a good mom knows...comments from a crumby friend

[2have4kids]

A good friend of mine (previous moh)has gone off her rocker with being scared of toxins this, carcinogens that. Recently on pinterest I've caught her repinning the same pins as me saying mean things like 'anyone who's ever been a mom knows'...you fill in the blank here opposite of what I've said. If i like the idea of cloth diapers(any mom knows cloth takes too much effort for what they're worth), a pin i have of a rubber duckie for the bath (full of phthalates of course and will cause your children to be infertile...doncha know!) Well, the comment about anyone who's ever been a parent knows... for me was the last drop in the bucket that broke the camels back (is that the saying?). I don't need to be reminded that I don't have children yet and we're about the very last of all our friends to be able to conceive a family, due to a genetic issue that's caused me infertility, never mind be constantly reminded of all of her insanity and fears of dying from one thing or another. The infertility thing was a low blow and something I just don't need so called friends throwing in my face in order to prove silly points.

I went to visit her new baby recently and she's got rid of her ceramic dishes for clear glass citing that ceramics all have lead in the glaze (untrue and oh let me go home and dye from lead poisoning from my lead-laden ceramic plates). She doesn't use a microwave-changes the molecular structure of your food, no canned food-we'll get poisoned from the cans, no one can buy gifts for her kids as they're all unsafe. Apparently i should go to this california company to get a baby mattress so that it doesn't off gas onto my baby as regular mattresses do. The DH said we can just get a used one that's already done off gassing (suits me fine!)

It's too much for me and it's constant and all-consuming, so since the visit I've tried to keep her at an arms length. It's not working because I'm still seeing the craziness on pinterest. I've stopped following her today but I just think maybe I should do the same on facebook too? I can't speak to her about this sort of thing. There's no reasoning with her, i told her last time that I'm not interested in all of the fear-mongering emails and talk (the subject was on how stevia is toxic, mimics hormones, and causes hypoglycaemia -all ridiculous assertions from the mommyblog of a dietician's opinion, not a single science-based fact). I've let her get under my skin for too long and don't feel like i have anything in common with her anymore. What would you do?

 

[Bex84]

Just ignore some mums are know it alls. Do whats best for your baby and you. With matress as long as you get a spring matress you dont get problem plus most people have cot set up way before lo goes onto it so will be aired out anyway. Mums should support each other and its disgusting she points out you havent had lo yet. My best friend doesent have a child but doesent mean i value her opinion less and i know she is going to make a fantastc mum, i have friends who do stuff differently but i think they are fantastic mums

 

[AC1987]

Ahh I dislike know it alls ... I would "try" to ignore her, though thats easier said than done

 

[leiaorgana1]

You know, there's this Biodome thing in a desert, maybe they have a vacancy?

Sorry OP, just being silly! I know part of being a mum is this whole new set of fears you never knew where possible. Even though I can completely see your point and I can definitly see how for your sanity it's better to be able to step back from it, spare a thought for her. Inside all this know-it-all business must be a lot of worry and fear. I mean imagine taking on board every scare and adapting your life accordingly?! She may be doing your head in but I wager her own mind is in a worse state.

 

[proudparent88]

I don't have this problem with friends but my mom had cancer a little while back and has become overly paranoid of this stuff! Microwaves and anything not natural ect because she feels everything causes cancer. It drives me insane especially when I was given a microwave after mine went and stopped working she told me don't even keep it in the house because it will cause cancer and you are pregnant ect... all because it wasn't a brand new one! I get furious and just let it go I know she has reason to have concern but it honestly gets to be too much!

 

[m.knight]

Well when her kids turn out to be allergic to everything, paranoid about everything probably leading to anxiety later in life, and have no sense of how to look after themselves because they don't know how to take a risk, you can post saying "anyone who has kids...." And add in your comment. She sounds like a horrible person who is doing her kids no favours. Has any child ever died from rubber duck "toxins"? I doubt it!!!

 

[2have4kids]

Thanks ladies, I fully agree with all of the points you've brought up, new perspectives always shed light on the situation. I also had a good laugh, too bad there isn't a bio dome in the desert and nope, I'm pretty sure there's never been a documented case of death by rubber duckie lol. Thanks for cheering me up!!!!

 

[Bex84]

Well if there is a death my rubber ducky it will be in our bathroom as thats our decorating scheme in there. We have lots as my lo loves them and my daughter has not been injured yet. Your friend must not go to playgroups which is full of plastic toys lol and im afraid having worked with children given the choice between brightly coloured plastic and the tastefully decorated wood toys most children will pick the most brightly gaudy coloured piece of plastic especially if makes an annoying noise lol

 

[the why bird]

I'd be tempted to start posting updates like 'any good mother knows that keeping your child in a bubble will lead to a sub-standard immune system and poor risk judgement in adulthood' and 'anyone who has had a child knows that you make the right decision for your own family, whether or not others agree with it'.

But it's probably not worth the hassle. Ignore, and laugh it off if you can.

