39 weeks pregnant single feeling so alone & depressed

[Emmarose2010]

This is a very upsetting subject for me so please keep all negative comments to yourself..

I'm 39 + 4 along and I've been feeling so depressed lately. I have a 4 yr old daughter and my son is due any day now. Both children have the same farther. We were together for 7 years, engaged had a house ect.. He left me at the end of last year when I was 2 months along.
I've been up & down ever since. Really been finding it hard to cope. I lost our house & car, and have had to build from the bottom up.
Financially things are just ok. Ex partner hardly ever pays child support & refuses to believe second child is his.
He found someone else 5 weeks after he left me & moved 2 hours away with her. And doesn't want much to do with his son.

I'm just so devastated. I'm still in love with him & I don't know why.

I've managed to keep my emotions under control for most of the pregnancy but as soon as I hit 38 weeks its just been downhill. I love both my children so much, but I'm starting to loose hope in my future & starting to question if I am capable of doing it alone.
I feel like such a mess, like its never going to get any better. Is it normal to be feeling like this? I'm ashamed to admit I've lost a bit of excitement about meeting my little man too What's wrong with me???

 

[Mummy1995]

Nothing's wrong with you Hun. It's perfectly normal to feel how you do. I'm so sorry your ex is being like that you'd have thought someone who has helped bring up a child with you and you had been with for 7 years would at least have some respect for you as for child support just go get it officially sorted so he can't do anything if he's denying he's your sons father (my fob did this its a very common cop out) then get a DNA test and shove it up his arse then claim child support again!

Loving him is also normal. You were with him for such a long time and he's the father to your children. Of course you will still love him! Even if you hate him at the same time. Time is the biggest and best healer. Massive hugs. Your children will thank you when they're older and will have so much respect and love for you it will all be worth it. Keep going mumma! Surround yourself with positive and supportive friends and family xx

 

[Dezireey]

It is so so normal to feel like this, don't be so hard on yourself sweetie. What he has done is completely unforgivable and I have said this before on this forum. For the life of me, I just don't understand why these men that leave like this can't just be noble human beings about a new life coming into the world and put aside their selfish desires for a bit just to help a woman out that they got pregnant? I mean, no-one is forcing them to stay in a relationship with the Mother but breaking up with someone you have been with for seven years and treating them like garbage whilst they are pregnant with your child...it just beggars belief, there is no need to behave like that. My FOB was a real shit to me too. He left me and then continued to rub salt in the wounds, refusing to pay child support, saying the baby wasn't his etc etc.

Its a tough time hun, but you will get through it, trust me. I spent many days and nights when I was first pregnant sobbing and sobbing. Even today, I still love my ex. God knows why, wouldn't EVER bother with him again but it doesn't stop you loving them does it? Accept that you love him and leave it at that. You WILL get over it and you WILL get over him. He is the person who has done a despicable thing, not you. He can live with that guilt (trust me, it will get to him one day). As for how to cope the advice I would have given myself would be;

- try very, very hard to enjoy your pregnancy and especially your first year with your child. You will never get that time back and you will look back on it, now being stronger and over your ex and be pissed off that you wasted that time being upset about him, when you could have enjoyed your baby.

- Don't be afraid to ask for help, even if it is from a Health Visitor, friend or even get a Doula, you need support now for the birth from other people. Don't rely on him to change his mind at the last minute, so don't give yourself the heartache of hoping.

- get super organised, occupy your time and thoughts with this baby

- keep telling yourself it will get better and eventually it really will.Only time will heal the pain you feel and make things better, so go with the flow and accept that you feel rotten inside but push on and enjoy your baby / children.


It sucks having a man do this to you. He took a piece of your heart away for months and maybe a year or two. Don't let the loser take all your heart away and don't let him spoil the wonderful relationship you will have with your kids for the rest of your life.

