3 year old not going to nursery

[October9]

Hi ladies,

Just wondering if there are any UK SAHMs who haven't put their toddlers in preschool/ nursery.

My son will be starting school next year and I have just put him in a playgroup for 2 mornings a week to get used to him being on his own and to get more interaction with other children. But people keep pestering me to put him in a nursery but To me it seems silly.

I'm a SAHM and want to look after him myself. I never went to a nursery and its not compulsory to send them either.

Anyone else out there like me or am i messing up his start to school life by not sending him?

 

[minties]

I'm not from the UK but we seem to do things pretty similarly in New Zealand, we get some funding to send 3+ year olds to preschool for 20 hours a week. Sophie's still at home with me as I'm a SAHM and it like having her around! But people think I'm insane.

 

[familygirl30]

I'm in the UK, so your little one goes to playgroup 2 morns where you leave them? Our playgroups in our area are where parents stay that's all. My boy has just started pre school for 2 morns a week so that he gets used to not been with me all the time and for him to interact with the children.if your son stays at playgroup without you I'm sure that's enough, just like I feel 2 morns is enough for my son.After xmas I may put him down for extra morn

 

[MindUtopia]

I do think there is some benefit to giving them a chance to start socialising on their own without you always being there to intervene, but if he's going to playgroup already and you don't have any concerns about opportunities for developing his social skills, like turn taking, sharing, or doing other things independently, like using the toilet, having lunch, changing clothes, all the things they need to be able to do before they start school, then that sounds fine to me. There are lots of ways to expose him to ways to learn that and social experiences with other kids. If what you're doing already is working for you, then I wouldn't feel pressured to change it.

My daughter is the same age and she does go to nursery full-time 5 days a week now (we both work full-time) and it's been amazing for her. She loves it and the friends she has there. Honestly, I don't think I personally could provide the same quality of experience for her if she was home with me (because I would be distracted by work and it would be stressful and I just wouldn't be able to enjoy our time together). But I don't think you can't create those same sorts of experiences yourself at home and at groups and classes and such if you want to. It just takes more effort on your part really, but as long as you're happy with the experience he's having now, then no reason to change that.

 

[October9]

I'm in the UK, so your little one goes to playgroup 2 morns where you leave them? Our playgroups in our area are where parents stay that's all. My boy has just started pre school for 2 morns a week so that he gets used to not been with me all the time and for him to interact with the children.if your son stays at playgroup without you I'm sure that's enough, just like I feel 2 morns is enough for my son.After xmas I may put him down for extra morn

Yeah he starts next Tues where I leave him. Thanks for your reply. I think it will be just right for him too.
😊

I know its the normal thing for parents to put them in nursery because they have to return to work but I'm very lucky I can stay at home x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

My daughter is 3yr 9mths and does not go to any childcare xx

 

[familygirl30]

I'm in the UK, so your little one goes to playgroup 2 morns where you leave them? Our playgroups in our area are where parents stay that's all. My boy has just started pre school for 2 morns a week so that he gets used to not been with me all the time and for him to interact with the children.if your son stays at playgroup without you I'm sure that's enough, just like I feel 2 morns is enough for my son.After xmas I may put him down for extra morn

Yeah he starts next Tues where I leave him. Thanks for your reply. I think it will be just right for him too.
😊

I know its the normal thing for parents to put them in nursery because they have to return to work but I'm very lucky I can stay at home x

Some people can't understand why I'm not using all our free 15 hrs yet, I'm a sahm too and I enjoy our days together too, and want to make the most of it before he starts school!

 

[minties]

Children don't start school till age 5 here, it's about age 4 in the UK right? So definitely able to dress and undress, go to the toilet, having a set lunch time etc etc by the time school starts (in response to mindutopia). I will look for a preschool for Sophie after she turns 4 as that's what I did with Thomas.

I certainly don't feel like she is missing out, or not learning skills, by being at home. I don't feel that Thomas got much at all from his experience at preschool apart from a taste of how other kids can be bullies if you're a little different (he has mild autism).

I'm also lucky that schools in NZ are very welcoming and relaxed; Sophie and I spend about 40 minutes at school drop off in the morning and Sophie plays with the kids in Thomas's class and also joins in with 'jump jam' every morning where the entire school goes outside to dance. She also attends all the school events, last week was Ressiliance Day where they had sports, I always volunteer as a parent helper so Emma and Sophie come along. They love Sophie there as she always tries to be a big kid and she joins in with everything.

