Abusive ex-pls help

[newmummytobe]

Hi all, I split up with my partner 3months ago and moved out of his house after him being mentally abusive for years. The day I left he turned violent and the police were called. We have a 3 yr old son. He is currently not working and so I have agreed that he can have our son for half the week but it is ending up that he is having him 4 nights a week and I am having him 3 nights. Every time I try to speak about the subject he gets really angry and says this is all my fault for leaving and to be hoest I am scared to take it any further with him. I have been to a solicitors and they will charge £200 for a letter re access - I don't have that money and am not entitled to legal aid. I just don't know what to do. He is now asking for half of child tax credits etc as he is having him for half a week but that money pays for his child care which I pay for. I feel like I am loosing my son and there is nothing I can do about it be ause I am frightened of him. Has anyone been in this situation or have any advice please? He is not a reasonable man so speaking to him is not really an option. Thanks in advance xx

 

[Mummy1995]

Can you not just not give your son to him? Like agree agree to give him over on a Monday and pick him up on a Wednesday? Or just say to him, I understand your worry my ex hit me.. but bring it up, if he lays a finger on you then call the police, I wouldn't be happy leaving my child alone with someone who had put their hands on me hun.

I hope you can sort something out xx

 

[newmummytobe]

Thanks for your reply. I have tried to do this and say I will pick him up at a certain day/time but he just gets so angry. Today he was calling me an f***ing slag outside his house and I do t want that so I just walk away. He is very controlling and I feel like I can't ever win with him, he just says its all my fault
T so I have to live with the consequences. I could never not give my son back either as I just don't know what he would do. I am just at my wits end with him and don't know what to do xxxx

 

[Zondon]

Ok first of all, I'm so sorry you're going through all this... It sounds like a really difficult situation to be in....

That said, you sound really genuinely afraid of your ex and what he might do to you. That, in my book at least, means he should not be alone with a demanding child (and I'm not saying your son is demanding just that children are generally speaking) as any man with a short fuse and a history of physical and/or mental abuse just cannot be trusted not to lose it in such situations....

I get that you're frightened of this man, but you are also your son's advocate and your son's protector. Confronting him sounds like a really bad idea you're right. However allowing the situation to continue as it is and allowing him to keep bullying you also sounds like a really bad idea.... Have you tried contacting the national domestic violence helpline? Social services in your area? Women's Aid? Honestly there are a lot of people out there who have spent years of their lives training so they can help people figure out how best to deal with situations like this... These groups may even have specialised legal advice for you and/or advice on how to find a solicitor willing to charge less or even take a case like this pro bono....

I hope you and your son are and remain safe....!

Zondon

 

[Dezireey]

I am sorry you are going through this sweetie

Don't despair. It is highly unlikely you will lose your son to him, so don't start thinking like that. Do you have any evidence whatsoever of his violence towards you or others? Does he have a police record?

If you seriously wish to have the upper hand and get this man off your back then you need to collect facts and data. If he sends you an abusive text, keep it. If he threatens you record the conversation word for word with date and time etc. If you can communicate via e-mail even better.

It is in your child's best interests to only have supervised access with a potentially violent father. That, in my opinion is what a Mother should be entitled to do to protect her child. If this man is what you say he is, abusive and violent, I would not want my child alone with him,ever. Children can test even calm people at the best of times, so it is unadvisable for a child to be around a volatile person as they don't understand when they push the wrong buttons and these types of people fly off the handle at the smallest things ( as I guess you are aware of)

How about social services? Local police etc etc.

Don't let this man bully you hun. Xx

 

[emalou90]

Keep him with you.
Dont let your little boy be with someone who is violent/abusive.
you cant trust that.
get some advice from citizens advice x

 

[Livebythesea]

I agree to please speak to your local or national domestic violence agency. There may be free services you can get to help you. Hoping things are better very soon.

 

[Mummy1995]

I thought you were entitled to legal aid if domestic violence was occurring...x