7 year old & rugby. What would you do?

[shellideaks]

DS's dad got him involved with a local rugby club a few months ago. He goes training after school on a Friday and plays matches mostly on a Sunday morning. DS likes going as all his friends from school are on the team so he enjoys seeing them.

However, he's terrible at rugby. To me, it seems like he doesn't even want to play. Every time I've seen him play/train, he ignores the coach and dances around. Half the time he's just sat watching. The only time he does anything is when he's messing around with his friends.

It's got to the point that his friends are now being mean to him in school because of how bad he is (he honestly puts in no effort at all). He was crying on the way home from school on Friday because his friend told him he's not allowed to play any more because of his dancing. This was after a match on Thursday night where he had hold of the ball once and promptly threw it to the opposite team whilst walking off the pitch telling everyone he "Didn't want to play rugby any more".

Then when I dropped him off at training on Friday, another boy on his team came over to him and right in front of me just said "Max we lost last night because of you and your stupid dancing getting in our way". He looked so hurt but what am I meant to say when it's partly true?!

I don't want him to play any more and I'm going to mention it to his dad tonight when he picks him up. I think he'll still take him, but do you think I'm out of line saying I want nothing to do with it if that's what he decides? I don't think it's good for him, or his confidence. Especially when it's carrying over in to school as well.

Sorry it's so lengthy!

 

[Rachel_C]

I think you should talk to the coach. I used to spend a lot of time on a rugby league pitch and when the kids are 7 (or older!) it is a challenge to keep them all engaged in a training session... but the coaches are/should be trained to do just that. If one child is dancing around and not getting involved, it's the coach's job to get them joining in and enjoying it and it's also important that nobody is blamed for the team losing. Most of the training should be very light-hearted fun games, no serious training at that age really, so if the coach isn't doing that I would find out why, perhaps speak to the Head Coach/Coaching Co-ordinator and find out what the club's policy is. It's not supposed to happen but there are clubs that are all about winning even with the tinies. It may be that the club he's going to just isn't right for him and you could ask your ex to switch to somewhere better, even if that means moving away from friends.

I would speak to your LO too - find out if he's going because he does like rugby but then gets bored or shy or something, or whether he just wants to spend time with his friends. If it's friends, maybe look at something else he could do outside school with them. If he does like rugby, I'd talk to him about the need to listen to the coach because although it's the coach's job to get the kids involved, there does have to be parental support too.

I wouldn't say you won't get involved. I've seen so many kids playing rugby and when they do something good (even if it's remembering to run the right way for the first time!), they look for their parents and you don't want to miss that when he does get it right. And if it's difficult for him, he probably needs your support more not less.

 

[shellideaks]

Thanks for the input Rachel The team doesn't seem to be a proper one, the coach is just one of the dads from school and he spends a lot of his time shouting at all the kids. I've heard some of the other mums complaining about the way he speaks to them so I'm wondering if part of it is down to how he's teaching them.

He's an easily distracted child in general, it's hard to get him to focus on anything unless it's actually something he wants to do. I guess I need to sit down and have a chat with both him and his dad to see what he wants. This is the 3rd sport his dad has tried to get him involved in (football and judo being the other 2) and to me it just seems he's not a sporty child.

 

[Rachel_C]

If it's not a proper team but they are training and playing matches I would stop him going right now, regardless of any of the other stuff. Informal coaching means no coaching qualification, no child protection checks, maybe no first aid, no health and safety checks and, worst of all, no insurance. Teams need insurance to train and to play in matches - it's putting everybody at risk if you don't have it. It's not worth the risk of something going wrong.

Could you look into a proper club if his dad is keen on it? Maybe if some of the other mums aren't keen on the coach, some of the kids could go together. I know there are rugby league clubs in Widnes but I'm not sure about rugby union. West Bank Bears ARLFC and St Maries Vikings are both rugby league with U7s/U8s clubs in Widnes.

 

[shellideaks]

Oh well in that case, it is a proper club cos it's actually Maries he's with lol. OH thinks the coach is terrible the few times he's came to watch Max. I don't know, he just doesn't seem happy doing it to me.

Just waiting for his dad to pick him up now so will have a word when he gets here and see what he thinks.

 

[hypnorm]

My son did football club at school last year, I came early to pick him up and watched frm a distance so he didnt notice me, and Ewan was just running in circles in the goal, retrieving the ball every so often, he was getting ignored as the other kids all did football club for the local teams. I felt sad as Ewan wanted to go but got totally left out. We have now moved schools and his confidence was shattered and he has no interst in football club although he has signed up for tag rugby in school.

 

[Rachel_C]

Oh well in that case, it is a proper club cos it's actually Maries he's with lol. OH thinks the coach is terrible the few times he's came to watch Max. I don't know, he just doesn't seem happy doing it to me.

Just waiting for his dad to pick him up now so will have a word when he gets here and see what he thinks.

Well that's kind of good as there is a proper structure they SHOULD be following. I still have some contacts in the North West for RL so send me a PM if you want any details - I can find out who you could talk to if the coach isn't up to the job or get details of a different club if you think that would help. At that age though, sometimes it's just best to play at home and go back in a year if he still wants to play and see if it's better then. Good luck!

 

[shellideaks]

Thanks for the offer, we've actually decided to take him out of rugby. I asked him to be honest with me and he admitted he didn't want to play. He seems a lot happier for it so all is good. His dad has signed him up for a street dance class instead, hopefully he'll enjoy that seeing as he loves to dance