35 and waiting

[2012istheyear]

Hi there,

I am BRAND new to all of this and really need some advice.

I got married last year and we agreed that for various reasons we would wait until we were married a year before we started really trying to conceive. That's not til July.

I am ok with that but I find myself thinking about trying to conceive all the time wheras my husband seems to not think about it at all. I've never tried to conceive before and I am worried about how long it will take, what we need to do for best chances etc but my husband just thinks it'll all happen naturally and says that there wouldn't be so many teenage pregnancies if we had to plan getting pregnant. He says ttc is unromantic and that a baby should come out of us just being relaxed and happy in our relationship. That's all very well but I am 35 and really scared we're going to miss the boat. He seems to think we have all the time in the world.

Am I the only one in this position. He says I'm acting crazy about it but isn't it natural to think about all of this?

Thanks for reading

J

 

[Nina12]

Welcome to B&bump. I am fairly new here too but not in my 30s like you (smile)
I think you have 2 things here, you want to know if you can get pregnant and also delay it to a later date with your family planning.

I would suggest have some tests done,(hormones etc) to ease your fear and make sure everything is fine. I wish I had that test and frozen my eggs too at your age,but I am not even sure what my issue might be. I tried two cycles so far with no sucess so I am still optimistic, trying to stay positive and eat healthy,excercise. I then plan to go see a doc if it doesn't happen soon, TIME IS OF essence for me

You still have time on your hand and the 1st thing you need to do is stop worrying.

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hi there,

I am BRAND new to all of this and really need some advice.

I got married last year and we agreed that for various reasons we would wait until we were married a year before we started really trying to conceive. That's not til July.

I am ok with that but I find myself thinking about trying to conceive all the time wheras my husband seems to not think about it at all. I've never tried to conceive before and I am worried about how long it will take, what we need to do for best chances etc but my husband just thinks it'll all happen naturally and says that there wouldn't be so many teenage pregnancies if we had to plan getting pregnant. He says ttc is unromantic and that a baby should come out of us just being relaxed and happy in our relationship. That's all very well but I am 35 and really scared we're going to miss the boat. He seems to think we have all the time in the world.

Am I the only one in this position. He says I'm acting crazy about it but isn't it natural to think about all of this?

Thanks for reading

J

Hi 2012! Welcome to BnB, and congratulations on your recent marriage!

I would second everything Nina said. To put your mind at ease, go to your dr now and ask for some basic hormone tests (specifically FSH and/or AMH) and ask his/her advice on waiting. Chances are you're perfectly fine and waiting until July is no problem. If your hormone tests show otherwise, your dr can explain everything to you (but to reiterate my previous statement, chances are your hormones are fine!).

The other thing I would do is start tracking your cycles now (if you aren't already). The number one thing you'll need to know when you do start ttc is if you ovulate on your own, and when you ovulate. If you start tracking your cycles now, come July you'll have 6 months of data already under your belt to help you determine those things. Keep a calendar of when your period starts (cycle day 1) and how long the flow lasts. CD 1 is the first day you have full flow, the first day you need a pad/tampon. If you have spotting before that first day of full flow, make note of it but don't count it as CD 1. If your cycles are regular, roughly the same number of days between CD1 and the next CD1, chances are you're ovulating on your own and regularly. Ovulation typically occurs 14 days before CD1 (though not it all women - see the next paragraph)... if your cycles are regular, you can begin to predict CD1 and then count backwards two weeks... make sure you have sex every other day during that week, and odds are you'll be fine. I got pregnant twice using just that method, both in the first month or two of trying. (I lost both of those babies but for completely unrelated reasons, so don't let that scare you.)

If your cycles aren't regular, or if you want more data than that, start using ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) now. Follow the instructions on the box, but basically it involves peeing on a stick daily until you get a positive. OPKs will detect your luteinizing hormone (LH) surge, and that LH surge is what triggers ovulation - most (again, not all) women will ovulate within 12-48 hours after the first positive OPK. Keep track of your positive OPKs on your calendar where you track your cycles, and that will give you a fairly complete picture of how your body is working. (When you do start ttc, you'll want to time your sex so that you have sex on the day of your first positive OPK and again two days later, at the bare minimum. Ideally you'll want to have sex every other day for a few days before your positive OPK, but you can't know when to expect your positive OPK unless you start tracking it now.)