I do think she will enjoy some hours at a preschool, but don't see the rush if I'm lucky enough to be self employed and stay at home (I sell Lego).

 

[zorak]

Most kids start school at 5 in the UK, it just depends when their birthday falls.

I'm a SAHM and also a Primary Teacher (taken time out while my kids are young). I very strongly believe in the importance of pre school education and think that in most instances it does children a great disservice when it comes to school if they have missed out.

Nursery is about more than being away from you. My own son went to a playgroup where I left him two mornings a week from when he was 2. He is now 3 and starting nursery tomorrow. Playgroup is absolutely not the same thing and really shouldn't be used as a substitution. Nursery is learning through play, it's such an engaging environment and one that even as a teacher I find extremely hard to mirror at home.

We are so extremely lucky in the UK to have access to free nursery places. I've lived in the US and have seen first hand how hard it is for some parents to afford to send their kids to pre k. It's such an important issue it's now talked about in the political sphere.

In most school nurseries you don't have to use your full 15 hours, so if it made you more comfortable you could send your child for just a couple of mornings a week and slowly build up.

 

[broodymrs]

I do think there is some benefit to giving them a chance to start socialising on their own without you always being there to intervene, but if he's going to playgroup already and you don't have any concerns about opportunities for developing his social skills, like turn taking, sharing, or doing other things independently, like using the toilet, having lunch, changing clothes, all the things they need to be able to do before they start school, then that sounds fine to me. There are lots of ways to expose him to ways to learn that and social experiences with other kids. If what you're doing already is working for you, then I wouldn't feel pressured to change it.

My daughter is the same age and she does go to nursery full-time 5 days a week now (we both work full-time) and it's been amazing for her. She loves it and the friends she has there. Honestly, I don't think I personally could provide the same quality of experience for her if she was home with me (because I would be distracted by work and it would be stressful and I just wouldn't be able to enjoy our time together). But I don't think you can't create those same sorts of experiences yourself at home and at groups and classes and such if you want to. It just takes more effort on your part really, but as long as you're happy with the experience he's having now, then no reason to change that.

I'd agree with this. My little boy goes 2 days a weeks, was 3 but we cut it down when my Dh changed jobs. I do think it's really beneficial for ds but not all kids are the same. I didn't go to nursery. My mum tried it, I hated it and was a screaming wreck for 3 months so she took me out. I was lucky school let me start at 4 and a half and I loved it! So I'd just go on what your instinct tells you

 

[minties]

Thomas must have gone to a pretty crappy preschool then as I was so disappointed by his experiences there. The staff turn-over was so high and they didn't seem to teach him anything while there, it was basically a free babysitting service. Not all the preschools here do the 'free' hours though, most charge a fee on top, so it's difficult on a tight budget.

 

[zorak]

Thomas must have gone to a pretty crappy preschool then as I was so disappointed by his experiences there. The staff turn-over was so high and they didn't seem to teach him anything while there, it was basically a free babysitting service. Not all the preschools here do the 'free' hours though, most charge a fee on top, so it's difficult on a tight budget.

I'm in Scotland and unless parents use the 15 hours to part pay for a private nursery so the parents can work, most kids go to a nursery which is part of a school. These are very much a part of the school and usually overseen by the Deputy Head Teacher and led by a qualified Nursery Teacher (my qualification extends to this) with a number of nursery assistants. They follow age appropriate curriculum guidelines through structured play.

 

[catty]

I dont think its bad not going to nursery but for me id be one of them people asking why,how?!?
My son starts on friday and i honestly cannot wait! The thought of getting 3 free hours childcare a day seems like all my birthday presents have came at once. I wouldnt be asking why in a bad way more like wow i wish i had your thoughts on wanting to be with my child all the time. I have a 2 year old and im 31 weeks pregnant also so id maybe feel differently if it was just us 2.

 

[October9]

My son spends time with Me and his dad (he works shifts 3 on 4 off) and both my mum and dad separately. We do lots of activities together all the time and teach him lots of things. He can already count, is learning to spell small words and has a large vocabulary. Its just the social side/ listening to adults he doesn't know that I feel he needs to know about.

