4 yr old says he wants to live with nanny

[lau86]

I don't even know where this came from but he came in today and said he wants to go and stay with nanny forever. He wouldn't say why. We asked him why he thought Nannys was better, what was wrong here etc and he just said 'I don't know'. We explained he belongs here and we've done everything for him since he was a newborn.
I'm really not happy. 1) why he thinks it will be so much better At Nannys (she does give treats and snacks before dinner etc so undermines is basically). And 2) this kid seems to know how to upset us. I've written here before about him saying 'no one loves me'.
We're not perfect of course but I can say as parents we are loving and devoted and do very little for ourselves.
He is so ungrateful, eg we bought him a bike recently as an early birthday present (just so he could get some use over the summer), when we were riding it out of the shop he moaned because he didn't get an ice cream!

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I think probably most kids go through that phase. Lucas used to say he wanted to live with his nan or his dad whenever he couldn't get his own way. Sometimes he'd say he wished I'd move out and a different mum could move in. I found ignoring it was the best option, rising to it would make him upset then make me upset etc it just wasn't worth it.

 

[alibaba24]

my 6 year old still says she wants to live with her nana. It doesnt bother me I know its because she gets everything her own way when shes there and not that she doesnt love me type thing. she does get the occasional sleepover and my mum has said she misses me when shes there. She is always happy to come home and age 4 He has little concept of forever and what it would actually be like living away from you. Try not to let it upset you I am sure he will grow out of it x

 

[SophiasMummy]

My LO has said it. I just said fine that means you won't see Mummy every day though and none of your toys can go and she changed her mind.

Now I'm back to work she has to stay over night most weekends at my mums and can't wait to come home. I had to take this weekend off because she's been begging me to spend a weekend at home with her, though I'm pretty excited to have a weekend off for the first time in 5 months anyway. Just crossing fingers for some decent weather so we can do something fun.

 

[Bee4Shine]

I think it is pretty normal. Sometimes I think kids just want to get our attention. Don't make too much of it, maybe you can just change the subject when he brings it up? It is a good thing that he loves his Nanny. Hang in there mom!

 

[lau86]

Thanks everyone, I really wish I hadn't made a big deal out of it but it hurt my feelings.

 

[misspriss]

Every time we go to ANYONE else's house, my 3 year old almost always leaves screaming he doesn't want to go home, he wants to stay there! Anyplace is better than home, I think.

And I'm sure, if someone gave him the idea, he'd want to live with Nene (grandma). Grandma is so much more than mommy.

 

[OmarsMum]

I get this at least once a month, he knows it irritates me this is why he says it.

Today we received his end of year report & it was amazing, I was so excited I told him that he deserves a big gift, he just looked at me and told me calmly that buying him stuff does not make him happy and no thanks I don't need more toys, and he went back to what he was doing.

He told my mum once that he wished he was her son as he prefers to deal with me as his sister not him mum!

I honestly stopped overthinking about what he says & about his reactions, he's too smart & complex for me to understand him.

When he says he wants to move to his grandparent's house, I tell him calmly he can whenever he wants but we will still love him and he's welcome to come back whenever he wants.

 

[SarahBear]

Thanks everyone, I really wish I hadn't made a big deal out of it but it hurt my feelings.

Yeah, a good mantra for parenthood is: Don't take anything personally.

 

[caz_hills]

It would hurt my feelings too - you're the mum so I think that's normal!

My son, nearly five, has just started saying more opinionated things and things that he thinks will have an impact - like 'you're boring' or as he said to DH 'you're the worst dad'. My Hubble said it didn't bother me but i know I would have been so upset by it.

I guess they are just trying things out. But being upset about it shows how much you care.

Also grandparents spoil kids horribly (well both sets for my son do!) so it's probably that too x

 

[tommyg]

Tell him if he lived at Nannys she wouldn't spoil him.

Re the bike, kids have no idea about money to him its the same if you'd bought a matchbox car.

I'm not sure who's mum it is but id be telling her to stop the spoiling it really isn't good for him and is making him behave badly elsewhere.

 

[SpringerS]

He is so ungrateful, eg we bought him a bike recently as an early birthday present (just so he could get some use over the summer), when we were riding it out of the shop he moaned because he didn't get an ice cream!

I think that's par for the course with kids that age. My husband works away and has gotten in the habit of giving 3.5yo DS a small surprise when he comes home. Like a little car or imaginext figure. Sometimes DH gives DS a bigger surprise like a playset and DS is delighted with the bigger toy but also really disappointed not to get the little car/figure he had been expecting. It's not ungratefulness, just a lack of perspective.

 

[Quartz]

Agree all perfectly normal, I just laugh and say its tough and that they are stuck with me!

I know as well with DD sometimes she likes going to my parents because she likes having space as well away from her brother and the one to one care. I dont mind her being spoilt within reason at the grandparents its part of the grandparent/child relationship - I know I did with mine.

He is not being ungrateful either - the ice cream and bike are separate in his mind as well.

None of it is personal though and remember kids think differently from adults

 

[Monkei]

Isn't it lovely that he has a relationship with his nanny where he wants to be with her. My daughters 5 and will say things like that but she doesn't mean it I just say it's ok and if she wants to stay there she can. She has impromptu sleepovers there and has a lovely time so of course she wants to be there mummy is the nag but she still wants to come home and tells me she misses me