The general rule of thumb is, if you aren't pregnant within 6 months of well-timed sex, or if your cycles are irregular or you don't ovulate regularly, go see your OB or find an RE (reproductive endocrinologist/fertility specialist) for a work-up and for your husband to do an SA (semen analysis). For women under 35, testing isn't recommended until after they've been trying for a year. You should expect that it might take you longer to get pregnant than one of those teens, but the reason it's recommended we seek testing after six months instead of a year is that IF (and that's a BIG if) there is something wrong, there is less time to fix it. (The reason that's a BIG if is that it is very very likely that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! )

If you do need testing after 6 months of ttc, the first thing your dr will want to know is if your cycles are regular, how long the flow lasts, how long your cycles are, and if you ovulate regularly. If you start tracking all that now, after 6 months of waiting and then 6 months of trying, you'll have 12 months of data ready to hand over to him and you'll be way ahead of the game.

My other bit of advice is don't let the ladies on BnB scare you. You'll see a lot of women on here like me, with losses and/or infertility, and what you have to remember is that the members on here are NOT a random sampling of the population. Despite what you hear about fertility at 35, the very vast majority of ladies our age get pregnant with no trouble and carry to term with no trouble. The reason you'll see lots of ladies on here with losses and/or infertility is because we all went seeking support for our conditions and we congregated together here. The BnB membership is NOT a random cross-section of women trying to get pregnant. Most people get pregnant and carry to term with no trouble and so they never seek out help or support, so you tend to see fewer of them on here. So don't let us medical freaks of nature scare you!

There's a thread in this section for women over 35 ttc their first child, so lots of women in the same boat as you. You might want to check it out - it's a good bunch of women.

Good luck!

 

[vermeil]

wow HappyAuntie I stand (errr sit) here in awe - what a thorough, thoughtful, complete reply! It covers all of the basics and then some. Huge thanks for your taking the time to write this out!

Hi there,

I am BRAND new to all of this and really need some advice.

I got married last year and we agreed that for various reasons we would wait until we were married a year before we started really trying to conceive. That's not til July.

I am ok with that but I find myself thinking about trying to conceive all the time wheras my husband seems to not think about it at all. I've never tried to conceive before and I am worried about how long it will take, what we need to do for best chances etc but my husband just thinks it'll all happen naturally and says that there wouldn't be so many teenage pregnancies if we had to plan getting pregnant. He says ttc is unromantic and that a baby should come out of us just being relaxed and happy in our relationship. That's all very well but I am 35 and really scared we're going to miss the boat. He seems to think we have all the time in the world.

Am I the only one in this position. He says I'm acting crazy about it but isn't it natural to think about all of this?

Thanks for reading

J

Hi 2012! Welcome to BnB, and congratulations on your recent marriage!

I would second everything Nina said. To put your mind at ease, go to your dr now and ask for some basic hormone tests (specifically FSH and/or AMH) and ask his/her advice on waiting. Chances are you're perfectly fine and waiting until July is no problem. If your hormone tests show otherwise, your dr can explain everything to you (but to reiterate my previous statement, chances are your hormones are fine!).

The other thing I would do is start tracking your cycles now (if you aren't already). The number one thing you'll need to know when you do start ttc is if you ovulate on your own, and when you ovulate. If you start tracking your cycles now, come July you'll have 6 months of data already under your belt to help you determine those things. Keep a calendar of when your period starts (cycle day 1) and how long the flow lasts. CD 1 is the first day you have full flow, the first day you need a pad/tampon. If you have spotting before that first day of full flow, make note of it but don't count it as CD 1. If your cycles are regular, roughly the same number of days between CD1 and the next CD1, chances are you're ovulating on your own and regularly. Ovulation typically occurs 14 days before CD1 (though not it all women - see the next paragraph)... if your cycles are regular, you can begin to predict CD1 and then count backwards two weeks... make sure you have sex every other day during that week, and odds are you'll be fine. I got pregnant twice using just that method, both in the first month or two of trying. (I lost both of those babies but for completely unrelated reasons, so don't let that scare you.)