There seems to be very little information about nurseries on my council website apart from the fact I have long since missed the deadline for this September anyway.

Also I have just had a baby at the end of August and the last thing I wanted to do was ship him off to nursery/ leave him at playgroup and feel like now mummy has had a new baby I don't want him to be around.

It's stressing me out. I'm already dreading him going to school next year as it seems so soon (he will have only just turned 4 and he was 6 weeks Prem so should have been going to school in 2018). I just feel like I am expected to make all these decisions and I don't know how too. It's like being thrown into the deep end.

 

[catty]

Is there a choice of maybe putting him in January or April intake? That way he wont think it is anything to do with baby but will still give him a little time to get used to being in a classroom before a full day of school suddenly happens. Thats difficult with his age as my son wont start until he is actually 5 and i think the youngest kids here (scotland) are 4.5. Is there anyway of putting him the next year when he will have judt turned 5 or is that not an option there

 

[zorak]

My son spends time with Me and his dad (he works shifts 3 on 4 off) and both my mum and dad separately. We do lots of activities together all the time and teach him lots of things. He can already count, is learning to spell small words and has a large vocabulary. Its just the social side/ listening to adults he doesn't know that I feel he needs to know about.

There seems to be very little information about nurseries on my council website apart from the fact I have long since missed the deadline for this September anyway.

Also I have just had a baby at the end of August and the last thing I wanted to do was ship him off to nursery/ leave him at playgroup and feel like now mummy has had a new baby I don't want him to be around.

It's stressing me out. I'm already dreading him going to school next year as it seems so soon (he will have only just turned 4 and he was 6 weeks Prem so should have been going to school in 2018). I just feel like I am expected to make all these decisions and I don't know how too. It's like being thrown into the deep end.

In Scotland you can defer school entry for a year so it's worth looking into, if asked for a reason say he was Prem it's a legitimate concern. Also there are 3 nursery intakes here so worth checking that you've not completely missed this year.

I can understand you not wanting him to feel pushed out but I'd address it as part of him becoming a big boy. It's not a reason I'd have a child miss out on nursery for. preschool education lays the foundation for life long learning, really not something to be missed.

 

[zorak]

Thomas must have gone to a pretty crappy preschool then as I was so disappointed by his experiences there. The staff turn-over was so high and they didn't seem to teach him anything while there, it was basically a free babysitting service. Not all the preschools here do the 'free' hours though, most charge a fee on top, so it's difficult on a tight budget.

It's awful Thomas had such a poor experience. My nephew has dyspraxia. His nursery actually came to his Mum to highlight their concerns which tallied in with what she'd been thinking about his speech etc. They referred him to speech therapy which he got very quickly. It made a massive difference. He's now in Primary 2 and before he energy started school (the nursery was in the school) an IEP was put in place and he was assigned his own classroom assistant. He's now a very confident, happy little boy .

 

[October9]

How do I check if there are other intakes? There are 4 primary schools within 3 miles of our house. Non have good websites etc. Do I contact the schools or the council?

The council site just says for September 2017 nursery places? Putting him in in January would be better I feel. I'm not opposed to him going to a nursery at some point I more feel 100% confused.

 

[Vickie]

Neither of my kids went to nursery/preschool. I did a lot of independent from parent classes with Hannah as she really needed them but Rhys I never felt that he did so we didn't. Hannah's 8 now and does well in school and Rhys just started JK this year (aged 4) and so far he's loving it. He had a lot of socialization opportunities with neighbors kids, Hannah's friends etc.

 

[adrie]

We don't get free preschool where I am living in Western Canada. Still I found a program with a philosophy that is exactly in line with my own, and after having done some research and seeing a few different placements, it's easy to see that not all programs are created equal. I would not send my child to a place I felt was essentially glorified daycare or babysitting. I just wouldn't bother. I found a placement with a teacher who loves and is passionate about children and what she does; some places just seem like the goal=money. Valla will be there 2 days a week for 2.5 hours each session.

I agree that preschool/nursery is not necessarily 100% needed for every child, and yet I also believe the poster above who works in the field and and explained the quality of really engaging placements not easily copied elsewhere. Truth is, I cannot mimic what she will receive in preschool. The placements I looked into where I could re-create it are not the ones I would have chosen anyways.