38 and new to TTC - overwhelmed

[patooti]

Hi all,
I'm new here and brand new to TTC. DH and I have been married for 15 years but life circumstances and a nearly complete phd for me later and finally the baby clock has started to tick. I'm not sure what we were thinking, but that's just how it played out.

I have regular cycles but I think they have gotten slightly shorter in the last year and I'm really really hoping this is not a sign that early menopause is on it's way for me but I get scared.

Besides trying to get stress under control (hard when you are trying to finish a PhD) I wonder what else I should be doing. I'm taking standard women's vitamins (with 500ug of folic acid) and trying to lose weight (BMI is a little bit over 30 right now). I just got a BBT thermometer and plan to start charting temps tomorrow morning and started trying to pay attention to my cycle and my mucus at the beginning of my last cycle.

I've seen some threads mentioning CoQ10 and Omega3 etc. so I'm wondering if there are other things that might help. Herbs, tea, anything...

Also, even I find it a bit weird that I would wait this long and then when I decided I needed to try it got really intense. Is that weird? I guess I'm just scared I messed up by waiting and I don't want to find out I'm right.

I'm sure once I get more used to this TTC I'll settle in

Nice to meet you all.

 

[readyformore]

I'm sorry, but your post made me laugh.
Not in a bad way, but I can reassure you that it is perfectly normal to suddenly be 'intense' about ttc.

I've found that it comes with the territory. That need and desire to have a baby becomes overwhelming and I tend to get hyperfocused. So, you don't sound weird to me. You sound very, very normal.

Seems like you have a great plan. If you are worried about early menopause, you can ask your ob/gyn to do bloodwork on cd3. It can help to ease your mind.

Good luck.

 

[Watson101]

Welcome Patooti - I share your feeling of being scared of having left things too late! I am also 38, have been with my husband for 18 years and know that were it not for me being busy with other things he would have started for kids straight away so have to deal with anxiety about it being too late now together with guilt for possibly letting him down by insisting we wait grrrr...

It sounds like you are starting to do all of the right things, diet, temp charting, vitamins etc. I also cut alcohol, caffeine and soda (I do have an occasional glass of vino tho to help deal with the stress!)

Wishing you lots of babydust and luck. XX

 

[peacebaby]

Welcome!

Hope all is going well with the PHD.

Don't worry too much about being 38, many of us on BnB are 35+.

Take a look at the TTC 35+ forum and I'm sure you'll find lots of helpful advice re: supplements that can't hurt but only help.

I also find that reading the TTC journal's of those ladies who have just gotten a BFP helps to see what they were taking. One that really helped me with a list of supplements etc was the journal of cypress.

One basic piece of advice that I can offer is remember to keep yourself hydrated by drinking enough water daily. Sounds silly but i've read that basically the reproductive organs need to be well hydrated to function properly.

with that said...i'm off to drink my next glass of H2O !

good luck and stay positive !

 

[Sus09]

Welcome Patooti!

Hope your stay here is short and you get your BFP soon

 

[StarSign]

Def 2nd the CoQ10. Iffy on Omega-3. And I also 2nd Peacebaby's water tip (helps in mucus dept, too), but add lemons as that will help with bloating issues too..since you're reducing BMI. Hope you don't have to TTC for too long...

*SS*

 

[patooti]

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

It is very nice to hear that I'm not alone.

Hugs Watson101 it sounds like we are in a very very similar place with regards to at least a few of the emotions involved. It's hope complicated isn't it... this life thing

Water... good point actually I'd read that somewhere and since I tend to be chronically dehydrated so for the last few days I really have been focusing on that.

Took my temp for the first time this morning. I decided to temp vaginally which is a bit weird and inconvenient while half awake but I breathe through my mouth a lot so I worry about oral not being very accurate. I'm currently on CD20 and we dtd on day 15, no idea when or if I O'd but thought I would start to try to get used to temping anyhow.

Hubby and I don't actually dtd very often usually. We have a great marriage just I think the last few years, PhD stress has taken a toll on that aspect of things so it feels a bit weird to be sort of upping it for "a purpose" but he really wants a baby too (maybe more than me even but I think the strong obsession and sense of time urgency isn't there for him - over the last 5 years we've talked about it but always he was, we can wait, finally I said, NO sir, my body cannot wait )

While surfing I found another online board for ttc where a lot of women linked to their cycle charts. I can't find it again. Does anyone either know what that site is or is there a place on BnB where I'll see that. I love that this is an active community but it is pretty overwhleming because there is so much on here.

