5yr old behaviour

[LaughOutLoud]

Hi ladies, its been a long time since i last came here. Ive come to seek your guidance with a issue i have with DD because i think i was gob- smacked and really dont know what to do.

We were out shopping and it isnt usually just the two of us (with school, new baby and general being busy) but i asked her a question and she lied to me. It was something so silly like 'were you chewing your hat?!' I thought she was being dishonest so i asked her again and after a bit she said she lied to me because she didnt want me to get angry at her.

Im not sure where its come from or if my tolerance span has limited after DD2 but i have always talked to her about things and made sure she can talk to me too if she has anything on her mind.

Usually, she doesnt tell me anything 'on her mind' or about school until she remembers or if she wants. She goes for classes after school and my parents live across the road with my niece so she is always wanting to run off there when she has a chance. I feel that may be she loves being at my parents house so much that she is starting to see me as the disciplinarian so she is distancing herself from me?

She was/is my bestfriend and i dont want to lose her. If ive been short with her i tell her i was wrong and apologise.

After the birth of DD2 in July we were in hospital for a month. DD1 stayed with my parents and then when we did come home I had to try getting her into a school and had started teaching her at home so she didnt fall behind. I feel may be because she stayed away for such a long time its damaged our relationship and she cant be honest with me?

We do fun things with her and make sure she has a social life even though its usually her dad or me with her but i need to know how to handle this please? Im sorry if this is a bit all over as its 3am and need to go to bed.

 

[OmarsMum]

Hi, nice to see you around again

I think it is normal, when Omar uses the toilet I ask him if he peed standing or sitting, most of the time he says sitting as he knows I don't like it when he pees standing, so now I told him that he should be honest with me even if he did something I don't like.

As for school, Omar doesn't tell me anything about what goes there (see my threads here)

According to him I am no fun as I don't play football with him and all what I want him to do is study (not true)

I think she likes to be at your parents because there is another child her age there and they play together?

I don't have much advise but I think it is only an age thing xx

 

[aimee-lou]

Don't worry too much about the dishonesty thing. Earl often says things like 'I don't want you to be mad but.....'

To me it shows me he knows the rules. I make a point of not getting angry or mad at him if he's been honest with me. I may get a little 'huffy' but I try not to show it lol. It's usually things to do with the toilet as he's really lazy and waits until the very last minute to go all the time....drives me batty. If he doesn't get there in time he will sit really sheepish and I can tell what's going on lol.

As for the playing at your parents house, that I agree is totally normal. She's got a playmate, the rules are different (I'm assuming your parents are normal grandparents in that they have a tendency to give in lol) and things are probably a bit more pleasant without a crying infant around.

Please don't worry about the school thing either...all I ever get from Earl is 'I played on the computer'. I'm sure he doesn't spend 6 hours a day on the computer.

If there's something really wrong though Earl will usually talk to me about it eventually...either by him asking me directly or by me asking him in conversation. I try to distract him with an activity (we'll be colouring or doing playdoh for example) and I'll ask him all about his day, school, who his friends are, etc and things normally come out then.

She is simply growing up. It's important that you maintain the relationship you have obviously built with her, and show her that you're always there for her and ultimately, when push comes to shove, they will always come to you with any issues they have.

 

[RachA]

I echo what the others have said. It's not a case of her distancing herself-it's natural that children start to lie. The important thing is to keep the communication with them open.

It's also natural that they want to play where other children are. My son is 7 and he always wants to be at a friends house or his cousins houses (he doesn't get to go all the time!).

 

[alibaba24]

my 5 year old has just started to tell little lies for example she might be playing in her sisters room and I can clearly hear her on the monitor climb onto the sides of the cot. when I get up and come through she jumps down and i say to her where you climbing on your sisters cot? and she says no! I know she was. to be honest I think its just a kid thing . I would be kinda glad she is thinking ahead although i wouldnt encoruage lying obviously its good shes got that kind of forward thinking x

 

[dani_tinks]

My son has also recently started to lie. Mostly little white lies. He thinks it's funny as he'll always grin when telling a fib! I think they just like to push the boundaries to see how far they can get. It's all very normal and just part of growing up.

 

[jd83]

As the others have said, I think its just a phase kids go through, no matter how close your relationship is with them. DS1 lies to me sometimes, too, over things I absolutely know he did, and he has no reason to lie about. When I ask why he lied, he usually says something similar like he didn't want me to get mad at him. I then explain that sometimes lying is what gets him in more trouble than what he did, because there is no reason to be dishonest.

 

[mummylove]

I think its normal at that age. Ive had my daughter say her teacher pushed her out the door lol

 

[Smille24]

This is totally normal like everyone else said. Every day after my DD gets home from school I ask her what they did or learned. She says she forgets or played on the computer. I get all of her worksheets daily so I know what she does. She is too preoccupied with wanting to play or blow off steam.
She also takes a packed lunch every day and says she eats everything. Her teacher sent a note home telling me she's not eating what I pack. She tried to lie but then admitted to it once she realized she was caught.
I could go on and on with stories. As long as you bring it to their attention and correct them, it will be ok.

 

[eddjanuary10]

I agree it's normal for this age. Sometimes Ihsan will tell me things that aren't true and then say he's only joking when I question him further. As for spending time with Mummy well he loves to but he much prefers to play with other kids these days and is forever asking for his friends to come over or for us to go to their house. If his best friend lived as close as your niece I'd probably rarely see him!

 

[hattiehippo]

Completely agree with everyone above.

It's normal for her to want to be with friends and is the start of her moving into her own world as she grows up. It doesn't mean she won't stay close to you or come to you when she needs you. I love my DS to bits and he's always been my little pal but I want him to have good friends outside of me but always know I'm there for him when he needs me IYKWIM. He doesn't need to be my best friend, just my son if that makes sense.

The lying thing is normal too. My DS quite often will lie about things he really doesn't need to basically because he can. It's a new thing to him that he has the power to not say the truth and also he knows now that sometimes the truth will get him into trouble!

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

My DS is 4.5, he likes to say he washed his hands after using the bathroom but if I say "ok, let me smell them" he will growl and go back to wash them. He doesn't really understand lying, I've tried to explain "truth", "honesty", "lying", etc to him but he doesn't really understand. Just like "accident" and "on purpose", he doesn't quite get it and they are hard concepts to explain. I have started by asking him a question, waiting for the lie and then telling him calmly that he is lying/fibbing/being dishonest. I then tell him what the truth is and then we talk about his version of events vs what actually happened. I've told him it is really important to tell the truth and given examples of why, we have read "They Boy Who Cried Wolf" a bunch too. Not much else to do really!

For spending time with her, can you go on Mummy-daughter dates? Just the two of you to do something fun like shop for a new accessory, go to the park, watch a movie that DD2 is too young for, have a proper tea party or something that she is interested in so you can connect on her level?

It is probably just a phase. We are just adjusting to a new baby ourselves, so trying to wade through. Momma

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Thank ypou ladies for your replies. Id forgotten id wrote here as posted so late at night, lol!

Wishing you guys all the best x