3 year old son possibly on the autisic spectrum

[livbaybee1]

Hia all, Basically i wanted peoples opinions i guess. My 3 year old son Kai hasnt actually been diagnosed with anything official as of yet but is seeing consultants and has been statmented for his nursery place which he just started in september (one to one teacher) he had been going to a playgroup nursery since he was 2 n a half years, where before starting he was hardly saying a word but He came on so much attending the playgroup nursery mixing with others and the staff really were great and brought him on loads. He had a great bond with them all. Hes just started now at a school nursery and although of course i know its still early days im Abit upset but dont know if im just being silly? Basically one of kai's main issues are meltdowns when he doesnt get his own way or doesnt want to do something which hes had a few of since starting at his new nursery. But i feel hes being treated differently to the other kids in the class which i dont want i want him to be treated just as equal and as fair. I picked him up on thursday to be told by his teacher she had took the class into the hall as its book week and in the hall they lots of books to buy etc so the nursery teacher took the class to go and look at all the books and pick one book they would like so the teacher would write down the title of the book to hand to the parents at the end of the day as a suggestion to possibly buy the child that chosen book if they wanted etc, but as i picked my son up she explained to me about taking the class to the hall to see the books but that she didnt take Kai as 'you know what he gets like ' or something along them lines. She did offer for me to take him myself to go and look and have me the key for the hall but when we got there the caretaker had cleaned everything up and locked the book cases away , but i still didnt see the need in kai not being included in the activity with the class or am i being abit petty? The hall is right next to the classroom so even if kai did have a bit of a meltdown because he wanted a book it was hardly far to walk him back to plus kai is meant to have a one to one teacher so why couldnt she of also been there or took him? Theres only 6 kids in the class which has the main teacher. One or two assistants. Kai's one to one teacher and another little boy has a different one to one teacher also. Theres nearly a teacher per child lol. I felt abit disheartened that kai was left out of such a small activity and if hes being left out of something as little as that just going to look at some books across the classroom what else might he be left out of in the future? I feel hes abit of a burden there tbh way she talks to me etc. the way i see it as id of rathered kai have had a huge meltdown when going to see the books and for her to of stuck to her guns and said no kai etc and took him back to the class and gave him thinking time on the carpet so he knew he had done wrong sort of thing - rather than him being left behind not included i feel that way he isnt learning how to act in situations that way instead hes just being sheltered away. What do you ladies think or am i being silly? The next day then i see parents coming in with money handing it to the teacher for the choosen books for there little ones and me feeling abit annoyed. Am i being silly? How would you feel if you knew your little ones didnt get to do what the other kids were doing? He never had a issue at his old playgroup he was always included and never played up. Would go to local pet shops to see the animals and over a local garden centre over the road to buy flowers for the garden and never once was i told he had played up or he was left out. Its just this new nursery . Any advice mums? Sorry for the essay x

 

[alibaba24]

I would really be upset at this. Its just not right on so many level. There's a small chance my daughter is on the spectrum but unlikely ( has lamguage issues) Shes great now but when she was in preschool it was hard she was In a large mainstream setting with no additional support and not once did she ever get left out of anything. And she was also prone to screaming getting upset etc.so I would be having a word with them for sure

 

[Reid]

I don't understand why they didn't give him the opportunity to go with the class if he has a 1 to 1 teacher is that not why she's there to help support you're son in his nursery environment. We had a terrible time with the 1st nursery my son went to he to has possible asd and he sounds a bit like your boy with the meltdowns back then anyway my son was only in for 2 hour session 3 times a week and the nursery couldn't even manage that It got to the point I was phoned every session to get him early then the final straw was when they phoned me after 10 minutes I had just got through the front door after dropping him off they said he was throwing chairs about (which didn't sound like something he'd do) so I went back up they didn't see me coming so I stood at the door looking in the wee window to see for myself what was going on I. He was walking past the chairs and pulling them back so they'd fall over big difference from there wording throwing chairs about. That was the last time I had my child in that nursery when I went in the told me that I had to stay with him every session well no I wasn't having it and I phoned to tell the relevant people that I was pulling him out of nursery unknowingly the women I was talking with was the 1 who delta with complaints and she wasn't in the least bit impressed turns out that they weren't following the procedures. They had excluded my son from things at the nursery to asked me not to take him to the Halloween party 2 days before it so his wee costume was bought and ready for him. Luckily for us we had already been trying to get him into another nursery that specialises in speech delayed children and asd he's been there since February and the difference is unbelievable he's there 4 days 9-3 he absolutely loves it he's had his very own party they go on regular trips his speech is improving so is his behaviour and they have never phoned to say there sending him home. If there's any nursery's like this round you look into it my son's so happy there its the best thing we done for him
I know how upsetting it is when you feel you're child's being left out or that they can't be bothered with them it's heartbreaking so your not being silly at all. Good luck I hope things can improve for your little boy in the same way they did for mine I can tell you it's such a weight off you're shoulders xx

 

[PresqueVu]

You are not in a way being silly, that is completely unfair

My boy has quite a lot of issues at school, but they've never excluded him due to the fear of how he'll react (nor do we at home, although it sometimes takes a lot of strength for me to get out on my own with him!!). Apart from anything else, how on earth does a child learn to manage their emotions/behaviour better if they are never given the chance to face the things they find challenging?

It's a lazy way of reacting and not in your son's best interests. Disappointing and doesn't fufill the duty of care they have towards any child they are looking after.

Are they willing to have a proper discussion with you about it?

 

[pinkpolkadot]

That does seem unfair yes, I don't understand why they did this especially as they seem to have so many staff!

My DD is poss ASD and she has never been excluded like that. She has also started school nursery this year and her teacher is great, she has made a real effort to understand her issues and tailor her approach.

Have you had a proper sit down and chat with her about Kai's issues? DDs teacher got all the parents in for a one to one before term started and we had a good chat and discussed approaches which was really helpful to us all.

 

[Peanut78]

That's terrible, I felt sad and angry just reading it Reid, your experience is also awful

I would be really worried too if they were excluding him for such minor activities what else is he excluded from This is part of their job for goodness sake

I would for sure make and appointment to meet with the teachers

 

[LeannieB]

Hi thats awful I feel so sad for you both reading that. Is there anyone higher up you can go to about it? X

 

[kealz]

I can't believe this happened in these equal opps days!

My son is on a waiting list for asd assessment, I'm a teacher and have a degree in special needs inclusion studies. You are right to feel angry - this behaviour is discrimination. Your son was excluded from an educational activity on the grounds of his special needs. There were ways they could have managed this, like you say it's nearly 1:1 anyway. Plus it sounded like the teacher had a negative attitude with regards to your son. Don't get me started on giving you a key and telling you to take him, well, words fail me. Surely the point of the exercise was for children to share and discuss books, to share a love of reading, to inspire each other to pick up something new? Unless it was just a way to guilt parents into buying a book..? I'm sure they would say the first.

I would make an official complaint, to the head master. Even if you decide to take you child out, do it for yourself and the dignity of your child. Tell them it's discrimination, tell them your serious, and if they don't respect what you're saying then tell them you will be contacting Ofsted.

You are not being petty or silly. Our children need us to fight for them, to stand up for their rights and to be treated as equals.

I feel so cross for you! Hope you get what you need. x