Thanks again for saying hi!!!

 

[Sunshine12]

Please dont worry. Im 38 (almost 39) and never felt it was quite the right time to have family until now. Ive noticed over the last few months that my period is getting shorter and shorter and lighter so I was starting to really panic. So about 4 weeks ago we decided to start trying. I bought ovulation tests from the internet and the first day that I ovulated we BD'd once that night. That was the only time. I found out last Monday that Im pregnant. I always thought it would take absolutely ages and started worrying that Id left it too late. Dont get stressed out over it. Im sure that remaining chilled about it helps and not getting obsessed with it makes a difference. Wishing you all the luck in the world! x

p.s Agnus Castus is supposed to increase your chances. Get it in health food shops/Holland & Barrett etc.

 

[FuzzyCaz]

While surfing I found another online board for ttc where a lot of women linked to their cycle charts. I can't find it again. Does anyone either know what that site is or is there a place on BnB where I'll see that. I love that this is an active community but it is pretty overwhleming because there is so much on here.

Is it possible the charting site was Fertility Friend?

Click on the bottom ticker in my sig and see if that site looks familiar?

 

[sarahincanada]

hi and welcome! you are not alone!! I just turned 39 (last week!) and having been seriously trying for a year now. Before that we just werent ready....hubby is only 29 so I wanted to make sure he was ready plus we are career people and recently opened a business. I also never really had that massive 'urge' to have a baby.....I always thought we would have them but it wasnt a crazy urge. Even now I dont have that overwhelming urge like some women, but I definitely feel more intense about it since TTCing. Its very frustrating to be doing everything right but not getting results....Im used to working at something and getting the results I want. I hope your TTC stage is short, but be prepared that it might take a year or more to get your bfp and thats completely normal.

As for supplements etc I am taking a good prenatal and I just added Vitamin D (Im deficient) and CoQ10 after reading the article on here. Thats it, Im nervous to try too much as I dont want it to mess up my cycles.

You didnt mention them, but I recommend using the ovulation predictor strips (I liked the digital smiley face ones so theres no guessing). These can tell you when you are about to ovulate so you can . Then if you are temping your temp should raise to indicate you have ovulated. I did start temping but I have stopped it as I found it was too stressful and want to take a more relaxed approach.

good luck

 

[Indigo77]

I started TTC at 38, too. Shit happens...

 

[patooti]

Is it possible the charting site was Fertility Friend?

Click on the bottom ticker in my sig and see if that site looks familiar?

I think that is the one didn't realize the tickers here linked to it, the other board was like BnB but they all seemed to have separate linked to the FF trackers. Cool Now I know I can click on the tickers.

 

[patooti]

Please dont worry. Im 38 (almost 39) and never felt it was quite the right time to have family until now. Ive noticed over the last few months that my period is getting shorter and shorter and lighter so I was starting to really panic. So about 4 weeks ago we decided to start trying. ...

I am not too impatient for it to happen right away just like that but it IS nice to see encouraging stories of that side of things, thank you.

 

[Goolia]

Just wanted to add my two cents to this thread, because I can relate to a lot of what everyone has written here. I am 38 as well and my S.O. have been together for 18 years. For a variety of complex reasons, it was never right for us to TTC before now.

I started BBT charting in May just to get a sense of my cycles (because I honestly never paid much attention to my cycles before now!) and to see if I was ovulating. Luckily, it turned out I was ovulating and my cycles are still fairly regular.

We started trying in earnest in August, just using my temps and charting my cm as a guide. Oddly, I had a bit of a "weird" period at the end of that month/beginning of September. About 3-4 days of spotting and early cramping before AF showed up (unusual for me) so who knows what happened there.

I decided to "take it to the next level" for September - bought a Clearblue ovulation predictor kit and Preseed, and we BD'd at the opportune times.

At 12dpo I decided to test because I was oddly lacking my usual PMS symptoms - I wasn't experiencing the emotional roller-coaster I usually do right before AF shows up. And got my BFP!

Naturally, I have taken a number of tests since then - all positive so far ;-). No doctor's appointment for a few weeks (I am in Canada, so things move a bit more slowly than in the US, I think).

