advice needed on keeping shithead no1 away ..

[DizzyMoo]

Hi ladies,

Can i just ask if any of you have any advice what to do here, Basically josh is now 4 & for the 1st 3 years of his life his dad was in & out of his life, Constantly arranged to pick him up but only showed up 1 out of 10 arrangements & that was either mega late or to say he couldn't have him! On the occasion he did actually take him he would go straight to the pub feed him bags of crisps, any pop he wanted & basically that was his food until he brought him home DRUNK!
He fed him anything but proper food, when he was at his house overnight he would never stick to stuff when i was nappy training so he either come back riddled in nappy rash,crying in pain which he never ever got with me, Or when nappyless he would put him back in nappies coz he couldn't be bothered to deal with the toiletting. He always chose his daughter over josh, cancelled joshs visits to see his daughter coz his ex said jump, he chain smoked infront of him. Then told him mummy had big tits despite us not being together & josh being just 3, Oh & then came the time he told him he had " big balls " .. i mean why would a dad tell his son at just turned age 3 that his " bollocks were big " as he also said!! Goes through page 3 to show him the ladies, slammed door in our faces when i turned up with fob & josh to drop him off, swears & screams at me infront of josh, gets drunk beyond words & starts hammering on my door granted not done this for a bit, shouted through letterbox, nearly broke windows in, slags me off to all & sundry. Rings csa to say hes given me money when he hasn't which in turn stops my income support for the week, this has been done on several occasions. Demanded to know what happened when josh went missing other wk, Apparently he'd been told he'd been abducted ..wasnt true but then had a go at me for not looking after him. When he thought i was going out or seeing someone he would never ever take josh, or if he did he'd start questioning josh who he was etc etc Ok i really could continue but im guessing you get the jist by now.

He's paid about 6mths worth of csa out of the 4yrs since josh was born, Owes thousands in money & just either job hops to not pay or stays on dole, he's been done for benefit fraud, got banned for 2 1/2 yrs for being nearly 4times the drink drive limit..is this the type of person i really want my son around...

Ok now he starts talking to my cousin on fb, doing odd favours for her like going shop at night if her girls are in bed, replying on her fb about him going out & getting pissed or buying new mobiles etc, now ive just read he's wrote " any news on joshs brother yet?????? let me know soon as .. ta "

I mean wtf has it got to do with him & why the hell is he asking about a baby not his? If he thinks he's turning up at my door yet again causing me hassle trying to be nice with a card i swear i'm gonna shove it where the sun has NEVER ever saw.
why dont he understand leave us alone? why does he try get in touch when skint? or when the latest bird has dumped him? & why is it when i say no you had your chances time & again does he then say " i know i know but i want to prove ive changed " this is the exact same line ive heard sooooooooo many times so how am i meant to believe him? I let josh go chance after chance & watched him cry for his daddy, I cant do that no more & especially now he's older he'd start asking questions why he hasn't turned up again

ok sorry for the long post ... what do i do? i need some advice here.
i really feel on my own with this one, no support from family although they agree with my decision, my cousin obviously talks to him but yet god forbid if i ever spoke to her girls dad or he did favours for me im sure she wouldnt be impressed Far as i know an injunction wont be allowed as none of it is serious enough, none is harrassment apparently.
Even one of his friends had a go at me other wk for not letting him see josh, even though he has no clue what so ever what his dad has done in the past so why do they get involved

Josh has come on leaps & bounds, speech, attitude, personality & learning . We are both much much happier & it shows.

I really find it hard just thinkin of letting him see him again & knowing 110% he'll let him down & then i gotta pick the pieces up again, & then knowing i shouldn't of let him go in the 1st place.. catch 22 no win for me or josh.

What would you do? is there anything legally i can do? Im feeling down again & really dont need this right now

 

[sweetlullaby]

Im not sure on what you can do but maybe going through court for access might help might not! then when he constantly messes up they might restrict the visits etc when they see the bad effects it is having on your son and you...tbh im not sure what you can do but couldn't read it and run

Your little boy is only 3 years of age but i bet years down the line it will be something he will remember and will probably ask him why he was such an asshole and constantly let him down type thing.

Others people are so blooming nosey and unfair they judge without knowing the full situation. Im due in a few weeks and the amount of s*** people have given me over what to do about FOB and contact etc has really hacked me off.

I hope something works out for you!! xx

 

[lou_w34]

Im not too sure either, as i think if it did go to court, he will get some kind of access granted, even if its supervised he will probably get it.

Can you not ask your cousin to please block him? and not get him to do favours for her? I think shes being kinda selfish in my opinion, your supposed to be her family, and i bet if you were doing the same to her she would have something to say about it.

That way he has less of a conection to you and josh, and he wont have anyone else to ask about yous.

Sorry that wasnt very much help

 

[hypnorm]

can't you tell cousin he is hassleing you and could they not pass on info to him or preferable block him.
it sounds like supervised visits would be bettter as he hasnt proved he can be trusted, esp if getting a drink drive ban.

 

[DizzyMoo]

sweetlullaby - he's 4 now hun lol I'd rather he didn't start in his life again to have that chance to hurt him again, I really don't think i could bare it. I don't want to be back down feeling so low knowing i'll of made the wrong decision & having to watch my son hurt for him again. I've told his dad sooo many times to go through the court for proper access so we both knew exact days & times of visits but he wouldn't, he " cant be arsed " (his words) or it would " cost him money " again his words. Nice to know he cant be arsed to spend his money on getting to see his son eh?.
He is now working & still wont inform csa, he is claiming he wants to give me £20 p/w , i've said fine but through the csa which i know he wont do because they will take more than £20 he isn't stupid where HIS money is concerned.
I couldnt trust him to do as i say with him, ie stay at his house & not go pub until he was trustworthy. He has been an alcoholic for well over 10 yrs he isn't going to change for josh .

lou_w34 - My cousin knows the situ with me & him so i didn't think she would speak to him, I dont expect to tell her who to spk to & who not but it would be nice to see her saying " dont involve me " kinda . I've tried hinting & asking why she even has him on facebook but she is only concerned with herself & knows if she doesn't have him on she wont get the little favours. I really do wish the courts would listen more to us mums & our concerns but they dont

 

[McLovin]

if you did go for supervised visits - he would HAVE to change, or by the sounds of it, it's possible he may have his "can't be arsed" attitude, and it'd be whitnessed through social services this time - which would be very very helpful if you feel the need to completely cut access for Josh's sake. I know it's the longer route to take - but it's best to do things by the book when it comes to these issues. Only you know what's best for your Josh, but the courts/social need to follow the law (which doesn't always work out best for us!)

Hope you manage to get the loser off your back soon x