If your cycles aren't regular, or if you want more data than that, start using ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) now. Follow the instructions on the box, but basically it involves peeing on a stick daily until you get a positive. OPKs will detect your luteinizing hormone (LH) surge, and that LH surge is what triggers ovulation - most (again, not all) women will ovulate within 12-48 hours after the first positive OPK. Keep track of your positive OPKs on your calendar where you track your cycles, and that will give you a fairly complete picture of how your body is working. (When you do start ttc, you'll want to time your sex so that you have sex on the day of your first positive OPK and again two days later, at the bare minimum. Ideally you'll want to have sex every other day for a few days before your positive OPK, but you can't know when to expect your positive OPK unless you start tracking it now.)

The general rule of thumb is, if you aren't pregnant within 6 months of well-timed sex, or if your cycles are irregular or you don't ovulate regularly, go see your OB or find an RE (reproductive endocrinologist/fertility specialist) for a work-up and for your husband to do an SA (semen analysis). For women under 35, testing isn't recommended until after they've been trying for a year. You should expect that it might take you longer to get pregnant than one of those teens, but the reason it's recommended we seek testing after six months instead of a year is that IF (and that's a BIG if) there is something wrong, there is less time to fix it. (The reason that's a BIG if is that it is very very likely that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! )

If you do need testing after 6 months of ttc, the first thing your dr will want to know is if your cycles are regular, how long the flow lasts, how long your cycles are, and if you ovulate regularly. If you start tracking all that now, after 6 months of waiting and then 6 months of trying, you'll have 12 months of data ready to hand over to him and you'll be way ahead of the game.

My other bit of advice is don't let the ladies on BnB scare you. You'll see a lot of women on here like me, with losses and/or infertility, and what you have to remember is that the members on here are NOT a random sampling of the population. Despite what you hear about fertility at 35, the very vast majority of ladies our age get pregnant with no trouble and carry to term with no trouble. The reason you'll see lots of ladies on here with losses and/or infertility is because we all went seeking support for our conditions and we congregated together here. The BnB membership is NOT a random cross-section of women trying to get pregnant. Most people get pregnant and carry to term with no trouble and so they never seek out help or support, so you tend to see fewer of them on here. So don't let us medical freaks of nature scare you!

There's a thread in this section for women over 35 ttc their first child, so lots of women in the same boat as you. You might want to check it out - it's a good bunch of women.

Good luck!

 

[StangGirl]

I agree. Thank you Auntie for this reply. I am 35 years old with a long history of endometriosis. After 14 years of marriage my husband is finally ready to have a baby, but I'm terrified that it may be too late for me given my history. The whole process is overwhelming, and you just simplified it in a way that's not too much to take in. I really appreciate it.

I do have another question... do you know of any supplements other than a prenatal vitamin that I should be taking that might help?

Thank you again. So glad to be here!

 

[HappyAuntie]

I agree. Thank you Auntie for this reply. I am 35 years old with a long history of endometriosis. After 14 years of marriage my husband is finally ready to have a baby, but I'm terrified that it may be too late for me given my history. The whole process is overwhelming, and you just simplified it in a way that's not too much to take in. I really appreciate it.

I do have another question... do you know of any supplements other than a prenatal vitamin that I should be taking that might help?

Thank you again. So glad to be here!

Nope, just make sure your prenatal contains at least 1mg folic acid. You'll see LOTS of people on BnB taking all sorts of supplements and herbs, but the fact is that none of them are scientifically proven to help, there's just anecdotal evidence. There's probably no harm in taking any of them, but it's best to check with your dr or pharmacist first - tell him/her everything you're taking (prescription and OTC) to make sure there are no harmful drug interactions.

 

[Seity]

Your story is much like mine. I got married just before I turned 35 and we decided to wait a year and have some 'us' time before ttc. I stayed on BC until 1 month before we wanted to start ttc, then tracked my cycles and took prenatals. We avoided the first month off the pill and then tried to time things right. On the 3rd month trying, we finally managed to have sex within the 2-3 day before OV window (we kept being too early the previous months) and sure enough BFP first time getting the timing right. I got that BFP the same month I turned 36.
I keep myself in good health, so I was never concerned about fertility.

 

[marie44]

Hi there,

I am BRAND new to all of this and really need some advice.