I was stressed about getting preggo because of my age (I still think it was a bit of a lucky shot, so to speak) and now of course I am stressing about miscarrying due to my age (I am a bit of a stress-case at the best of times!).

Anyway, just wanted to add my story and let everyone know that the OPK and the preseed seemed to work for me and my S.O.

 

[SWLondonMum]

hi and welcome! you are not alone!! I just turned 39 (last week!) and having been seriously trying for a year now. Before that we just werent ready....hubby is only 29 so I wanted to make sure he was ready plus we are career people and recently opened a business. I also never really had that massive 'urge' to have a baby.....I always thought we would have them but it wasnt a crazy urge. Even now I dont have that overwhelming urge like some women, but I definitely feel more intense about it since TTCing. Its very frustrating to be doing everything right but not getting results....Im used to working at something and getting the results I want. I hope your TTC stage is short, but be prepared that it might take a year or more to get your bfp and thats completely normal.

As for supplements etc I am taking a good prenatal and I just added Vitamin D (Im deficient) and CoQ10 after reading the article on here. Thats it, Im nervous to try too much as I dont want it to mess up my cycles.

You didnt mention them, but I recommend using the ovulation predictor strips (I liked the digital smiley face ones so theres no guessing). These can tell you when you are about to ovulate so you can . Then if you are temping your temp should raise to indicate you have ovulated. I did start temping but I have stopped it as I found it was too stressful and want to take a more relaxed approach.

good luck

Hi Sarah
Just wanted to say hi as my hubby is 11 years younger than me - I'm 38 and he's 27. Nice to meet you as it's quite rare to have a similar gap (apart from Demi and Ashton and look at them ) We met about 6 years ago and have a DS1 who is 3. We also have a business together though we are selling it as it has been stressful (partly because #1 came just after we started the business - which is why we've waited to TTC #2 - of course #1 came along quickly and #2 has taken a while!) though we may start another business together in future. DH is from SE Asia and we are thinking of moving back - other than the fact that we want to try living there instead of the UK, I think (as a younger guy) he would be happier being in a stronger position regarding business/income etc as he is limited in what he does here. Fine by me - I will hopefully be pregnant soon so don't have a problem with that -and I have had various careers before our business where he is relatively early in his working life and has different motivations.
Anyway sorry for going off topic a bit but just wanted to say hi! Good luck with your IVF plans and

 

[SWLondonMum]

Hi all,
I'm new here and brand new to TTC. DH and I have been married for 15 years but life circumstances and a nearly complete phd for me later and finally the baby clock has started to tick. I'm not sure what we were thinking, but that's just how it played out.

I have regular cycles but I think they have gotten slightly shorter in the last year and I'm really really hoping this is not a sign that early menopause is on it's way for me but I get scared.

Besides trying to get stress under control (hard when you are trying to finish a PhD) I wonder what else I should be doing. I'm taking standard women's vitamins (with 500ug of folic acid) and trying to lose weight (BMI is a little bit over 30 right now). I just got a BBT thermometer and plan to start charting temps tomorrow morning and started trying to pay attention to my cycle and my mucus at the beginning of my last cycle.

I've seen some threads mentioning CoQ10 and Omega3 etc. so I'm wondering if there are other things that might help. Herbs, tea, anything...

Also, even I find it a bit weird that I would wait this long and then when I decided I needed to try it got really intense. Is that weird? I guess I'm just scared I messed up by waiting and I don't want to find out I'm right.

I'm sure once I get more used to this TTC I'll settle in

Nice to meet you all.

Hi - nice to meet you and you're not alone - it's just a fact of life now that a lot of people start TTC later in life. (As Indigo77 says....shit happens!)
I think all the monitoring can be stressful so just do what is right for you - some people find temping and charting helps - others find it stresses them my out. I'm TTC a second child and now I am watching my cycles I am much more stressed than I ever was before and have that 'intense' feeling that I didn't have 6 months ago (or with #1) - it just has that effect on lots of people. I deal with it my own way - I just use OPKs and I take a HPT twice a month then that's it otherwise I'd go crazy testing all the time
At the end of the day people still conceive in their late 30s but the main thing is not to leave it as long if it's not happening. I'm not sure where you're from but here in the UK people would generally not get investigated for fertility problems until they had been TTC for about 2 years - when you're older obviously it's good to check checked out sooner - more like 6 months (also depends on if you have state or private health care). The worst that will happen is that they will tell you both your bodies are fine and you just need to try longer - then you can just sit back and enjoy the
Anyway there are lots of us here - I like the 2WW forum but this 35+ is lovely as everyone is in the same boat
Good luck and

