6yr old an being disrespectful

[LaughOutLoud]

Now my 6.5yr old isn't "naughty" per se but has turned into some sort of a pre teen with sulking an general cheekyness. Hiwever, her attitude is more defiant although she does listen in the end but with a battle IYKWIM. Today we were outside in the shed an her an her cousin who is 7 started to take out house toys that are not for the garden an basically getting excited emptying all the boxes. My home has just been reorganised an garden still doin so I didn't want the mess specially as it was nearly bedtime. I told them to not do this, all the while they are laughing an I'm having to raise my stern voice an getting angry. They did stop but DD said I'm being rude am she don't have to listen to which I said she does need to. They then ran inside and wrote me a letter saying I'm rude to them an they hate me. They gave this to me wen I got in and we're still laughing.

My question is how would you have reacted and what would you have done?

 

[SarahBear]

Now my 6.5yr old isn't "naughty" per se but has turned into some sort of a pre teen with sulking an general cheekyness. Hiwever, her attitude is more defiant although she does listen in the end but with a battle IYKWIM. Today we were outside in the shed an her an her cousin who is 7 started to take out house toys that are not for the garden an basically getting excited emptying all the boxes. My home has just been reorganised an garden still doin so I didn't want the mess specially as it was nearly bedtime. I told them to not do this, all the while they are laughing an I'm having to raise my stern voice an getting angry. They did stop but DD said I'm being rude am she don't have to listen to which I said she does need to. They then ran inside and wrote me a letter saying I'm rude to them an they hate me. They gave this to me wen I got in and we're still laughing.

My question is how would you have reacted and what would you have done?

The stern angry voice is clearly not effective as you've described the situation. One approach I may have used would be to first verbally express the expectation. If the child responds by running around and laughing, my next step would be to approach the child, get them to stop running around, tell the child that they are ignoring and state "I need you to listen." When the child is able to listen, re-state the expectation. If the expectation can't be listened to, the next step could be to follow through on a consequence. For example, "I asked you to not take these toys out in the yard. You can put them away or I can put them away where we won't be using them for a while." Then follow through on packing the toys away and leaving them packed away for a reasonable length of time. When getting them back out, have a discussion around why they were packed away in the first place. As for the letter, don't take it personally. It also sounds like if they're making messes and writing disrespectful letters, they could use a break from each other. I'd split them up and have them spend time alone for a while. Then I'd go in and speak with them individually after things cool down. I'd start by getting to the bottom of why they're doing it and establish the fact that it's not acceptable behavior. I'd also reinforce appropriate ways of expressing one's self.

 

[jd83]

I think they get one repeat of the expectation at that age. If they are still clearly ignoring you, and are even making rude comments back (and going in the house to write a letter about it, and "hating you"), they are well aware they are being completely disrespectful in those actions. Were you babysitting the cousin, or could you send her home? If you were babysitting, I would have separated them immediately for a time out for that kind of disrespect. After the time out, I'd discuss with both of them that behaving like that is completely unacceptable, and if it continues, further consequences will happen. Such as removing privileges, taking away the toys for a set amount of time, giving them additional chores, etc. If the cousin could go home, I'd have sent her home and told them both that the reason cousin had to go home was because they weren't following the rules, and both were being disrespectful to the adult in charge. I would also let the parent know why cousin was sent home, so they could discuss with their child appropriate behavior when visiting someone else's home.

 

[Quartz]

You seem to have gotten stuck in battle mode, you go to stern, anger no and she goes into defiant cheeky rudeness.

Compromise - I would say its nearly bedtime so shall we just get out one box of toys, children understand that rather than just being told no. You need to listen to each other and respect each other.