A few scary questions regarding my future as a mom

[jameygaga]

I posted this in the Introduce Yourself Forum but decided to move it here because I have a few questions that might get answered sooner over here...

I'm not exactly sure why I signed up for this site...maybe it's because lately I've been consumed with the idea of pregnancy and having a baby. It really sucks though because I know that it cannot and will not be a part of my life for a VERY long time. I am not financially stable in the least bit, I'm only 24, and I haven't even finished up my college career. Oh, not to mention my last real relationship ended 6 months ago. I guess I'm here out of curiosity. I sometimes secretly wish that I accidently get knocked up so that I can have an excuse to just become a mom. Is that weird?? I know I am so young I dont know why I'm having these thoughts! It's really freaking me out. I feel like it would give my life some kind of purpose and meaning, something I am lacking. I have NEVER felt like this in my life. I wish I could just fall in love with someone really financially stable so I could have a little one of my own sooner than later.

Also, I guess I should mention that I have been pregnant before..twice in fact. The first time was with my first boyfriend at the age of 18 out of sheer irresponsibility and I had an abortion. The second time the condom broke with a different guy, one I had hardly known really, and I had to get another abortion about 1 1/2 years later. After those experiences I vowed to myself that if I ever got pregnant again I would have the baby. Not only because it's really not good for your body but also because I am literally traumatized by these experiences. I feel like an awful person and I could NEVER go through with that again. I'm also here because I am wondering if there are any of you out there who've suffered from eating disorders such as bulimia and gone on to have healthy babies. I have suffered from bulimia for the past 9 years of my life and I'm terrified I won't be able to have a healthy baby because of that and the fact that I've also had 2 abortions. I feel like I've ruined my body and now will have to pay for it by not being able to have my own child one day. :'( Any feedback/advice would be so greatly appreciated. Thanks ladies.

 

[Lilaala]

Gosh hun, let's see if I can't offer anything.

Well, I'm 24 myself, and I can tell you that I get told how young I am all the time, but that doesn't need to be a mark against you. My opinion is that age does not automatically determine maturity level. I know 30-year-old's who are just now letting up on acting like kids, and I know 20-year-old's who are well rounded and goal-oriented. Don't count your age under the list of 'cons' you've made, honestly it shouldn't be a determining factor.

As for the relationship being missing, and you being busy with school, nothing is really set up at the moment to help you achieve your desire to have a child. Wretched place to be when feeling broody. Perhaps to help ease the void you feel, a pet would be a good decision? Honestly my cat is my baby right now, I even refer to her as my substitute-infant, as I can cuddle her and care for her. Puppies are even more maintenance, and show more exuberant enthusiasm, which might help put a metaphorical band-aid on your having to wait to have a child.

Regarding the Bulimia and abortions, well, you have the option to look at the wait you are enduring as an opportunity to work on your own physical health. Your body is not ruined, just a bit battered, and would probably love some TLC. I teetered on the verge of Anorexia for 7 years myself, but have come to the point where I not only make a point of eating regularly now, but make sure I eat whole grains, vegetables, fruits, and protein. I take a multi-vitamin to make sure I haven't missed anything important, and I do Yoga, which I found beneficial. The thinking that caused the eating disorder in the first place needs to go, it has no place in my life now, and has no right to be in yours, it is still present in some form since you feel as though you 'will have to pay for it'. This isn't true, you are a beautiful being with every reason to have a long, happy, healthy life, and a baby as well.

So basically, care for yourself, seek distractions, and know the end to your waiting is in sight (as you will finish college and chances are you'll meet your other half in good time as well!). I wish you all the best!

 

[jameygaga]

Thank you so much for your inspirational advice! You are right, it will all come in time it's just hard when you wanna skip all the bs and get to the good stuff where everything falls into place. I guess that's what life is though!

 

[Webbykinskt]

Don't have any advice unfortunately for you, but I wanted to welcome you to the forums

About the age thing? You're 6 years older than me, yet I feel a burning want to start a family now so I don't think people will judge you. All I can suggest is, make sure when you're looking for a partner, don't think about the baby thing so much otherwise you could make an unwise decision.

Good Luck

 

[Berniep]

Hi and welcome to BnB
Not a lot of advice but tbh i think Lilaala's advice was great and better than any i could have given, but the age thing we all mature at different ages i was 20 when i had my first and i didn't struggle because of my age and no one ever said i was too young. I wish you lots of luck and hope in the near future your situations make it possible for you to start ttc x

 

[bunnyg82]

hi hun, I am sorry, I too have little advice, but I do want to welcome you here. You've been through an awful lot, so it's no surprise you have so much confusion in your head. I hope that your time here will give you the peace that you clearly need and help you in some way

 

[carla15x]

Welcome bab = ]

I too have no advice . . .

I have had an abortion also && worry that I won't be able to get pregnant
I also have had sever periods of EDNOS && again worry about that stopping me from getting pregnant.

Sounds like we're both worrying about the same things
But hopefully things will be fine
&& work out for the both of us!! = D

xx