Absolutely devastated...

[lolita1990]

Hi ladies. I gave birth to my son on Thursday 23rd and whilst in hospital they didn't weigh him again after his initial weight was taken at birth.

I had been trying to breastfeed him as it's something I've always longed for. Ivr got inverted/ flat nipples but i just thought that my body would figure out what to do once the baby required feeding. He wouldn't latch at all despite us both doing all the correct things (my positioning, skin to skin before feeds, his routing around for the boob). He was weighed this morning when the midwife came to visit me at home and it turns out he had a 14% reduction in weight. I was devastated as all the midwives in hospital kept telling me just to continue at breast feeding, it would come soon and that many babies don't get the hang of it until day 5 or 6. I was hand expressing and feeding him that through a syringe but I had no idea that it wouldn't be enough.

Anyway, we're back in hospital as he's dehydrated. I got such a fright that I've been completely put off BFing him and I'm trying to express my milk and feed him it in a bottle but as I sit here just now I know I won't be able to physically and emotionally keep up this pumping business so it looks like I'm on my way over to FF. My baby just needs fed and hydrated and I'm not allowing this to hurt my pride any longer, it's about the baby.

Just needed to get this off my chest. I am devastated and I probably could give BFing another try but Bobby and I are getting distressed! Who'd have thought feeding could be so stressful! x

 

[greenbeans12]

Awe hun, I am really sorry! Is it possible to both breast feed and formula feed?

 

[Lady H]

I know how you feel. Mine got jaundice as I was not feeding enough and now I'm crying 24/7 with pumping and trying to feed. We are on day 18 and I'm about to phase in Ff for her. I feel such a failure but she just won't latch properly.

I hope everything works out for you, xxxx

 

[MindUtopia]

If you want to BF, keep at it. All babies lose weight at birth. It's normal. Yes, they'll try to freak you out about it, but it's unnecessary as long as he's otherwise healthy. I had the exact same thing happen to me. I could have written this myself in fact! I got NO support at all for breastfeeding. I had a home birth and the midwives left me without even helping me get my daughter latched. Needless to say, she didn't latch at all until some nice nurse in SCBU (we ended up going into hospital after 2 days) helped us 6 days later. In retrospect (my daughter is now 3.5 months and 100% on formula after 10 very difficult weeks of BF, recurring mastitis and an allergic reaction that took most of the skin off my breasts), I wish I'd told those midwives and nurses where they could go when they tried to pressure us into using formula and panic me about 'dehydration'.

Babies stomachs are very, very small at first. They don't need more than you can express for them. They certainly don't need massive quantities of formula and in the long run (if it's what you want to do), it's better to lose a bit of weight now and have breast milk than to get fattened up early on but lose out on all the benefits of breastfeeding. Now, if you don't want to BF, then that's one thing. But if you do, keep at it. Get help. LOTS of help. Drive them nuts buzzing them to come help you at every feed. Ask to see the BF counselor. If she isn't helpful, ask to see another.

I regret so much that I didn't know I could tell them I wasn't going to do what they wanted me to do and that I could have gotten more help than they offered (which was pretty much none). I did manage to exclusively BF for 8 weeks and express for another 2 after that, but those early days really screwed me over as far as supply and because my daughter couldn't latch and no one helped us, I got recurring mastitis for 8 weeks. Being feverish and having chills and passing out while trying to care for and feed a newborn baby is awful. But it doesn't have to be that hard! You can do it if you want! Just be a bitch about getting help if that's what you need. Do the best you can and, most importantly, enjoy your baby. Those early days go so quickly and they shouldn't be spent being upset or worried. Breast milk is best and breastfeeding is a wonderful thing to do. But enjoying your baby and feeling good about what you're doing is more important. If you do decide to stick to formula, it's okay. It's not what you want (it's not what I wanted), but it's also not the worst thing in the world either. You're doing a great job.

 

[Blondey2012]

Oh hun this is exactly the same me. My daughter is 10 days old now but at 5 days she had lost 17.5% and we were back in hospital for 3 days. I was trying to express like crazy during the nights in hospital but nothing and it was so time consuming. I am so disspointed in the system the NHS has in place for breastfeeding and i am totally gutted that we are now on formula but the main thing is that baby is happyand healthy.

 

[flamingpanda]

You don't have to switch. However what I would say is if you are struggling and you feel you've personally reached the end of the road with it, then switch. They are only that tiny once and if breastfeeding is the most important thing in the world to you then you can make it work. If you don't want the early memories to be just "making it work" then that would be when I'd advise to try formula.

