Advice needed... please

[natthecat]

Hi All

Firstly, i'm so so sorry to hear of your losses!

I'm looking for some help/advice. My friend has 2 children already and had to have a tube removed in september due to an ectopic pregnancy. Needless to say, she was delighted to be told she was pregnant very recently and went for her first scan 3 weeks ago to chekc the baby was in the right place and it was. Howeever, she has been this morning for another scan (first chance to see their baby, only to be told there was no heartbeat.

Obviously she is devestated!

She was told that the baby was estimated to have stopped growing at 8 and 3. as yet she has had no bleed or anything.

She was told at the hospital to go home to wait to "pass" the baby. But was told she had a few days before she would have to go in to have a dnc?

She does not want to go through this in hospital, she wants to be at home and was wondering whether there was anything the doctor could do to help her "pass" the baby herself to avoid heart ache of doing it in a hospital.

Is there some form of tablet or injection etc that she can get?

Please excuse me if any of my phrasing upsets anyone, or if I appear ignorant in this thread.

Help me help her?!

thanks in advance for your help!

 

[Orange lady]

As far as I know some hospitals do offer a tablet that brings on the miscarriage. but not all hospitals offer it, I don't think it's very nice.
I had a missed miscarriage at 8+3 like your friend and went in to have ERPC (D&C). It was a day case and I was home by 5pm. I have to say since then I have read some horrible things about miscarrying at home so I am glad that I did that. But I understand it's not for eveeryone.
If she does mc at home, i think she'll need you there
so sorry to hear the news
x

 

[Drazic<3]

Im so sorry to hear this sad news.
I think it varies massively on the ruling of the hospital. It might be worth calling NHS direct for some information on her behalf?

 

[todteach]

oh hun, send your friend a big hug. this breaks my heart.

Well, my first pregnancy was miscarried at twelve weeks, and I had a d&c. Only to discover that ten days later I needed to have a second one, as they didn't remove everything and I developed an infection. Sorry, maybe to much information. When they do a d&c it is pretty much a blind sweep, as they don't have a camera or scope to ensure that everything has been removed. I was in utter pain when I developed the infection, on the verge of passing out, but had nothing to compare it to, as this was my first miscarriage, thought it was normal. So, please if your friend goes this route, make sure if she develops a fever, passes large clots, is in extreme pain to make sure she heads back to the hospital. * please note that this does not happen to everyone, most d&cs are completly fine, just had a really bad experience * I don't mean to scare you. Sorry.

My second pregnancy, lost at seven weeks, i was sent home to miscarry naturally. (I was 10 weeks pregnant when I completed my miscarriage, baby measured at seven weeks on the scan.) I did not expect the process to be as it was. I initially had spotting, turned to bleeding for two days, then I had contractions for approximately seven hours and passed the sac at home. Seven days later, the bleeding has slowed down and has turned to dark brown again. I was in a lot of pain, but considering that I had an infection last time due to the d&c, I don't know which one I would choose if it happened again.

I was told the second time that I wouldn't see the baby, that it would be just like a heavy period. (the natural miscarriage) Which granted it was like a heavy period, with contractions. But I did see the baby. My doctor did not prepare me for that at all. But I think I have passed everything naturally on my own. No need to be put under either.

For me it would be difficult to choose the lesser of two evils. The emotional pain afterwards is really what hurts the most. Please try to give your friend all the support she needs right now. She is going to need lots of hugs, love and support.

 

[natthecat]

Thanks everyone

I just didn't emotionally have the strength to call NHS as only 2 weeks ago, my younger sister lost her son, Cory, 5 (one week off being 6). His funeral is this friday.

So my head is already spinning from that. I just don't understand how cruel the world is.

 

[Shelby2007]

I had an early scan (due to some slight bleeding at 5 weeks) - and found that my idenitcal twins did not have a heart beat at 9 weeks.. I had no bleeding other than the small amount at 5 weeks. I body was NOT going to m/c naturally.

My dr. prescribed Misoprostal to induce my m/c.. she suggested this over a d&c.. and I would suggest it to anyone. But make sure she has some sort of pain medicine! And def make sure she has someone there for support.. or to make a trip to the hospital if she gets bad (like lots of bleeing - soaking a pad every 30 minutes.. or is she simply cant handle the pain)

Im sorry she is going through this.. it is awful!

 

[Shelby2007]

Nat.. Im so sorry about your nephew. That is so sad to your family and you.

 

[Jessa]

I had a mmc at approximately 14 weeks. The doctor gave me some tablets vaginally that brought the miscarriage on within about six hours. Being farther along, everything didn't come out and I ended up having to have a D&C anyway. Like todteach said though, miscarrying at home was the absolute worst experience of my life. I did see my baby (which was about 3 inches long). He/she had definable arms and legs and I've had a really hard time getting that picture out of my head.

Having said that, your friend isn't as far along as I was, so the baby will not be as big. If I were to have to go through another miscarriage again (which I really hope I don't!), I would choose to have the D&C right away unless I was earlier than 6 or 7 weeks.

I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew. *hugs*

 

[natthecat]

Thanks all

They have advised she should have an ERPC and she's having it done tomorrow, so i'll be going with er so her hubby can take the other kids to and from school etc.

Thanks for everyones advice xxx