseids]

Hi! I read your story and I'm in a similar situation as you. I'm 23, newly single, and 12 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby still wants to be in the babies life...but I don't know how that is going to work since I'm moving at least 1,000 miles away. We broke it off because we fought all the time and now he "needs to work on himself" aka 'not be there for me when I am unbelievably sick'. All of our fights were because I tried to talk to him about issues we were facing but he insisted on ignoring it all. Boo. So, I'm here if you ever want to talk/vent/whatever.


Haha...the whole picking a name thing is really hard. That's great that you have a middle name picked out! Care to share?

 

[Lunabelle33]

Hi! I read your story and I'm in a similar situation as you. I'm 23, newly single, and 12 weeks pregnant. The father of my baby still wants to be in the babies life...but I don't know how that is going to work since I'm moving at least 1,000 miles away. We broke it off because we fought all the time and now he "needs to work on himself" aka 'not be there for me when I am unbelievably sick'. All of our fights were because I tried to talk to him about issues we were facing but he insisted on ignoring it all. Boo. So, I'm here if you ever want to talk/vent/whatever.


Haha...the whole picking a name thing is really hard. That's great that you have a middle name picked out! Care to share?

Guys can be soo odd at times :/ but hey we gots this And the middle name is gunna be Sandy wether it be a boy or girl. its what everyone calls my pop figure, and i just figured it would be a nice thing to do ^.^

 

[daneuse27]

I like Sandy Actually... its my middle name. Its a good unisex name. Any ideas on first names?

 

[Lunabelle33]

I have a list of boy and girl names but I'm not entirely happy with them, I want something different and unique.

 

[Michellelove]

i can say the same thing that happend to me... i married the wrong dude... but stay strong and being single and pregnant sucks tell me about it... feeling lonely and all but it gets better im about to be 21 weeks and once u start to feel the baby gets better!!!!!!! stay strong send me a msg when ever u feel sad im alone too...

 

[Lunabelle33]

i can say the same thing that happend to me... i married the wrong dude... but stay strong and being single and pregnant sucks tell me about it... feeling lonely and all but it gets better im about to be 21 weeks and once u start to feel the baby gets better!!!!!!! stay strong send me a msg when ever u feel sad im alone too...

Thanks love. It is hard. I will be 17 weeks now on sunday I do have an awesome group of friends who are helping me get through this and keep my mind occupied.

 

[soph901]

Hey first of all good on you for leaving him he doesnt deserve u or your baby i've gone through a similar situation with my ex my lo is now 6 months old and has had no contact at all with his dad or sperm donor as i like to call him hes now off in a new city with a new gf that probably doesnt have a clue that he's a dad he's a good liar and if she does know he's concocted some other lie like i dont let him see him or hes not his cos i cheated etc anything to look like the victim. I know its hard but u will get through this not saying its not bloody hard being a single mum n i sometimes look at the men that have faced their responsibilities n it makes me feel terrible that my lo doesnt have that but i know that mine and my los life is better this way all the best hun and congratulations x