 

[I Love Lucy]

Honestly, I'd probably block her and no longer have contact. She just sounds like a negative person that you don't need in your life.

 

[Ckelley]

Wow! I'm sorry.

Before I had our daughter I had a huge list of "I'll never" and I'll always"... Let me tell you that it is a bunch of crap! You do what works for you and your baby!

My daughter HATED the baby teethers. She was always stealing the dog teethers we had for our puppy. So gross, but whatever. The puppy preferred Charlie's teethers, so it was an amicable swap.

 

[2have4kids]

Wow! I'm sorry.

Before I had our daughter I had a huge list of "I'll never" and I'll always"... Let me tell you that it is a bunch of crap! You do what works for you and your baby!

My daughter HATED the baby teethers. She was always stealing the dog teethers we had for our puppy. So gross, but whatever. The puppy preferred Charlie's teethers, so it was an amicable swap.

Bahhh hahaha, and I bet neither one scrunched noses over swapping germs. They're both probably both MUCH healthier for the odd time you couldn't catch the dog teether to clean before baby chewed on it. My friend would be horrified.

I've just found the block function on Pinterest and it works wonderfully! So glad we've got controls. I've decided not to remove her from my fb but it'll be a LONG time before I say hello again. Next thing you know she'll be criticizing my parenting and baby. Some people aren't worth the effort.

 

[Mummafrog]

Lots of great points here. Again I can't help feeling a little sad for your friend, it's clear she has a lot of anxiety and must live in a lot of stress and fear, I hope she doesn't forget to enjoy her children with all that worrying going on!

You've made the right move in my opinion with keeping your distance, I think what she did was really rude. Enjoy your long awaited bumpkin and give them the warm, clean home they deserve without letting the little things panic you.
Dara O'Briain comedian does a great bit about how kids are supposed to get sick, so true!
xx

 

[hongkongchick]

Of course, to each their own, if they want to do all those things or avoid all those things, that's cool, i never have a problem with that, but if they are pushing their views on me (like religions or politics), then i am out.

I always believed in harmony, take a step back and look at the big picture, ask myself "can i just smile and let it go without feeling awful?" if not, then i avoid her any way i can. delete her on fb (hell that's a must do in this day and age), unfollow her on pinterest (perhaps even start a new account?! LOL).

 

[2have4kids]

Of course, to each their own, if they want to do all those things or avoid all those things, that's cool, i never have a problem with that, but if they are pushing their views on me (like religions or politics), then i am out.

I always believed in harmony, take a step back and look at the big picture, ask myself "can i just smile and let it go without feeling awful?" if not, then i avoid her any way i can. delete her on fb (hell that's a must do in this day and age), unfollow her on pinterest (perhaps even start a new account?! LOL).

I agree, i found a way to block her on pinterest so she can't send me anymore warnings that my granite countertops are full of radiation lol
Well hongkong chick, you were my bump buddy with the same due date. I just got back from the nauchal translucency test and my baby died at 8 weeks. I wish you a smooth pregnancy & delivery!

 

[Ckelley]

I agree, i found a way to block her on pinterest so she can't send me anymore warnings that my granite countertops are full of radiation lol
Well hongkong chick, you were my bump buddy with the same due date. I just got back from the nauchal translucency test and my baby died at 8 weeks. I wish you a smooth pregnancy & delivery!

I sorry for your loss.

 

[Misscalais]

Does she put a gas mask on the poor kid when walking down the street too, cause you know you don't want the car fumes to be breathed in.
I'm all for trying to keep nasties away from our kids but she sounds OTT by far in my opinion.
I'd just stop talking to her personally if you're not able to speak with her about the issues.

 

[2have4kids]

I do need to stop talking to her for a long time. I think with her second child just arriving she won't be able to continue the crazy controlling behaviour for long. Something's got to give. I wanted her to have a third child, I think that would totally cure the control issues!

 

[hongkongchick]

I agree, i found a way to block her on pinterest so she can't send me anymore warnings that my granite countertops are full of radiation lol
Well hongkong chick, you were my bump buddy with the same due date. I just got back from the nauchal translucency test and my baby died at 8 weeks. I wish you a smooth pregnancy & delivery!

oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart aches with you.

I actually just came back from my first appointment, and we heard the baby's heartbeat, a strong one, and now i know that you are sending good thoughts and i am sure my baby knows!

 

[Dinah93]

I'm really sorry your baby wasn't to be, especially after waiting for them to come along for so long.

I'm betting she's read this and got her knickers in a twist. I do find it a very odd situation that she's all for getting rid of her ceramic plates, but keeps disposable nappies which are FILLED with chemicals which enable them to actually absorb the wee and keep baby dry. I'm not against disposables, we use them exclusively in fact, but a very quick google shows the huge list of chemicals in them and the potential negative impact of those chemicals. What I do think is interesting though is that she is instantly equating the existence of a chemical with a reaction with the body, where many chemicals would need to be ingested and over a hugely long time before they had any impact.