2nd mmc, 4th loss

[pinkpassion]

I'm laying here being induced after finding out yesterday my worst fears have come true once again... I got a horrible feeling over the weekend and went to the dr yesterday morning for reassurance and my dr was great, and said "let's check on that baby of yours, to put your mind at easy!" I could tell as soon as she put the probe on me that something was wrong..
She has been amazing and I know God led me to her during this pregnancy for a reason.. I switched to her after finding out I was pregnant because I finally got tired of being treated like I was a crazy worrier from my old ob... she never took my fears and concerns seriously, never did appropriate testing after my 3rd loss and just acted like "oh well", even when she told me during my last mmc that my baby's heart had stopped she just kinda brushed it off and said o well we just jinxed ourselves...
Anyway my new dr honestly showed more compassion , concern , heartbreak and was the most sincere I've ever seen a dr and I've only known her for a little over a month .. she put a plan in place to induce our baby and send off for genetic testing and we will find out the gender and name our precious gem, and then from there I will undergo complete and thorough recurrent pregnancy loss testing (she specializes in recurrent pregnancy loss and high risk pregnancy ) .. we won't havr all tests back for roughly 12 weeks so ttc is out until all that comes back...
I just am still in so much shock that this has happened again!!! She asked me if I wanted to see my baby yesterday and I did, seeing a lifeless baby measuring 3 days behind that should be bouncing around 10 week old baby was devastating .. but I needed to see..
I had a d&c for my first mmc, but my dr was very good about explaining all the options and said she's prefer not to do another d&c because of the risk of uterine scarring with each d&c so we chose medical management to try to get baby out as quickly as possible before deterioration so we can get good testing done..
I oddly look forward to the testing. . I long to know what this baby is and am sad that I didn't get that with my other mmc..
My dh is amazing and my (other) rock (next to God) and I don't know what I would do without him!! He has been by my side through this whole thing so far and just continues to be strong even though I know he's hurting too!!!
I just need someone to talk to here, I need some hope that I will get to have another baby.. I know I havr a perfect dd so it's possible but we so badly wanted more kids close together in age .. (which is one reason we never prevented anything after the birth of my dd because we didn't know with our history if we'd have issues again and didn't want to prevent a potential baby) I just needed to get all this out ... I'm so sad for my little baby!!
I'm sad that this isn't moving faster and worried I'll end in d&c .. I started the medication yesterday and it's just produced painful contractions and backache, no bleeding yet.. I'm about to do my 3rd dose!!!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Oh Pink I can't put into words how sorry I am to see you in this forum. I feel your pain as I'm going through a very similar situation. Unfortunately the medical management hasn't worked for me but I'm praying it works for you and that you have as pain free birth as possible and that you can gain some insight into why this keeps happening to you.
I'm glad to hear you have a lovely Dr, I think it really makes such a difference.
If you need to talk one to one my inbox is always open hun. Love, prayers and hugs to you, your husband and precious littlen xxx

 

[pinkpassion]

Thank you lilmiss!!! It's hard to even believe I'm here again!!! Things have started about 30 minutes ago and I think it's all moving fast!!!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Well I'm glad things are moving along for you. Wishing you all the strength in the world xx

 

[IsaacRalph]

Sorry about your losses ladies! I had my 3rd loss about 2 months back xx

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Oh, Pinkpassion! I remember you from the first tri. I'm so sorry to see you here again. Your story was so similar to mine but I was hoping you would have a better outcome. I also just had my third loss in a row, or more like I am going through it as we speak.

I completely understand about doctors being unemotional about miscarriage. My midwife, who I saw for all my other pregnancies, was the same way. She was very pushy about me getting a D&C but I had already decided on miscarrying naturally this time since my last two ended in D&Cs and, like you, I wanted to avoid having another surgery if possible to avoid complications of multiple D&Cs. When I tried to ask her a question she would cut me off and she kept repeating "There is no chance. You're for sure going to miscarry." After she saw I wasn't giving in to a D&C she pretty much said she was done with me, gave me depression meds because I sounded like I needed them to her and added "Call us if you need pain meds or a D&C."


Unfortunately I know exactly what you're going through. I can only hope and pray the future holds better for you, whatever you decide to do. Lots of hugs to you

 

[pinkpassion]

Thanks ladies!!!
I ended up passing baby around 10:30 am Tuesday morning!!! It's so sad to see that lifeless little body just laying there.
I can't believe it still, after baby was measuring behind it scared me because of my past mmc that happened but I had 4 ultrasounds after that and all was fine, baby had caught up and was doing well .. with this last ultrasound (5th one) even though I felt in my gut something wasn't right I thought surely this can't happen again?! But it did happen AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
I can't say enough how thankful I am for my dr, she's been amazing !!!!!
I ordered the two things she wants me to be on yesterday ... It made me feel better ... like I'm being proactive in trying to make a healthy baby sometime in the next 3-4 months!!! This next time I am not 1)going to have tons of early ultrasounds (the outcome will not change and it will just cause me worse anxiety ) and 2) I'll be careful during my next pregnancy, but I will not be googling every little thing and be worried about every little thing... I just can't , it consumed me last time!!!
I will agree to hcg/progesterone if they want it!!

It helps me to think about the next time and put a plan in place for myself ... I'll spend the next 3 months getting house stuff that I've been wanting to do done!!!! Stuff I don't need to do while pregnant!!!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Again, I am SO sorry for your loss Pink. Your baby is flying high as we speak God bless xx

 

[Dana_Scully]

I'm sorry for your loss God is my rock too. I'm hoping to see a specialist since my OB/GYN gave me a reference. I hope we get our answers!