"Abuse" by me to the ex whilst pregnant..HELP?

[Linzi765]

Ok so this is going to be a little embarrassing. so my ex and i broke up 9 weeks ago now. He has said i was "abusive " during my pregnancy. the thing is im really worried that he is going to use my emails since breaking up against me in court . I need to be honest with what happned during the pregnancy.

1) i threw a shoe off him as he was packin his stuff up and leaving me
2) he had been messaging other girls and i hit him on the back as we fought over the ipad
3) i stamped on 2 of his DVDs as he was leaving and hit him in the chest once more
4) was insanely jealous and asked him not to go to his xmas party because he had mentioned attractive women at work and i felt so insecure

since breaking up I have sent SOO many emails being pretty bunny boiler ish, calling him selfish, arsehole, n a million other names
because I was so hurt he left me.....i know you should never hit anyone but pregnancy made me crazy! please say one of you had a hard time during your pregnancy. i had never done anything like that before.

He used to hide his phone from me and i gues it just made me so crazy and paranoid.

What do you think would happen in a court case if he said i am violent and abusive ? do you think they would take the baby from me?! or give him more access than usual? I am so scared. I would never ever in a million years hurt my baby, or have ever bee violent . but my emails seem so aggressive (not threatening, just bitter, not denying access or anything just name calling him selfish and he doesnt care etc etc)

I am soooooo scared that I am gonna look like a mad woman.

One time he grabbed me and i fell to the floor and he shook me (whilst 6 months pregnant) totally unprovoked . I called the police and there is a log.

I guess I need my solicitor on board of course, I did speak to her about this and she said not to worry. But i just cant help it. God knows what hes going to say....he talks like im a monster but it honestly wasnt like i beat him..arrghh????

anyone? maybe its just me on my own being all crazy ha x

 

[moomin_troll]

If my oh had been chatting to other girls, he'd get more then a punch in the back!
Are ur emails to him that bad?
Because yeah I'm sure he will use what ever he can.

When pregnant with my first his dad was home 2 hours late and his phone was off. I trapped his fingers in a window when he tried to get in and broke a finger hahaha
I think seen as ur emails weren't nice but u were pregnant scared and hurt. I wouldn't have been nice myself.

I keep accidentally posting before I've finished the post lol

Take ur solicitors word, it will be ok

 

[Linzi765]

I dont think they are that bad, there just a bit relentless ... going on and on. Then i think of something else to say. So he probably gets about 2-3 emails to his one email to me.I am really trying to not have any contact at all so I can try and reclaim some dignity.

It just hurts a lot, I am very much hoping when we go to court the judge will see me as being alone,scared and pregnant rather than a crazy person. As i said its just stuff like (just having a look thru now) how did i end up with such a selfish loser like you,when are going to stop acting like a selfish knob head,your a selfish prat that would rather party than ask how me and baby are doing..... stuff like that. But i guess im just very repetitive with it.
He says I have anger issues and "need help" but i honestly dont think that at all, he proposed to me one month before being pregnant after a year together so if he thought i needed help he wouldnt have proposed. Just the pregnancy make me really jealous n insecure cos i felt so unattractive , n it made me act like a total idiot. But he said pregnancy isnt an excuse .

The way I see it, people argue and shit happens. Im not saying its ok to hit someone but a pregnant lady throwing a shoe and hitting him as he was leaving her...surely doesnt make me a monster.

I have 4 weeks of the pregnancy left, and it hurts me evryday to think he left me 5 days before xmas n to give birth alone, hoping the judge will take that into account for my silly emails.

xx

 

[cookette]

If you have a police report of him laying hands on you, I'd say ya'll are pretty equal on the less-than-stellar record...hope you guys can learn to get along for the sake of the baby. Be honest with your lawyer so they know what could be coming. Good luck!

 

[Linzi765]

Yeah, im so glad I went to the police that time. Im just worried he is going to make what happened sound worse. Altho there would be no proof of this. I have said in my emails about throwing the shoe and the dvds, so its not like i can deny these things.

i will defo be upfront with my solicitor. I am hoping that when he comes to see the baby he starts being a bit more respectful towards me and what ive been through. Or i guess it could go the other way n he will try ANYTHING at all to get more access with her.

i really do want us to be able to get along, but its going to take me time to stop being bitter about being left during the pregnancy.Im hoping that when my little girl arrives, it helps me feel less lonely and not care if hes partying every weekend. It just hurts me right now because I know hes been out drinking lots and I feel like ive made all the sacrifices for her and hes just washed him hands of me and never asks if im ok or if he could help in anyway,

do you guys think that when my girl is here, ill be any less bitter about being on my own? or the fact he moved on so quickly?

x

 

[Dezireey]

This is more or less how I reacted with my FOB but I never got physical with him, just sent tons of nasty e-mails and texts, especially as time went by and I kept finding out stuff about him ( e.g was with him for 3 years and never knew he had a child, he decided to tell me this when I was pregnant but that the child died age 5 and he looked after him cos the Mother left them, roll on six months and I contact CSA and find out this child is actually alive and with its Mother??? )

So when I go ballistic on him he blames me, says I am crazy, have anger problems etc etc. He has threatened to show authorities my e-mails but to be honest I dont care because all it shows is an angry, upset woman with every reason in the world to be that volatile about a man leaving her when she is pregnant.

Now in my case most of my anger ( stopped communucation months ago) was directed at getting child support off him as he just ignored CSA.

My advice to you is never contact him again in any way, shape or form and the courts can see that this was a justified period of time where you were hormonal, upset and devastated by his treatment of you - its no joke being left whilst pregnant, most women would be angry as hell so dont sweat it. If you were to continue harassing him for years and years then that would be a problem so just dont do anything more from now on.

A court will look at how you behave with your baby, they wont think ' oh she must be violent because of the way she behaved when her ex left her.

So put that in the past hun, dont worry about it and make sure that in future, especially around baby you just behave as a new mum should, with lots of love.

Let him make threats to you,my ex did that, they are cowards and emotional abusers, throwing blame back at you is their way of justifying their actions, ignore him.

 

[daneuse27]

I think if you have proof that he's been partying often during this time, definitely get the proof and bring it up in court. And if you can prove that you've been leading a healthy lifestyle in preparation for baby, that would make it even better. It shows that he isn't there for you or taking this time seriously but you are.
And yes, definitely get that proof if the police incident; that was violence and he will lose out big time for that.

I wonder if he was manipulating you fir some of that time to drive you crazy so you'd write abusive emails. Be sure to stress how hurt, alone and scared and BETRAYED you were. He walked out on you and was unfaithful while you were pregnant, that's not what a good father does.

I hope the courts see this for what it is.