A bit of advice for my friend...

[Ceejay123]

A friend of mine, 'A' broke up from her ex ' B' because he cheated on her, with a much older woman. They're both early twenties, and this woman is almost 40 I think. Anyway - He maintained an affair with this woman 'C' , until A found out about a year and a half ago.

A is now in a happy relationship, but it took a lot of upset and depressive issues before she could move on. Her partners been living with her for a while now and they're a happy unit, Leah (LO) loves him to bits. She's 2 1/2.

When Leah was little her Dad was a bit of a waste. He did care for her, but never bothered to do anything, and left everything to 'A'. 'A' was worried about them maintaining contact away from her as he'd never changed nappies/got up in nights etc... But she knew she couldnt bare to be around him after he hurt her and carried on lying to her until recently about still being with 'c'.

So, she agreed to 2 days contact a week, at his parents home that he lives in. This then went to 1 day and night, and 1 further day. Well now, he wants to move in with 'C' in a few weeks, and has told 'A' he's taking her to court unless she lets Leah move in with them two days a week. Leah has only met 'C' a few times, for short periods of time. It's distressing 'A' a lot, she can't sleep, she's barely eating. She feels as though she's not personally ready for her LO to be with this woman overnight/semi-living at her home. He also wants to cut her Child supportfrom him down (Not actually through CSA) from £200, to £100.

I've told her personally I don't know what court would do... I've told her at some point her girls going to have to have a relationship with 'C' but that she may be able to prolong it if she has actual reasons. I've told her she could always request a 'sit-down' with 'C' if she feels she needs to get some things out/talk to her... but i've a feeling that would end in a row. She's very nervous about Leah being in a 'family unit' with her ex and the woman he cheated with, so I honestly feel as though this is more of an issue for her than Leah.. but shes so frightened. I think she just needs time. Can anyone give me some good advice for her? She wants her LO to stay at his parents with him rather than at his gf's.

I've also told her that using the CSA calculator, CSA would take £200 off him, so not to take his crap with halving that. x

 

[Ceejay123]

Edit: He has PR and sent her this to intimidate her:


In summary, Parental Responsibility provides the parent with decision making ability in regards to the following aspects of a child’s life:

- providing a home for their child

- protecting and maintaining their child;

- how their child is disciplined

- choosing the school in which their child will be educated

- determining the religious upbringing of their child

- consenting to medical treatment of their child;

- providing or allowing any confidential information about their child which is requested to be disclosed

Furthermore Parental Responsibility encompasses the following:

- naming their child and agreeing to any change of their child's name;

- applying for a passport for their child;

- accompanying their child outside of the United Kingdom and agreeing to the child' emigration

- being responsible for their child's property, for instance when the child inherits property at an early age;

- appointing a guardian for their child

 

[Jennifurball]

This is a worry of mine too, I never want my girl spending time with another woman.

I was told about a residence order where he has to have LO back to the main address by a certain time and there is some other order where their new partners can't see LO so they couldn't 'move in' with the new partner. Their best interests is with the child. Tell her to get legal advice now to see where she stands. The earlier the better, even if it just puts her mind at rest. Hate men like that I really do. Don't wanna know apart from doing it to get to the mum.

 

[Dream.dream]

Get a lawyer would be the best thing she can do.

 

[cmarie33]

I think a court might suggest lo gets to know his gf before stopping over, however if there's no reason why he shouldn't have her stay I don't know what she can do xxx

 

[Ceejay123]

I think she's trying to talk her ex round but he's having none of it. She's too nice for her own good. As soon as he picks Leah up he switches his phone off, so she can't know how she is for 24 hours. Doesn't even turn it on if he's late back!!