For me Hadley just refused to latch. We'd battle to get her on, she'd suck and then done. Off again. Like you we have the syringe which the MW's all made out would be plenty. It wasn't for my 9lb girl and she lost 9% of her birth weight by day 5, by day 7 she'd failed to gain any but remained the same and so we were told to supplement or it was the hospital for us. By that point I'd just had enough. I'd spent the first week of her life in tears and feeling like I'd starved her. Even now I'm so angry with myself for not spending more time just being over the moon (as I should have been). 6 months down the road I've let a lot of it go but I do sometimes get quite upset about breastfeeding if I think about it long enough. The way I see it now is that it was my loss that I mourned and Hadley is doing just fine on her formula. Hitting those milestones and growing big and strong. So if I feel sad sometimes that's ok, I feel I made the right choice for our family and my baby.

Do what is right for YOU. Ignore everyone else, just look deep inside and the answer should be there. Whatever you decide, good luck and you're welcome here for a chat either way!

 

[mrsbeano]

There are other support groups out there if you want help to continue BFing. Surestart centres, NCT baby groups often have a lactation consultant, La Leche etc.

Formula is fine to feed your baby and if its making you unhappy to BF then don't feel bad for switching. Just try to be sure before you switch as its a hard decision to go back on.

 

[cupcaker]

I'm not allowing this to hurt my pride any longer, it's about the baby.

Sorry to hear of your experience but I agree with your above statement. I breastfed for 6 weeks and the entire time was absolute agony with no improvement in sight. I tried everything, and NOTHING improved, other things happened along the way like he had his tongue tie snipped, but literally everything i tried failed and each feed was just an anxious and horrid experience really. I feared eventually he would begin picking up on this. Up to week 8 I combi fed, expressing milk, but what a time consuming thing it was. I was however willing to do this, until breastmilk started getting 'wasted' when it was heated and he didn't take the full bottle for example. I'm into week 9 and he's onto just formula now. We are both happy, he gains weight brilliantly and the switch was smooth for him (possibly helped by doing it very gradually).

I have worked through the guilt (almost) and although I get pangs where I wish I could have continued breastfeeding, the benefits of formula feeding now are outstanding for me personally. I'm so much happier, he seems much more satisfied after a feed, he seems happier and far less fussy, family members enjoy feeding him etc. It was the right change for me. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't read so much (including things on this forum to be honest) I wouldn't have felt quite so guilty. There's so much pressure with breast feeding and when you can't do it through no fault of your own, it can be quite distressing. When someone formula feeds it doesn't mean they are ignorant to the benefits of breast feeding, I'm certainly not. I still feel uncomfortable purchasing the milk when in shops, feel like I will be judged.

 

[flamingpanda]

I'm not allowing this to hurt my pride any longer, it's about the baby.

I sometimes wonder if I hadn't read so much (including things on this forum to be honest) I wouldn't have felt quite so guilty. There's so much pressure with breast feeding and when you can't do it through no fault of your own, it can be quite distressing.

This exactly. I find the real world is actually a lot more accepting of formula (NHS hospitals aside). I think once I got over the guilt in my head I was over buying it in public, it was a wall I'd constructed myself, no one really cares.

It really helped going to a local mums group where I found so many people had struggled in the same way I had. There were 7 mums attending and by week 5 only 2 of them were still BFing, they both say the reason they do is because they found it easy from the start. It was good to talk to other mums who were carrying the same guilt and see that my experience in hospital wasn't unique. It was also good to hear the HV reassure us rather than lecture us. She was super nice and I think that helped us all feel comfortable. I'd been so scared that the first session I would be the only one with a bottle and when I used it the whole group would tut at me and shun me. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Now I'm in a place where I actually think I'd probably just FF from the start next time. It fits around our lives really well, Hadley's thrived on it and it's given me the mental freedom to stay strong and healthy (something that was a real concern for me after the birth). One size doesn't fit all with parenting, and I hope some of you new mums are able to let go of that guilt soon. You have no reason to feel guilt for nourishing and caring for your babies.

 

[easyrhumba]

Dont feel bad! I would just try to keep pumping a build up a stash while formula feeding your baby. Maybe in the end you could stop formula feeding all together. Some bm is better than none at all. Even if the pumping doesnt work you tried and thats all you can do! Your baby wont be mad I promise!

 

[cem130]

I tried and tried for a week before I put him on formula. He was hungry, he was losing too much weight, jaundiced, he'd cry and cry until he passed out from the hunger. I was either trying to feed or hooked up to a pump for 20 hours a day. Putting him on the bottle allowed me to finally bond with and enjoy him. Yeah, I could have probably made it work, but it was sooo stressful. Tried pumping but it took too long. I want to spend my waking hours with my baby, not a machine. Yeah, I felt guilty, but I gave it a try, and I'm comfortable bottle feeding. Luckily, in my area, no one gives a hoot enough to approach you on the street about how you feed, and I haven't had anyone make me feel guilty. Even my breastfeeding friends understand. We actually get jealous of each other (I get jealous that they don't have to go to the kitchen at night or feed with both hands, they get jealous that their husbands can't do a night shift like mine does...)