 

[HappyAuntie]

Hi Patootie, and welcome to the crazy world of ttc! DH and I were married 10 years before we decided to try, so don't sweat your choice. For the most part, it sounds like you're doing everything you need to do. I only have three suggestions:

- you need to be getting at least 1 mg folic acid/day, ideally for three months before conception (but definitely don't feel like you have to wait 3 mos after starting one to ttc). You might need to get a prescription prenantal, or you can just go to GNC or somewhere and make up the extra.
- IMO, temping doesn't help with timing sex because it can only tell you if you've ovulated after the fact. Your most fertile days are just before ovulation, so OPKs (ovulation predictor kits, or tests) are more helpful than temps. I use the clearblue digital tests with the smiley face for a positive so I never have to guess when the line is dark enough. The day of your first positive is the day your LH surge begins, and ovulation will take place 24-48 hours later.
- The general rule of thumb for seeking help from a fertility specialist is if you're not pregnant after 6 months of well-timed sex if you're over 35 (after 1 yr for the under 35 set). It's not because there's likely to be a problem, but because if there is a problem, we 35+ have less time to address the issue at hand. So if you reach 6 months with no BFP, go see a specialist (a reproductive endocrinologist). The initial workup is really easy and nothing to be nervous about.

Women over 35 get pregnant all the time, and most of them never have a single problem. There is no reason at all to suspect you will, either! There's a great thread on here for women over 35 ttc #1 - you might want to check it out: TTC 1st child 35+

Good luck!

 

[StarSign]

..The day of your first positive is the day your LH surge begins, and ovulation will take place 24-48 hours later.
- The general rule of thumb for seeking help from a fertility specialist is....

Hi Ladies-

OPK's can def tell the start of fertile period (great recoo on the CB monitor), but ovulation doesn't always happen 24-48 hours later. Best is to use the BBTs to see a temperature drop (likely day of Ov) and the next day the elevated temp (Ov finished). Then after 3 days of elevated temps, and you know for sure.

You can see in my charts, I've had many cycles where I still had + OPKs and my temps already showed I ovulated or where I surged for 3-4 days before I ovulated. If I wasn't temping, my timing would have definitely been off. I'm just saying, use both tools to corroborate the other while you see how your body works.

 

[virginiaplain]

Just wanted to say hi as my hubby is 11 years younger than me - I'm 38 and he's 27. Nice to meet you as it's quite rare to have a similar gap (apart from Demi and Ashton and look at them ) We met about 6 years ago and have a DS1 who is 3. We also have a business together though we are selling it as it has been stressful (partly because #1 came just after we started the business - which is why we've waited to TTC #2 - of course #1 came along quickly and #2 has taken a while!) though we may start another business together in future. DH is from SE Asia and we are thinking of moving back - other than the fact that we want to try living there instead of the UK, I think (as a younger guy) he would be happier being in a stronger position regarding business/income etc as he is limited in what he does here. Fine by me - I will hopefully be pregnant soon so don't have a problem with that -and I have had various careers before our business where he is relatively early in his working life and has different motivations.
Anyway sorry for going off topic a bit but just wanted to say hi! Good luck with your IVF plans and

My husband is also 11 years younger than me (I'm 43, he's 32). My best friend's husband is 12 years younger than she is, but it's not very common among my group of friends. She got pregnant at 42 and is due in about a month. My husband I were pretty sure we didn't want kids, but realized we had some mixed feelings about it and decided to try. I think TTC has made it more real and although it's stressful, I will be okay one way or another. Nice to see some other women in the same boat!

 

[Jodes2011]

Def 2nd the CoQ10. Iffy on Omega-3. And I also 2nd Peacebaby's water tip (helps in mucus dept, too), but add lemons as that will help with bloating issues too..since you're reducing BMI. Hope you don't have to TTC for too long...

*SS*

Welcome hun SS why are you iffy about Omega 3? I was told to take it from my acupuncturist