35 trying to conceive first child

[ramibear]

My 37 year old husband and I have been trying for a year now since we got married and every month has been a BFN. Everyone said to give it time, but it took my mother 14 years to conceive me, the one and only child. I did get a positive one day, but the next day it was negative again.
I finally went to the doctor after 9 months and begged for him to do testing. He was hesitant, but I told him I wanted to check because I felt something was wrong and was concerned about my family history. DH had a SA that was great so there wasn't a problem there, but my HSG showed a blocked tube, probable fibroids, and an arcuate shaped uterus. I then had an ultrasound that confirmed one intramuscular fibroid on the fundus with thickened endometrium. Two days ago I had a hysteroscopy where my doctor found 2 large polyps that had filled my uterus. He removed both polyps in the same procedure.
I am truly hoping that this is what blocked the filling of my tube and that we will soon see a BFP when we are allowed to try again. Every month we get a negative, it feels like a failure on my part. DH has been so supportive, but I hide the worst of my turmoil because my god given right to bear children seems to be beyond our reach.
It's especially hard when people are getting pregnant all around me at work and they didn't want children or they get their desire the first time trying, but aren't happy because they wanted more time. They just don't understand the struggle and self doubt.

 

[Mdc]

Ramibear, I am sorry that you are having to see so many BFNs, and I will agree it can also be so soul crushing every month. Most importantly you are NOT a failure. I understand how it feels (trust me), but you are doing all that you can to make it happen and it will...sometimes it requires so much more patience. I am glad you advocated and got the polyps removed and it sounds like those would have definitely hindered your chances. Waiting after a procedure is really difficult, but I hope it goes quickly for you.

I think many of use can relate to how you feel, and I have found this site and these amazing ladies to be a savior for me. The thing is we all 'get' it...the crazy POAS madness, the waiting, the frustration, the analysis we all do during the TWW. Just not the same for others that just happen to look at sperm and get pregnant. I wish you the best of luck! There are lots of threads on here and they are all inviting and full of a wealth of knowledge.

 

[Vonn]

Ramibear--I ditto everything MDC said. We are all on here for the exact reason you have come to this site & the support and knowledge I've gotten from my bnb gals has helped me keep my sanity. It's still hard, but it is always nice to not feel alone in the frustration and sadness. I'm a little concerned that your dr did not want to give assistance after 9 months of trying as you are over 35. 6 months should be the norm. Make sure you find a dr who is willing to be as aggressive as you want. Great news that you have cleared out the uterus of all invaders, hopefully it's now ready for a embie to implant! Here's hoping that's all the assistance you need!

 

[ramibear]

Had my follow-up today and my Dr. tells me that there was no way I was going to get pregnant previously because the 2 polyps had completely filled my uterus. Now I am scheduled to start metformin 750xl once daily, 50mg clomid (days 1-5) and 200mg progesterone (after day 15) in January once I begin my menses. I don't have PCOS, but my Dr. says this should help to increase our chances. He wants to get my cycle down to 28 days from my normal 35 and I was told the progesterone helps maintain an early pregnancy.

Here's hoping that 2016 is our year and may there be loads of baby dust for everyone!

 

[Mdc]

Best of luck!

 

[jadzia36]

I'm glad your Dr has stepped it up and is taking your concerns seriously. Good luck!

 

[highhopes2013]

My heart goes out to you. I was in a similar position a few years ago. The anguish every month is soul destroying and although I now have twins and my days are filled with joy, I do have scars from those years (and the three rounds of IVF I had to undergo). Best of luck xxx

 

[teaandme]

Oh I really understand how you feel Ramibear. I'm almost 37, have been trying to conceive for 10 months and have had 1 miscarriage. It's so frustrating to see other people around me getting pregnant either accidentally or very quickly and those that have more than one child, I just think, "why do they get two when I don't even have one". I work in a female dominated profession so it's front and center every day and makes me feel sad and like a failure too. I have an appointment next month to get some testing done and I am scared in some ways, fearing that I will find out there is something "wrong" with me.

Thanks for posting, it made me feel less alone. I wish you the best of luck Ramibear!

 

[highhopes2013]

Try not to worry about the tests teandme. I've had many tests in the past and looking back it set me on the path to my twins so it was all worth it. Try to stay positive x