Someone once told me, if you look at a group of first graders, you really can't tell which were breastfed. So true...

Yes, breast is best, but a mentally stable, calm mother is more important, I think.

 

[J04NN4]

Oh hon

The same exact thing happened to me, he just wouldn't latch, I tried everything. I exclusively pumped for a month and then combi fed until 4.5 months. It may be controversial and breast is best and blah blah blah but you know what? I regret it. I wish I had spent that time with him rather than attached to a damn machine, feeling like a failure. That is time that I can never get back. I say set yourself a deadline - I kept trying to establish breastfeeding (and pumping to keep my supply just in case he decided he was going to do it) for 6 weeks. Once I got to that point and he still wasn't doing it I stopped (I stopped trying to get him to latch I mean, I pumped a couple of times a day for a good while after). I was driving myself mad. In a way I'm glad I did it as I can never say that I didn't give it a hell of a good shot but it just wasn't happening and I wish I hadn't beaten myself up about it so much. I know exactly how you're feeling and I'm still not totally at peace with the fact I couldn't breastfeed but honestly, he was happier, I was happier and everything was so much more enjoyable once I gave in and put him on formula. As long as your baby is fed and full that really is all that matters

 

[cupcaker]

Oh hon

The same exact thing happened to me, he just wouldn't latch, I tried everything. I exclusively pumped for a month and then combi fed until 4.5 months. It may be controversial and breast is best and blah blah blah but you know what? I regret it. I wish I had spent that time with him rather than attached to a damn machine, feeling like a failure. That is time that I can never get back. I say set yourself a deadline - I kept trying to establish breastfeeding (and pumping to keep my supply just in case he decided he was going to do it) for 6 weeks. Once I got to that point and he still wasn't doing it I stopped (I stopped trying to get him to latch I mean, I pumped a couple of times a day for a good while after). I was driving myself mad. In a way I'm glad I did it as I can never say that I didn't give it a hell of a good shot but it just wasn't happening and I wish I hadn't beaten myself up about it so much. I know exactly how you're feeling and I'm still not totally at peace with the fact I couldn't breastfeed but honestly, he was happier, I was happier and everything was so much more enjoyable once I gave in and put him on formula. As long as your baby is fed and full that really is all that matters

Wow what a lovely post...I know I am hijacking the thread, but that was bringing a tear to my eye when you metioned spending time with the LO rather than pumping and faffing about. You've just made me even happier about my decision to swap...it's so hard with this breast is best pressure (and the fact it is a 'fact'... breastfeeding is better no question....makes you feel totally crap). Bottle feeding my son is in short, bloody lovely. I'm not stressed, he's not stressed, and there is NO WAY my baby is less bonded than if I carried on. Infact, I bet we would be far from bonded if I had pushed to continue as a stressed out, anxious and constantly in pain mother. I have a gorgeous, well behaved little 9 week old who smiles as wide as the sea when with me...nobody can tell me I screwed up.

 

[J04NN4]

Oh hon

The same exact thing happened to me, he just wouldn't latch, I tried everything. I exclusively pumped for a month and then combi fed until 4.5 months. It may be controversial and breast is best and blah blah blah but you know what? I regret it. I wish I had spent that time with him rather than attached to a damn machine, feeling like a failure. That is time that I can never get back. I say set yourself a deadline - I kept trying to establish breastfeeding (and pumping to keep my supply just in case he decided he was going to do it) for 6 weeks. Once I got to that point and he still wasn't doing it I stopped (I stopped trying to get him to latch I mean, I pumped a couple of times a day for a good while after). I was driving myself mad. In a way I'm glad I did it as I can never say that I didn't give it a hell of a good shot but it just wasn't happening and I wish I hadn't beaten myself up about it so much. I know exactly how you're feeling and I'm still not totally at peace with the fact I couldn't breastfeed but honestly, he was happier, I was happier and everything was so much more enjoyable once I gave in and put him on formula. As long as your baby is fed and full that really is all that matters

Wow what a lovely post...I know I am hijacking the thread, but that was bringing a tear to my eye when you metioned spending time with the LO rather than pumping and faffing about. You've just made me even happier about my decision to swap...it's so hard with this breast is best pressure (and the fact it is a 'fact'... breastfeeding is better no question....makes you feel totally crap). Bottle feeding my son is in short, bloody lovely. I'm not stressed, he's not stressed, and there is NO WAY my baby is less bonded than if I carried on. Infact, I bet we would be far from bonded if I had pushed to continue as a stressed out, anxious and constantly in pain mother. I have a gorgeous, well behaved little 9 week old who smiles as wide as the sea when with me...nobody can tell me I screwed up.

