A Male Perspective on LTTTC

[Pinkys Brain]

I can't speak for all men obviously but because there are so few on here, I just wanted to air some thoughts.

My wife and I first started TTC a couple of months before we got married. I can remember standing at the bus stop outside of college thinking "When we get home, I'm gonna get you good and pregnant" after a discussion that culminated in the decision.

That was over three years ago and in that time we have had no BFP.

For the first 18 months, we tried naturally along with a few home remedies before moving onto the whole ICSI stuff we're doing now. Everytime my wife got her AF, I was crushed inside. But I nodded my head, held her tight and told her we'd keep trying.

I read sometimes that some women think men are insensitive or show a lack of care to their partner who is grieving over another BFN and while I can't speak for men in general, for me, that's simply not true.

For my wife, her AF is her most emotional period. (No pun intended!) If I were to tell her how I was really feeling, that I wanted to crawl under the quilt covers and cry, then we'd both completely fall apart and we'd have no baby that way either.

In the three years we've been trying, I have made that expression and offered that sympathy and empathy to my wife every month. And it never hurts any less.

So, I guess I just want to say, I do my best to keep my chin up, hoping that one day, we're gonna see that BFP that results in a lil Whovian joining us in our Tardis!

Back to your regular scheduled programming ladies. Oooh look, Jezza is on...

 

[azzie]

PB

There's plenty of stereotype on how guys deal with these things, those sterotypes drive me nuts. Also, I find it disheartening that more don't join these forums to chat things over. It's almost better than chatting down the pub, as you're pretty much anonymous!

Our story is that I'm the problem kid in the child production game, but even as the 'victim' I'm more concerned with my girlfriend & what my problem is going to put her through in regards to IVF and possible donor. The way I see it is that my options are what they are, extremely limited, hers however are not. She is sticking by me even though her dreams of what was to be 'ideal' are pretty much in pieces. (I'm projecting that assumption, it's not been said).

It's only been a month or so since I found out that I was the issue and that issue is pretty bloody serious - I struggle to remember how buoyant and optimistic I was before that date; but my girlfriend remains stoic and pretty much unfazed. So much of our relationship before has been about me thinking I was the one carrying all the burden and being the tough guy for us..... things like this really bring into perspective who really does hold the patience and strength in things that are so important. She is now my rock every bit as much as I am hers.

Hats off to everyone involved in this journey - from what I've seen the people who say 'I can't deal with this, I'm off' are very few and far between - this gives me faith in modern relationships that, to be blunt, I lacked before.

 

[SweetPea3200]

I can't speak for all men obviously but because there are so few on here, I just wanted to air some thoughts.

My wife and I first started TTC a couple of months before we got married. I can remember standing at the bus stop outside of college thinking "When we get home, I'm gonna get you good and pregnant" after a discussion that culminated in the decision.

That was over three years ago and in that time we have had no BFP.

For the first 18 months, we tried naturally along with a few home remedies before moving onto the whole ICSI stuff we're doing now. Everytime my wife got her AF, I was crushed inside. But I nodded my head, held her tight and told her we'd keep trying.

I read sometimes that some women think men are insensitive or show a lack of care to their partner who is grieving over another BFN and while I can't speak for men in general, for me, that's simply not true.

For my wife, her AF is her most emotional period. (No pun intended!) If I were to tell her how I was really feeling, that I wanted to crawl under the quilt covers and cry, then we'd both completely fall apart and we'd have no baby that way either.

In the three years we've been trying, I have made that expression and offered that sympathy and empathy to my wife every month. And it never hurts any less.

So, I guess I just want to say, I do my best to keep my chin up, hoping that one day, we're gonna see that BFP that results in a lil Whovian joining us in our Tardis!

Back to your regular scheduled programming ladies. Oooh look, Jezza is on...

This was great. Thanks for sharing! I especially like the part about a Whovian. I'm hoping for one as well

 

[boobear2872]

We are also hoping for a Whovian. Btw, My boyfriend is my Rock but I did wonder how he felt each month when trying amounted to nothing. Thank you for sharing that.

 

[deafgal01]

thanks for sharing that. I often wonder how my husband feels sometimes when we've been trying for a while and it was hard on him and me both (especially after the IUI and stuff).