3.5 month old and sleep training

[ElizabethK_]

MY SHOULDER AND BACK ARE KILLING ME!

So yeah... she will not nap anywhere BUT on my shoulder and i have to rock her for at least 45mins before I can put her down at night... And even then she might wake up... Plus we may have hit a sleep regression as she's waking more frequently at night and it's getting harder and harder to put her down again.

I wanna sleep train... controlled CIO to be exact. Anyone who's tried it? How long did it take? Pros and cons?

Please don't suggest a wrap. I ache all over, i want this baby sleeping in her co-sleeper or cot...

 

[sheebee]

I think that sleep training (especially any sort or 'cry training') isn't recommended until 6 months. Babies need to develop object permanence before they can actually learn anything from it.

I believe there are more cons than pros in regards to any sleep training involving crying. There are gentle approachs (try reading the No Cry Sleep Solution) that might help your little one but I'd really research well into Cry training before doing it. After lots of reading I decided well against it and have never trained my almost three yr old (awful sleeper!) And will not sleep train my 5month old.

Although it's difficult, try to remind yourself that till too will pass, soon enough you won't have a tiny baby needing your cuddles. To your LO you are their entire world. Lack of sleep is exhausting but we don't get the opportunity to do the baby stage again.

Again, I know you said not to recommend a wrap but maybe you could try a few before dismissing them. Yes, babies are weighty (ds 2 was born 10lb 15oz so I know what you're talking about!!) But i see it as an investment. The more i put in at this baby stage the more we can ensure they have the basis for a happy, secure, emotionally mature future.

Keep on keeping on mama, you're giving your LO what she needs!

 

[HoneyBee144]

I can sympathise, my youngest son only wants to be rocked to sleep and can take quite a while to fall asleep and then wake frequently. Its killing me as he's quite heavy (14lb 14oz at his last 12 week check!) and I've also injured my rotator cuff (in my shoulder) so it's agony. I'm afraid I don't have any advice as I don't like controlled crying or CIO especially not for a baby so young but that's my personal opinion. Just wanted to offer my sympathies, I know how hard it is and I hope you find something that works for you

 

[bdb84]

I've done a modified version of Babywise since DD2 was born. Mainly focusing on the eat, play, sleep routine and never allowing her to fall asleep while nursing/bottle feeding (we do both). There are days where she needs/wants to eat once more before a nap, so we do, but I'm always careful to unlatch her/take away the bottle once she starts to zone out. I've laid her in her bed awake (but drowsy) for every nap/bedtime and it's worked like a charm.

I'm now able to lay her in bed at her first sign of being tired (she rubs her eyes). Once I lay her down, she'll lift up onto her forearms to look around and talk, but always puts herself to sleep with *zero* crying.

For what it's worth- I've never once had to deal with any sort of crying with this routine. I know Babywise is looked down upon because most view it as simply letting the baby CIO every time. I believe that, since I've followed it so early on, and made changes where *I* felt it was too rigid for her age.. that's why she's taken to it so easily and happily.

 

[AK89]

I'm gonna be "that guy" and say PLEASE don't sleep train your baby! There are SO many more cons than pros. In fact the only pros there are (that they "learn to self soothe" and need sleep better/for longer) are misplaced and shortlived. In short, babies, and children up to a certain age are incapable of self soothing. That part of their brain is not yet developed. All that's happening when a sleep trained baby stops crying / "settles" and goes to sleep is that the baby has learnt that their cries are going unnoticed and so there's no point in continuing.

Also most sleep trained babies end up going through massive regressions later on. I myself am a prime example of this! My mum did CIO/CC/whatever you wanna call it with me cos that was the done thing at the time. I was a poor sleeper up til I can remember. And I suffer from anxiety and self esteem issues that, since having a baby myself and researching into sleep training, I believe could stem from being left to cry as a child.

I know I'm probably gonna get pounced on now for being so critical of something that a lot of people choose to do but so be it!

https://www.babygaga.com/buzz/show/752/7-reasons-to-avoid-the-cry-it-out-method/7

 

[ElizabethK_]

I get it... but what do I do about the pain? i ache so much, it's getting worse by the day!

I have a wrap. It's in the closet as she will ONLY sleep on my shoulder with my arm supporting her, while i rock her side to side. ONLY. So the wrap was a waste of money..

 

[LovemyBubx]

My baby will only sleep on my chest once he's in a deep sleep I can sometimes move him to sleep by my side in bed. But really 90% of the night he's asleep on my chest & I do use my carrier during the day.

I've looked into sleep training but not CIO more the pick up/pat ?? Method but me personally I think he's too young all he wants is the security of being with mummy he doesn't understand me leaving him yet. I'm prob going to wait a couple more months until I try getting him to sleep on his own.