I think you are probably right. I struggled to bond with my son because of the breastfeeding issues. I haven't spoken about this all that much as it's still quite raw but I dreaded every feed, I actually resented him for making it so hard as I couldn't work out what I was doing wrong, he just would never latch. (Incidentally he was eventually diagnosed with silent reflux - I guess I'll never know if this caused our problems but I refuse to believe it's pure coincidence). I resented my husband for getting all the cuddles when I tried to breastfeed, failed at breastfeeding, pumped, and repeat. I was exhausted as I pumped every 3-4 hours for a month, as well as doing everything I could for my LO as I missed him and didn't want to leave everything to OH. I drove myself to the absolute brink, I really did. In the end my midwife said to me 'there is more to motherhood than breastmilk' and I realised how stupid I was being. She was so right and my son was suffering because of my perseverance. I'd like to say no regrets but I still wish things had been different - but under the circumstances I don't see what else I could have done.

Edit: sorry for the epic post, it's just this issue strikes such a chord with me and I hope my point of view can help as I'm a few more months down the line

 

[Lady H]

Jo4nn4 that has helped me. I've reached crisis point and what you say is totally how it is for me. I'm not being a mummy I'm a dairy Cow. That has to stop now so Hannah has a mummy who loves to spend time with her, no chained to a pump or trying to talk calmly to her whilst trying to latch, when I'm really resisting to urge to grab her ands that get I. The way Nd shout at her.

 

[lolita1990]

Ladies, this is the first time I've been able to catch up on this thread, what with having a a newborn to look after and all that and I can honestly say I've got tears in my eyes from reading your lovely, supportive posts!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Just an update on Bobby and I. We made the decision to formula feed whilst still in the hospital. He's been on formula for 10 days and we've never been happier. I can spend time with him instead of attached to the pump, we've had some wonderful days out to Edinburgh and to family barbecues ( we have to make the most of the nice weather in Scotland ) and we wouldn't have been able to do that if I'd have been constantly hooked up to the pump! Daddy has also felt more involved as he can feed Bobby too which couldn't have happened if I were breastfeeding.

I'm more than happy with my decision. It's so so hard making that move and every now and then I do get a pang of guilt but ultimately it was best for us in terms if getting my son hydrated and back to his birth weight.

Thank you all again. I'm overwhelmed by the support in this thread!!!

 

[J04NN4]

LadyH - I shouted at my son too, and held his flappy hands out of the way. I felt like I couldn't cope and that I hated him. It is still painful to talk about. It was such a rough time. Don't be too hard on yourself PM me if you like, I have been where you are

Lolita - I am so glad to hear you have made a decision you are happy with It sounds like you are doing just great. Daddy being able to help is definitely an enormous pro to formula feeding I have felt a lot of guilt too, I still do sometimes, but actually I feel more guilt for the way I acted towards my son at the height of the breastfeeding stresses. He's much better off this way.

 

[detterose]

LadyH - I shouted at my son too, and held his flappy hands out of the way. I felt like I couldn't cope and that I hated him. It is still painful to talk about. It was such a rough time. Don't be too hard on yourself PM me if you like, I have been where you are

Lolita - I am so glad to hear you have made a decision you are happy with It sounds like you are doing just great. Daddy being able to help is definitely an enormous pro to formula feeding I have felt a lot of guilt too, I still do sometimes, but actually I feel more guilt for the way I acted towards my son at the height of the breastfeeding stresses. He's much better off this way.

That sounds exactly how I was! But because of the pressure the hospital put on me about breastfeeding being best, I kept pushing myself to keep on trying and making myself miserable and not enjoying the time I had with LO. I was just frustrated with him for not going on! He's now 19 weeks old tomorrow, beautiful, full of personality, hitting his milestones and most of all healthy. And he is on FORMULA. As long as your bubba is happy, loved and has a full belly, it doesn't matter. xxx

 

[tristansmum]

My first was ff fed from day 4. Long story but due to a bad latch I had sever nipple trauma and pink bloody milk. The pain was horrific and I hated him when he fed. So much guilt to make that switch to formula but such a relief when we did. He is now a perfectly healthy, happy and very advanced 2 year old.
This time I'm on day 14 of bf. It's going better than last time but I'm literally taking each day as it comes. I kinda want to stop cause its such hard work but that guilt is still there. I feel that my eldest is missing out because I spend all day with baby attached to my boobs