5 year old behaviour

[babyrough]

Please tell me it's not just me, but give me a newborn or a toddler over a 5 year old any day!

My sons behaviour is awful at the moment, don't get me wrong it's not constant, when he's good he's the sweetest little angel, but he seriously has a tantrum and looses it over the smallest things. Screams, shouts, slams doors, kicks out, says mean things- and this goes on for ages. Nothing calms him down.

I have tried everything, reward charts, talking it through, shouting, time out, leaving him to it to calm down, smacking, nothing works.

He was the BEST baby and toddler, he's never been like this, he's always been so happy. But he just has such attitude these days.

He hasn't had the easiest year, there's been a lot of change I guess. He's started school, me and his dad have been through court and contact has increased, and I really do worry that he's going to turn into his dad. Who is also an extremely angry hot headed person who cannot see reason. But I suppose that's a different story and I can't change his genes! (Ps there's no talking to dad so I don't know and will never truly know how he parents him)
He also doesn't have much of a routine because of my work rota, I work earlies lates and nights, rotating shift pattern - however this has been the same since he was a baby so no real change there.

I am so hoping it is a phase because it's making me dread taking him out anywhere, but when he's in a good mood he is so so lovely to be around.

Anyone else have any similar experience?

 

[LoraLoo]

My 5 year old has been horrendous lately. He is ususlly sweet, kind, caring...i mean dont get me wrong he had his moments. But these last few weeks hes been awful. And so defiant, just laughs when i tell him off. No advice really, just wanted you to know you're not alone. Hopefully just a phase?!.

 

[whatwillbex]

I had a taste of this type of behaviour the other week, it was so bad!. I thought to myself I have to help her take back control so I got her bed routine back on track and bought her bedtime forward as I realised she was just so tired she just couldn't control her emotions. I made time just to have some down time in the house just to chill out and not have to rush anywhere. Just taking time to read books and drawing giving her chance to express herself in other ways. Really helped us to reconnect.. Easier said than done with work commitments etc but tiredness really effects my dd and any change of routine . Her behaviour has gotten better since. Hope it gets better for you soon xx

 

[housewifey]

We've had this too recently & I swear it's because of the summer holidays. We're all out of routine, eating & sleeping at different times, busy visiting people and going places.

We've just been focussing on getting her to reflect back on how she's behaved and whether she could have behaved differently (better).

Calm approach works much better with my DD and so in the heat of a tantrum, slamming doors etc we remind her to take deep breaths, relax, calm down *yoga voice* and it seems to be working.

Today was a good day but I could have wrote your status myself 2 weeks ago.

 

[whatwillbex]

Agree, definitely the summer hols. Probably have it all again when they start back just as they begin to settle into summer holiday life! Arghh haha

 

[WackyMumof2]

Please tell me it's not just me, but give me a newborn or a toddler over a 5 year old any day!

My sons behaviour is awful at the moment, don't get me wrong it's not constant, when he's good he's the sweetest little angel, but he seriously has a tantrum and looses it over the smallest things. Screams, shouts, slams doors, kicks out, says mean things- and this goes on for ages. Nothing calms him down.

I have tried everything, reward charts, talking it through, shouting, time out, leaving him to it to calm down, smacking, nothing works.

He was the BEST baby and toddler, he's never been like this, he's always been so happy. But he just has such attitude these days.

He hasn't had the easiest year, there's been a lot of change I guess. He's started school, me and his dad have been through court and contact has increased, and I really do worry that he's going to turn into his dad. Who is also an extremely angry hot headed person who cannot see reason. But I suppose that's a different story and I can't change his genes! (Ps there's no talking to dad so I don't know and will never truly know how he parents him)
He also doesn't have much of a routine because of my work rota, I work earlies lates and nights, rotating shift pattern - however this has been the same since he was a baby so no real change there.

I am so hoping it is a phase because it's making me dread taking him out anywhere, but when he's in a good mood he is so so lovely to be around.

Anyone else have any similar experience?

This IS me at the moment but I am slowly changing that. I do a program called the Triple P and it's amazing!! It's challenges how we parent in a supportive and productive manner. Ignore what is bad behaviour and don't give in. Reward the good behaviour with praise, hugs, etc. It's a lot of hard work and not a quick fix but it works.

My DS2 has ADHD and I always thought that he was feral, sneaky, naughty but moments of kindness, strange comments, helpfulness etc. The more I got into the program, the more I realized that ALL those are who he is and I shouldn't be trying to change that but to change the bad behaviour/habits. I always have separated the boys from the PS4 and given them separate times to play thinking it's easier to avoid an argument than get into one. Again, it's challenged me. I've realized it's healthy for them to do so and it's a big part of problem solving. I can't solve it because it's not fixing the problem in the long term and it's creating more problems. Look into and see if you can source it. It's an Australian based program so if it's available in NZ, it should be available around the world.

 

[happyonisland]

Hang in there! It’s normal for children to go through different phrases. At times, a change in routine causes different behavior. Do your best. Continue to love and encourage him.
You are a great mom! This too shall pass.
Good luck! I wish you all the best.

 

[c1403]

Going through this too with my soon to be five year old. I don't think I help things though as I give in to save the arguements! .I also have a almost three year old almost as bad. I don't want them to go back to school/nursery but another part of me can't wait.

 

[Apple111]

Hi just wanted to say hi and that I'm going through similar with my 4 year old at the moment. Unfortunately he has had to have 3 operations in the last couple of years, last being last week so has been pampered a little and rightly so with what he had been through but he has also recently had the arrival of a little baby brother who he adores but it's still a lot of changes. I'm trying to take the same approach as whatwillbe, I'm getting there. I have 4 boys so Ive been here before and do agree that there are lots of phases.. they are very tiring though so you do have my simpathy xx you honestly sound like u are doing a brilliant job .. just keep at it hon and hopefully it will pass soon .. for all of us lol.. oh and sorry about the situation with your sons dad.. that must be difficult.. I was in similar with my first sons dad but it did get easier as my son got older and we are very close now x

 

[YoshiPikachu]

My daughter is like this. She always has been though.

 

[CaliDreaming]

This behavior is normal for a 5 year old. Count yourself lucky that you haven't had to deal with it throughout his toddler years. Children this age often have difficulty regulating their emotions. This is because the part of the brain that controls that is not developed in young children. Different children develop at different rates, so some children may be able to control themselves faster than others.

You should see improvements in his ability to manage his emotions in the coming years. In the meantime, you can help him learn how to better regulate his emotions. Learn his triggers and try to minimize those--hunger, tiredness, new situations, etc. It's easier if you get him to calm down before he's reached the boiling point because once he's in the red zone, there's really nothing you can do but ride it out, make sure he's safe holding him if necessary.

A few kids may have other brain based things going on with them that may require a little more help--ADHD, giftedness, etc., but it sounds like your child is developing typically and his outbursts are not out of the norm.

My 6 year old daughter was a pistol as a baby, toddler and in kindergarten. We even had her evaluated for ADHD. The psychologist told us that she did not appear to have it, and just was a bit more immature than other kids--i.e. prefrontal cortex in brain needed a little more development. It seems she was right because she has improved leaps and bounds over where she was last year.