advice much appreciated...sorry its long!

[veganmum2be]

hi all, haven't posted on baby and bump for a lonnnnng time, but i'm after some advice

a little background...
baby was planned, babys dad left at 6 weeks pregnant and refused to be involved, no contact no nothing at all until march this year, i bumped into his sister on a night out and we talked and at that point i wanted them to be interested, she said that her and her mum wanted contact, but the babys father still definitely didn't, as time went on i decided that his dad shouldnt be in the picture for various reasons, but was happy for the rest of the family to be involved, they have seen him quite a few times, and now his dad has seen him 3 times after he suddenly got curious.

the first visit his mum brought him, the second i had to take him to a park near his house, the third again i had to go over his way and we were left waiting an hour for him to get there, when he did he turned up with a random person and his girlfriend without telling me.
his girlfriend is not in my good books (various reasons everyone seemes to know everyone in my life) shes young and in my opinion very immature and nasty and not someone i want around my child, both of them failed to introduce themselves, his dad just came over took him to play and left me to sit with them, they then went and joined in saying absolutely nothing to me the entire time. i'd not met either in person before.

hes made 4 payments, none of which i asked for, there was one time after he cancelled a visit i could make the next so he text very nasty argumentative texts about how i was stopping him from seeing him (im not, i'm busy but will fit in where i can as long as he puts effort in) saying i was using him to get money...and i never once asked for money, he decided to pay out of the blue without me even asking. he then stopped the money and will only pay it when he sees him.

if you made it this far, what im asking is
what would you do?
i'm not happy about this, i think his dads going to dissapear when hes bored.

i dont want his girlfriend around my child, but didnt know what to say knowing i would just get verbal abuse if i said anything.

if his dad doesnt see him, should his dads family?

they want to have him without me there...but theres no long standing bond? they dont understand what he says or wants or his routine?

any advice would be much appreciated!
i want whats best for him obviously, but i dont think hes going to gain from this family at all.

 

[juliep]

I would tell his dad that things are not working out and you want to agree some boundaries. If you can not agree I am sure there are mediation services around.

As for his family, I think it be good for him to know his family and after all your son is part of them too, but again come to arrangements you feel comfortable with

 

[Rhio92]

Tbh, your son is nearly 2, and he's only jsut interested, I'd make him see a solicitor. Oh, and got through CSA for money. That'll make him show whether he;s interested or not.
As for his family... That's a difficult one... Connor has always seen FOB's family even though he's not always bothered, but they've been great from the start. Maybe explain to them that they've got to build up a bond with him with you there first? And then if they stay and build a good bond, let them see him alone some time in the future? xx