I got married last year and we agreed that for various reasons we would wait until we were married a year before we started really trying to conceive. That's not til July.

I am ok with that but I find myself thinking about trying to conceive all the time wheras my husband seems to not think about it at all. I've never tried to conceive before and I am worried about how long it will take, what we need to do for best chances etc but my husband just thinks it'll all happen naturally and says that there wouldn't be so many teenage pregnancies if we had to plan getting pregnant. He says ttc is unromantic and that a baby should come out of us just being relaxed and happy in our relationship. That's all very well but I am 35 and really scared we're going to miss the boat. He seems to think we have all the time in the world.

Am I the only one in this position. He says I'm acting crazy about it but isn't it natural to think about all of this?

Thanks for reading

J

J,
I'm 35 & new here too. I think everything will be fine with you but the worrying is natural. (I think the statistics are 90% of women get pregnant within a year of trying).
I have no fertility issues but I should have realized being with an older man (45) he might have issues. We've been together 8 years and have been married for 3-1/2. He wanted to start TTC right away, before we were even engaged but I was the practical one and wanted to wait a year after marriage and I do regret it somewhat. Everything happens for a reason though so maybe it was not our time. I will say all of the married couples I know use the 1 year rule and I don't know why it exists unless you are in your 20's and have all of the time in the world. I agree with everyone about testing to ease your mind. Good luck! July is not that far away.

 

[Eleonora]

It look like HappyAuntie covered the topic very well! I just wanted to add that I had been on the pill for so long I had lost tract of what my natural cycles were like. When I went off the pill, it took more than 2 years for my regular cycles to stabilize. You didn't mention what kind of birth control you are using but maybe do avoid hormonal methods in the lead up to TTC just to make sure your cycles are as regular as possible and definitely start charting and figuring out your ovulation. I sympathize with your problem of having a husband who thinks TTC is not romantic. Fortunately, most husbands are keen enough on having sex of any kind that they will cooperate with extra duties around ovulation time. Good luck and just think how young 35 sounds to those of us a few years older!

 

[smurfy]

Your story is much like mine. I got married just before I turned 35 and we decided to wait a year and have some 'us' time before ttc. I stayed on BC until 1 month before we wanted to start ttc, then tracked my cycles and took prenatals. We avoided the first month off the pill and then tried to time things right. On the 3rd month trying, we finally managed to have sex within the 2-3 day before OV window (we kept being too early the previous months) and sure enough BFP first time getting the timing right. I got that BFP the same month I turned 36.
I keep myself in good health, so I was never concerned about fertility.

Yes i think I keep timing things wrong and might be a bit too early. can I ask how long your cycles were mine are about 32-34 days, also did you only DTD 2-3 days before OV? or did you also continuing DTD after?

Thanks for your help, its good to see what has worked for other people

 

[Seity]

Your story is much like mine. I got married just before I turned 35 and we decided to wait a year and have some 'us' time before ttc. I stayed on BC until 1 month before we wanted to start ttc, then tracked my cycles and took prenatals. We avoided the first month off the pill and then tried to time things right. On the 3rd month trying, we finally managed to have sex within the 2-3 day before OV window (we kept being too early the previous months) and sure enough BFP first time getting the timing right. I got that BFP the same month I turned 36.
I keep myself in good health, so I was never concerned about fertility.

Yes i think I keep timing things wrong and might be a bit too early. can I ask how long your cycles were mine are about 32-34 days, also did you only DTD 2-3 days before OV? or did you also continuing DTD after?

Thanks for your help, its good to see what has worked for other people

At the time, my cycles were 32-36 days long. We only DTD once a month because my OH has issues and more often wasn't an option for him. So, I charted to predict when I was OV and the first couple cycles I guessed too early. I didn't OV until around CD 23. I used opks and temping to learn what was normal for me.

 

[Wannagetpreg]

Hi, I have just joined forum today myself! I am age 38 & only starting to TTC. My husband isnt as keen as I am but he is happy to supply some sperm!! My GP told me that every couple of years during your 30s your fertility takes a drop so I have armed myself with Pregnacare conception & clearblue ovulation sticks (all of which seem to get great reviews). I know what your husband means about TTC not being very romantic but unfortunately in our 30s our female bodies do change & we need to accept that & get to work! x