 

[sheebee]

I would look into some treatment for yourself, I regularly go to the osteopath, but I'm sure a good massage to help your tired muscles would be good. It's so easy to feel at the end of your coping abilities (physically or emotionally) but you're not! A little break, sometime for you to just be you and reset can so the world of good. Anyone who can have your LO for a few hours at the weekend for you to have a little time?

 

[sheebee]

Also, just to say my eldest was a difficult sleeper, and I found it used to get very stressful for me, which in turn he picked up on, which stressed him out, making everything a horrid, stressful cycle. I tried to find peace with myself and the situation and found that it really did have an effect on LO. I can go into this further if you think it might help but don't want to push too much as I know that isn't helpful.

 

[ElizabethK_]

I just feel like crying most of the time.. i just dont know what to do

she is little. i know she wants mommy but DH won't help me with her, she's too dependent on me and wants to be on me all day and i am just too exhausted to spend quality time with her...

 

[jodilee6]

Do you have a rocker/glider chair?

At this age LO was getting heavy but still needed me, I found my rocker to be worth it's weight in gold!

I could prop him up on my arms using pillows in a position that he was happy in but the chair supported the majority of his weight, I found this much better and I was actually able to enjoy nap times rather than dread it.

Hang in there mama it will get easier

 

[Button#]

Maybe try something gentler like lying down and cuddling her or shh pat. At least then you're staying with her and in physical contact with her for reassurance. I'm not a fan of CIO or CC anyway but I think you have other options you can try before leaving her alone to cry.

 

[ElizabethK_]

Unfortunately a glider/rocker is not in the plans as we are not financially doing well.. I Have an IKEA chair that kinda rocks but she only likes the side to side movement anyway.

I will definitely not leave her alone to cry, that is why i said contolled crying although the pu/pd method i just read about seemed similar but with more reassurance. I just wanted to know if anyone tried and how it went. She's 15lbs now and is growing fast - which is GREAT for her - not great for my shoulder... ((((

 

[sheebee]

Is there any way her daddy can have her for a few hours over the weekend? I can hear you are exhausted.

 

[LovemyBubx]

I understand it is very exhausting & sometimes frustrating this phase will pass before we know it xxx

 

[ElizabethK_]

Unfortunately DH isn't very helpful with her... So no that's not a possibility. I have her all day and all night.

 

[londonangel]

We sleep trained our first at six minutes months as she got too heavy to be rocked to sleep. We did the usual routine and put her down, kissed her goodnight etc. we left her crying for five minutes (horrible!) then returned, picked her up and hugged her, kissed her and said goodnight again and put her down. Took about fifteen mins first night, less than ten on second and within a week she just smiled when we put her down and went to sleep. She is four now and we have not had any problems with her sleep or anything else.

Our little one can go to sleep on her own without having had any sleep training. She basically follows her sister's routine so knows it is bedtime and just settles down and goes to sleep.

Hang in there it will get better but whatever you do, stick to your guns. Babies often thrive on routine.

 

[londonangel]

Oh and tell DH him not helping is not an option. You sound a bit depressed and he needs to realise that not helping could have bad consequences for your mental state. My DH has always helped. I am still exclusively breastfeeding the little one but he used to stay up with her in the early days if she would not sleep so I could get some rest.

 

[londonangel]

On the plus side at least yours is growing well. Mine has dropped to second centile from 25th so I think I will have to stop exclusively bf soon as the Health Visitor does not think she is getting enough to eat ��

 

[lisa1980]

I remember that exhaustion well. It makes you desperate. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have no support either.

My first was an awful sleeper and I tried all the gentle methods I could find to no avail. Eventually, after months of terrible crying (him and me!) and sleeping for no more than 20-40 mins at a time, I lost it and decided to try CC (not CIO). He was around 9 months at the time and I felt he was old enough.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it didn't work for us. I probably didn't do it right as his crying just stressed me out so much it wasn't worth it. He did start to sleep longer stretches after two nights so I thought we had cracked it but then he got a cold and we were back to square one, and I certainly couldn't do it again. I just felt that we'd have to start again every time he cut a tooth, got sick etc.

To be completely honest I regret it. I don't believe it 'damaged' him as such (we didn't stick to it properly tbh) but even the attempt was awful for all of us and caused more stress than it solved. If anything it made him more scared of his cot. I still feel horribly guilty about it.

I do understand how you feel though as I remember the desperation so clearly...my opinion is that your LO is too young at the moment to get anything useful out of it anyway tbh

As a PP said, would you be able to try laying down wih her against you? She may well cry for a bit whilst getting used to it but at least she's being held and reassured whilst crying and it gives your back a break.