Advice Needed-How soon is too soon to go back to work?

[Rairai]

Hi Ladies and Gents!
Ok, So i should start by saying im a bit of a compulsive planner... So I currently work for my inlaws in quite a high pressure job, I work through my lunch break and generally act as a PA for them. I would like to take the time to get to know my baby when he/she arrives, (we are going to ttc in July/Aug).
I feel a massive pressure to go back to work very quickly, I cant imagine them managing for any more than 2 weeks.
Thy have offered to build me a creche in a spare office, but im wondering, as a potential new mum, will i be able to go to work, (maybe 10am-5pm) and look after a newborn? I think I will want to be there when my baby cries, and not have to finish my phone call first? and then what about my housework? I cant really clean my house, go to work and look after a baby? They've also offered to hire a nanny, but I want to raise my kids myself. I know in many ways im very lucky, one to have a job that i can go back to when i want, pretty much on the hours i choose, but at the same time, i have a pressure on me to come back asap, I dont know what would be best? I feel sorry that they need me to be their PA, bt at the same time, things are more important! Your thoughts??
xxx

 

[womblemum]

I'm relatively sure that if you are in the UK your employer is not allowed to have you at work for at least 3 weeks after the birth. Even if it is a family company the business insurance would not cover you or them if they were in breach of this and anything happened to you.

I'm a very career minded person and was not particularly maternal but after having a CS and trying to gear shift my brain into baby and home things being a mum took a lot more out of me mentally than I had anticipated. Going back before 6 months would have been a challenge so the idea of only a couple of weeks would have probably made me keel over.

The only thing I would suggest really is to try and be open minded and not have anything set in stone until you see how you feel. If the pregnancy and/or birth has any difficulties (I had gestational diabetes then a CS for example) it will take you longer to recover even if you feel fine. In the case of a CS I think 3 months is a more likely minimum time off.

 

[Rairai]

thanks, I think I will just have to wait and see, Im hoping by then maybe I can train current employees to cover the majority of what I do. and then some things can be done from home. I am in the UK, I didnt know about the 3 week thing! I will look into that definately.

 

[babyblog]

I think it's depends on what yoh like doing- for me, having a baby was about being off of work for as long as poss as I wanted to be there with him everyday and do playgroups and coffee mornings, I had a year off of work and could easily have had longer.Plus- if your baby is waking throughout the night you may be so exhausted that work will be jus another pressure on you x

 

[Rairai]

I would like to do the coffee mornings and the playgroups and swimming and all that stuff... i think i will see whats 'on' in the area and propose a plan around that... i also feel the need to work... but babies are big work!! I just felt like I was being selfish by not being 120% appreciative of their offer when childcare is so expensive. But motherhood, and the choice of choosing to be a mother has been a long hard choice to make, one that hasnt been made without hours and hours of thought. And I want to do it right, as best I can. x

 

[Ruby x]

Hi, I went back to work after 6 weeks but only for a few keepin in touch days. You can work 10 full days and get paid in full while on mat leave. Ive done 8 so far, my baby is 5 months old and im going back when he is 6 months old. Im very career minded and ive missed out on quite a few promotions due to being off. I agree with the above I think the law on this is that you cannot return before 2-3 weeks, but as long as you qualify for SMP you get 90% pay for the first 6 weeks so just take it off!!

 

[RaspberryK]

I wouldn't go back before 6 months as a minimum, no way would I be able to work and take care of my baby nor would I want to.
X

 

[kdea547]

Hey, I went back when my LO was 11 weeks old and I would have killed for a few more months with her. But the first 6-8 weeks were beyond exhausting and I can't imagine working a full day on top of that. Can you go back just part time for a few weeks? Also, if they're offering to hire a nanny, maybe you could have one at work with you and LO to help fill in the gaps when you need to focus more attention on your work. That way, LO would be at arm's reach, but you'd still have help. Being a mom is a full-time job all on it's own, so your work might suffer if you're trying to work and care for a newborn at the same time.

 

[Rairai]

thank you for all your comments! I want to be a good mum, but I have put a lot into the business and I dont want to watch that go down the pan! I was thinking I would do one day a week IN the office, there will be things i can do from home, which i will take advantage of, im making a list of my every day duties and will ensure that my jobs are distributed amongst other staff... It will be hard for me to let go as im a bit of a workaholic, but being a good mum is more important for me than anything! My bossis my mother in law, and she wants more grandchildren so im sure she will work with me... but i also know she hates anyone having time off for anything... its the only thing about having a baby im nervous about! (and the giving birth bit) x

 

[Rairai]

I spoke to my boss a bit today, about a plan im working on to allocate my jobs and maybe work some from home. she just said. no. we are building you a creche. you are coming back to work.
we need to work i expect for the money side... but i feel like i have no choice...
not a happy face.
x

 

[RaspberryK]

Family business or not she can't do that. I would flatly refuse and find another job.
x

 

[Rairai]

im telling you i feel like it tonight!!! time will tell... but if it comes to it i would not b afraid to walk. I have put alot in to the business, but i also take a lot of stress... and being rich to me is not as important as being a good mum! i dont think she will let me go tbh, i think she will prob bend to my way of thinking! I need to really think this through... and then be strong!! i have a looooonnnggg time to work it out... 5 months til ttc, then a long wait til i meet my baby/babies... x
x

 

[aliss]

Unfortunately this is not something you can really plan.

For one, you don't know what kind of delivery you will have, if you will have any complications (ranging from physical to mental, baby blues, postnatal depression), you don't know if your baby will have any complications, what kind of baby you have (mine slept 2 hours a 24 hour period in the first month and was born with a fracture), you assume your baby won't cry 24/7 but some do and that will severely disrupt your brain and job

Me, I actually went back after a few weeks! Mine was such a nightmare newborn that I needed the time away. So it's definitely possible (I had a very difficult delivery but recovered quick). However, that was me and my baby. You could be different, some women need much more time. I guess I am just saying, do not commit and do not have unrealistic expectations because that is the #1 cause of mother burnout. If you do choose to go back that soon, I recommend proper babywearing which will make it easier for you to nurse/carry/soothe the baby while sitting at a desk/out & about.

 

[Rairai]

thanks aliss, I think you are spot on! I think I will plan for the 'worst' case, and hope that the best, or some medium happens! xxx