4 yr old behaviour advice

[lau86]

My four year old shows a lot of what I consider attention seeking/ jealous behaviour. He has always been like that so I don't think it's to do with family dynamics, it seems more his personality. He will deliberately do things he knows I have asked him not to do. Some things are very small like he will eat with his fingers on purpose when I have asked him to use a fork. He will drive his ride on on the grass even though I've asked him to stay on the patio and explained why. I feel he behaves this way to get a rise out of me, as opposed to his brother who will misbehave when he can't get his own way. Hope that makes sense. Lots of the things are small but it happens so many times a day it feels like I'm constantly saying 'no, I asked you not to do that etc'. I do follow through as well so it's not like I threaten a punishment and then don't do it
The thing is we tried to combat it by having separate one on one time for him. admittedly it's only half an hour a day but that is precious in a family of five. My mum says I'm pandering to him and it's going to make him even more spoilt. I'm a middle child with small age gaps so I can't understand this behaviour. What do I do with him?!

 

[Boomerslady]

Honestly I think it's standard 4 yr old pushing boundaries behaviour. I know Ben will do things just to wind me up, I say no and I watch him edge towards doing something to see my reaction. It's hard work alllll the time! But as long as you have punishments and follow through when he really misbehaves I'd say it's just something they grow out of (they'd better anyway!!)

 

[caz_hills]

My son does the same. I ask him to sit still, he wriggles, he always prefers to eat with his hands and things. I know my son pushes the boundaries far more since he was four than ever before. It's not naughtiness as such but more just trying to work out what is boundaries are I think.

It's frustrating I admit!!!!!!

 

[lau86]

Not really what I was hoping to hear! Does anyone have a magic wand...

 

[shadowlove]

My little girl does this even after reassuring her of our love and affection. We had no major changes and are consistent in routine. If it's a phase then I hope it will pass soon.

 

[babyjan]

My 4 year old is doing the exact same thing

Has there been any change since your last post?

 

[lau86]

Ha ha can't believe I have two of these within a few months! He is still very much the same. We're on holiday at the moment in Spain and his behaviour has been absolutely abysmal. I keep telling myself he's tired/ eating different things/ different routine but it's no excuse really. He will not do one thing he's told. It's a constant battle 'hold my hand/ eat with your fork/ sit on your chair/ don't run off/ stop jumping on the bed/don't touch that' all bloody day long. I'm considering asking for a referral to someone, I'm not sure who but I really don't think parenting should be this hard

 

[RaspberryK]

Could you think about star charts and work on a few things at a time?
Otherwise you're constantly on their case.
Pick your battles, concentrate on the serious stuff and let meaningless stuff slide.
X

 

[babyjan]

I'm thinking to try rewards charts myself.

His really getting out of hand is seriously testing me, today he was kicking me just to get a reaction

Hope it's not effecting your holiday too much

 

[lau86]

Is it wrong I feel glad he's not the only one. I think he was just so sleep deprived, it was an early flight here and he also had a stomach bug that day (such terrible timing), we did consider not coming but decided to at the last minute. He's had a good sleep and is better. When he's in that mood there's no getting him out of it I guess I just need to ride it out and lose my cool as least as possible!

 

[xxsteffyxx]

I feel your pain. We are currently having to go back to basics at the moment with H. Pushing boundaries, being loopy, answering back and generally developing quite the attitude. I seem to being seeing a trait with a lot of 4 year olds at the moment, so as someone said above I think this is just something they all go through. Dammit!!

Stay strong, keep doing what you're doing. I think that being consistent is the key here, keep saying what you are saying, doing what you are doing and eventually they'll be so fed up of hearing the same 'moans and groans' from mummy or daddy they'll just listen. It I think it's going to take time... I'm struggling to be consistent. Some days I want to throw the damn washing up liquid at him and tell him to make a mess with it, or use his fingers and say 'well if you get a tummy ache it's your fault' oh the amount of things we think up. But I have found consistency is key.

Oh and by the way - if you find a magic wand, or spell --- please pass it on 😁😁😁