4 Years and I am going MAD!

[TTC1since09]

Hi ladies. Its been 4 years that DH and I have been ttc #1 and this week I lost my medical insurance. This was supposed to be the month we do our 1st round of Follistim after 4 failed cycles of Clomid. But since they terminated my medical unfortunately injections are a no-go. I feel like I am at my whits end. I have no idea where to go from here and really want to give up. We are currently using pre-seed just to give a little boost , but I don't ovulate on my own so basically I dont know what good it will do. I just needed to get that out. Feeling so alone, annoyed, angry. We are literally the last people within our lives who do not have children and the only ones who actually have been trying for them and want them more than anything. Everyone else just had oopsie babies. Its really unfair. No one else understands. And if I try to talk to hubby about it, I just cry.

 

[mindyb85]

Hey hun. I can relate. Dh and i have also been ltttc since 09 with a few cp's (one confirmed by doc in June 11 after my 6th round of clomid) because I too did not ovulate on my own and had very long cycles (100+). I had a laproscopy in june 2010 removing a "fluid filled sac" from my left tube and some endo but tubes were clear. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was a teenager along with pcos. I was going crazy and would just cry all the time. It put a huge strain on my marriage because my dh just thought I was miserable with everything all the time and so negative and bitter. I've been overweight my whole life (in the 250's+) all of my adulthood. When I was a senior in college, the yr before I let dh, I lost about 70 pounds and got in the 190's. All of a sudden everything was working right on schedule. Af was coming every 30-35 days. It was a miracle. Well after I met dh I immediately started putting weight back on til about 245. And again very irregular cycles, no ovulation, crazy on clomid for 3 years!! Well last August I told myself enough. I knew what I really had to do even tho I had been avoiding it and letting it get in the way of my dreams for 3 freaking long painful years! I started working out and eating better and started dropping the weight again. I can even show you my old charts but 35 days after I started I ovulated on my own cutting a very long cycle down 65days or so.(I had only lost 7 or 8 pounds at this time!!) The next month I ovulated again and had like a 50 day cycle. They kept shortening up and since then every month almost excactly on cd22, I have ovulated on my own also my fertile cm has gotten healthier and healthier. I'm not gonna lie, I still weigh in at 208 (having a lot of trouble with the last 15 pounds) but everything is working now naturally after docs said it wouldn't happen and we would need ivf. Oh PS, I lost my medical too but in the states Medicaid will cover 100% of everything when you're pregnant. I think i still haven't got pregnant because our bd timing has been bad and i think my endo is back (just from horrid af cramps) but now I'm hopeful again. It gives me a new lease on life that I can now enjoy dh and not stress out that I wont have a period for the next for months and never have a little one. I know we will. Also, to help with not going crazy about ltttc i have kept myself soooo busy with big goals it does actually help because at the end of the day im too exhausted to think about Sorry for the saga that is my story but I hope this helps a little. Oh yeah, I do take meds for hypothyroidism and keep taking g my 1500mg of metformin
everyday (I think that helps). Don't lose hope hun, it will happen!! and lots of