advice after recent break up please help!

[boostaffa]

Hi all i really need some advice its Gona be a long story but just need some advice please.
So i have a son of 2 was with FOB for nearly 4 years, was quite a rocky relationship as he has a lo from previous relationship and his ex caused problems (but now he thinks she's great lol). Right so since lo was born i basically have raised him on my own fob was not around much. So we drifted apart and ex old me couple of weeks ago told me he don't love me. Im not perfect but hes treated me like crap. So basically he wanted lo Saturday afternoons. Only been one of them cuz ex is reliving his youth! So heard nothing at all this weekend. I havent heard anything and havent called him either prefure him not to be around. When hes not around he don't care but when we see him its like he's father of the year with rights etc but he does nothin and doesn't deserve lo in his life (obviously he don't think that) right so i don't know what to do with regards to him seeing lo and also i want my son to have my surname not his dads but i know his dad won't agree what do i do?

 

[Dezireey]

Not sure there is much you can do? Is the Father's name on the Birth Certificate? (I am assuming, yes, if you want to change your babies last name?). I think your son can maybe change it by deed poll himself when he is older but I have a feeling that you will need FOB's permission to get your son's surname changed and also you need FOB's permission to take him off birth cert for you to get any sole rights over your child. I am guessing, from what you have said, that your FOB is not going to do this.

Eventually your son will probably not want to spend time with someone who can't be bothered about them...does anyone want to spend time with a Father who doesn't give a shit? In time, things will improve.

My advice for now.....don't ever contact FOB, ever. Let him contact you and if he e.g contacts you last minute on a Saturday to say he wants to see his son that day, say 'sorry, you called too late, we are currently in a cinema/town/shops/whatever'.

He will soon learn that if he wants to play a part in his son's life, he needs to dance to your tune and your schedule and not the other way around. Just continue not to contact him for anything hun, I just wouldn't bother with him, period.

 

[Dream.dream]

To change his name unfortunately you'll most likely need his dads permission or go before a judge and give a good reason to change it and they often won't just ecause you guys broke up .

It might not be a popular idea around here but I believe it's important for kids to know their dad if they can so they can know where they and from and don't grow up feeling like they missed something or you kept them from their dad. I wouldn't run after him to try and get visits but if he wants to see the LO and there is no safety issues if let him, then if you ever had courts involved or he doesn't visit you can tell little one that you let him visit but he just didnt want to .

You'll probably find he'll run off on his own anyways. My sons dad has had inconsistent visits for years now , and now hasn't seen him at all in 4 months .