31 weeks preg, relationship over, how do i cope?

[keepontrying]

Im devastated, my relationship has broken down and our baby is due in 9 weeks. Im a wreck right now and dont know how to cope.... I know i will because my boy needs a strong mummy but im so afraid!

This is going to be the start of a long battle...he offerred me no support througout pregnancy when i needed him most , I dont want him in the labour room, i dont want to farm my baby out every weekend to his family whom have always hated me and been hellbent on splitting us up. I have lost 5 babies before my little soldier who has made it so far! I told the G/parents not to expect overnight baby sitting jobs especially in the first 6 months because i will be over protective but i know that now they will have limited access they will want exactly that and i cant bear the thought of my baby being away from me,im breastfeeding so its also not a practical option.
Im scared of the lonliness, isolation, pressure..... i didnt want to do it like this. seperate christmas and birthdays, two lives, two families, two boundaries, two routines.... I have very strong beliefs around childcare, thinsg that I knedw i would clash with my MIL over even when me and my ex were together - she will fill him full of sugar and sweets, allow him to do everything he wants and spoil him with material gifts....

please give me some advice on how i can get through this...

 

[Dezireey]

I am so sorry you are going through this sweetheart, it is such a heartbreaking thing and I understand how it feels. One of the worst things in life I think and so many people (especially FOB's) can't begin to comprehend the emotional pain and hurt we go through facing being a single mum when that is not what we want for our child. It is bad enough being pregnant, vulnerable and emotional in a stable relationship with supportive people around you, but when you break up with FOB or he just leaves, it's horrible.

Well it won't seem like it now but things will get better for you eventually, they will. Firstly, you will be full of love for your LO as he is obviously wanted very much by his mummy and this will occupy most of your thoughts and keep you strong. Secondly, YOU are his mum, no-one else and what you say goes when he is newborn, don't let FOB or any family member force you into any decisions in the beginning that benefit them. You must explain to them that you will need a lot of time to adjust to the break up, the birth and bringing up your newborn. They can just wait until you are ready.

In a situation like this, all you can do is just give yourself time. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but try not to dwell too much on things like 'seperate xmases' etc as this will just make you more upset. Just deal with the here and now and focus on the birth, all the preparations and your LO. Try to just let the excitement of your baby arriving very soon, take over and overshadow these negative feelings

 

[Laura2919]

I'm sorry your having a tough time. When the baby is first born try wouldn't get overnight contact or separate contact all together! They will have supervised visits, everybody knows a baby is better off with its mum for the first few months but after that you don't have to have overnight even if they still had supervised visits. I wouldn't want to do it so I understand how you are feeling.

Being on your own is daunting and scary at first, it's something new and nobody likes to do things when they don't know the outcome! You'll be fine. It's always scary at first then once you've been doing it for a few months you'll see it's the best choice for you. I was terrified what the future held but you just get there and do what needs to be done.

As for her filling him with sweets and sugar you have a long time to go til then and I personally don't think it's too bad that nanny and grandad spoil their grandchildren just hopefully she understands that it's not what you want.

Hopefully you will come to agreements over the baby before it gets bad

 

[Kita]

I just wanna say I am right there with you. 32 weeks and just got left. Although he fully intends to be at the birth and a big part of Josiahs life, the breakup came as a complete shock to me because up until then we had done so well and were a picture perfect couple (you should see everyones reactions to our new relationship status on FB!).. This was never what I wanted for my baby or for.myself. I stuck by the man for nearly 4 years through thick and thin and we had suffered some tough financial blows recently. But now that the light at the end of the tunnel has come and he can climb out of the debt he was in, I got left. Ive moved back with my family, have almost no money because he always provided and I intended to leave my job soon in preparation for the baby.

It is very tough emotionally.

If you wanna chat feel free to pm me.

 

[george83]

me and my husband went through a really bad time when i was pregnant, he used to just leave me for weeks at a time and i hated it. I turned into such a freak, crying all the time and i used to find any excuse to not be at home becuase i couldn't handle being there alone. i used to just literally go crazy at nights thinking through the worst situations. and then to be honest they all came true, he refused to come home when i told him i was having the baby and he left me to give birth with my mum and 2 sisters, i was so heart broken and then he carried on leaving me even when our baby was 10 days old he refused to come home. my baby is now 7 months old and i've literally just packed up his stuff to move my husband out.

it is so hard when your pregnant i felt like i had to pretend that i was happy when really i felt like i was dying. i just wanted to be part of that happy family image that gets thrown down your throat all the time. but when the baby gets here you'll be amazed at how strong you are. i'll still still and cry when my baby is asleep and the amount of times i've literally cried myself to sleep is ridiculous but you'll be amazing when it comes to looking after your baby. You just need to think about the positives, it will be you that the baby feels safe and secure with and it will be you who will be able to able the baby down when it's upset not some stranger who pops in and out whenever they feel like it. you'll be the one who gets to bond with the baby and if it comes to fighting for access you'll be the one who has been there through all of it, i can't imagine not being with my baby for christmas or birthdays but when your baby is all grown up they'll know everything you've done for them and nothing will ever replace that