I remind myself every day that my loser FOB has given up on his own family and he has no-one now. What a stupid, stupid thing to bail out on. These great kids will grow up to be adults one day, adults that could provide support and love and help to old age parents when they need it.Who in their right mind throws that away? idiots, the lot of them.

 

[moomin_troll]

I was a single mum when my son was 2 and I found out I was pregnant. It's so difficult being pregnant and doin it alone. Never mind how scary it all seems to be a mum to two!
But u can do this, we all have low moments and god do I need a break, but every second is worth it when I see my two boys playing together.
X

 

[Lilyandbump]

I know how you feel. My husband had an affair while I was pregnant with our first baby who is now 6 weeks old. We'd been married for 5 years. The pregnancy was planned and much anticipated. And he threw it all away for a cheap fling with a tart at work. We stayed together through the pregnancy, and in my heart of hearts, I desperately wanted him to love me again as I was (am - not sure now??) so in love with him. But when our son was 3 weeks old, he told me he wanted to end the marriage. I'm now living back at my parents because I simply couldn't cope on my own. I will move back to our house once he vacates it eventually but right now and for the next few months at least, I simply don't have the strength to do this alone. And there's no shame in that..

So my advice would be, draw on your family and friends as much as possible. They will want to be there to support you so make use of them. You don't have to be alone. It's just that your baby's family may not look like what you thought it would. Mine doesn't fit the picture postcard image on the nappy packets but my son is loved by his grandparents and myself and will never know any different. And that's all that matters.

We'll both be ok hun. The other girls are right - time is a wonderful healer.

I'll be praying for you xx

 

[Dream.dream]

I know how you feel. With this baby te dad had me convinced for a whole he would be there and take care us and then he ripped it all out from under us .

It's hard planning and preparing for this baby knowing that I won't be getting to have the family I was planning and wanted so bad and its heard to except I might be doing this alone again. it isn't what I wanted for my children and I still hope sometimes the dad will come around

 

[Louiseandbump]

Don't beat yourself up so much, stop feeling guilty for your feelings.

You are full of hormones, heavily pregnant, bringing up a young child, and dealing with a bad breakup. Any 1 of them things alone would be difficult for anyone to deal with, let alone all them things together.

FOB left me while i was pregnant and it definitely took the edge of my excitement over the pregnancy, because my mind was always so full of negativity. It makes it difficult to feel happiness and look forward to anything.

I hope you have other support around you, such as family or friends. If not you could always contact a local Sure start/children's centre who could advise you on where you can get additional support.

When my daughter did arrive, although things were still up in the air, i pulled it together and focused on her. I'm sure the second you hold your beautiful new baby, your heart will melt and you will wonder how he could ever throw away a loving family with a fiance and two lovely children.

You can cope with two young children, women do it every single day. Although im sure it is difficult you will cope because you have to, because them two little ones NEED you to. You will be stronger than you think when it comes to it im sure

*Take advantage of the support from these beautiful ladies on BnB, because whether you want to laugh, cry, rant, or just have a chat there is always someone around and willing to listen*

 

[Suzy_Q]

To help you resolve your feelings about the FOB, just remember you loved the old him and what you had. The new FOB? Well, he isn't worth your time. It's okay to mourn the relationship you had but keep in mind your FOB is no longer that man worthy of your love. Now his is making selfish choices and isn't worthy of your thoughts or your children's time. A new man is entering your life soon so prepare for that future. You can do this and you will... beautifully. That's your new mantra!

 

[Dezireey]

^ what she said! I remind myself everyday that I will meet a very special man who is kind, loving and wonderful and will love my son. How lucky are we to have that possibility ahead of us instead of a lifetime with a loser FOB. Lucky escape methinks. You will see that in time hun.

 

[Rhio92]

how are you doing? Cxx

 

[bump_wanted]

Im in a pretty similar situation I'm 34 (almost) weeks pregnant and at 13 weeks I found out my husband was having an affair he threw us (myself and our 3 yr
Old) out our martial home and shacked up with his girlfriend! Feel free to message me anytime xx