Advice Needed Please

[WhiteGeisha]

So most of you will have probably read my threads in this section re FOB.

Today I had a mw appointment and my antenatal class has been changed from next sunday to this sunday....

FOB leaves to go back to the army next sunday so was not able to come and suggested booking private classes....long story short...he let me down on them...now they have changed he will be in the country....should I tell him or just go with my mate...after all, he has messed me about, let me down and treated me like poo! Hasn't contributed a penny and still to this day has not helped me out.

What shall I do? I really want him at the birth and he wants to be there...but I don't at the same time because he has no respect for me whatsoever!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

hi,im new to this thing! by the sounds of things he isnt that interested! Dont run after him and see how he behaves! makes me sooo MAD!! grrrr... he let you down and hasnt helped you either! I guess it is your choice about him being there for the birth(im just as confused whether or not I want my A$$hole at mine r not),but if he doesnt have respect for you I would seriously think twice about it! Its a very personal thing id imagine intrusive too! you need sum1 who cares beside you...who WONT stress you out even more!!

 

[scottishgal89]

To be honest, I wouldn't bother. He didn't make an effort and let you down completely, I remember the other thread.
You don't need the stress of him being there and moaning because he doesn't want to be. I would take a friend or your Mum. My Mum went to mine with me.
As for him being at the birth, IMO from what I have read, he shouldn't be there. He wont support you properly and trust me, you need that.
Do what you need for you, don't worry about how he feels about it.
It's you who has to go threw everything. Concentrate on you and bubs

 

[WhiteGeisha]

Thanks ladies, you are both right.

That's how I was feeling but I just thought I would see what others thought! he hasn't made any attempt to contact me ever in this pregnancy, I always contact him first so I although I know he is the most stubborn person going, even if he truly cared he would have been in touch at some point...and he never has.

I will see if my friend is free x

 

[scottishgal89]

How do you feel about the birth? Is there anyone else who can be a birth partner?
I hope the class goes okay

 

[LittleMadam]

Hi WhiteGeisha,

You are doing the right thing going ahead without him. There's only so much chasing you can (or should) do. Besides, labour is such an intense experience (understatement), that you need someone there you are confortable with and can rely on.

All the best.xxx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

How do you feel about the birth? Is there anyone else who can be a birth partner?
I hope the class goes okay

I wanted him there..but I keep saying "for the wrong reasons". I want him there because I want us all to be together. He wants to be there so he can take a pic as soon as he is born and send it to his mates like a trophy! I told him I need him there for me not just the end result and he said he would be but after the way he's treated me how can he be?!

He will be in Afghan now for the birth so will not be coming, if he does I have to send the paperwork to his boss for them to let him back for 2 weeks. As we are not talking, I haven't done this and he leaves a week tomorrow so I can't see him making contact before then!

My friend is supposed to be my birthing partner, but I think she'll need the gas & air more than me so I am not filled with confidence....it's hard to find someone i'm close to and trust enough to be there, part of me would rather just go on my own!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

I know how you feel!!! my heads a mess about the birth too!! like yourself im thinking "itd be nice we would all be together" but am not sure what his reason for coming would be ,as hes treated me like $hit lately and doesnt seem to care at all!! Im also thinking seeing me give birth might be a wake up call! ...but like most ppl have said you need the support!If I was you I would wait the week and see if he contacts you! DONT CALL R TEXT! as hard as it is(i know!),but it will show you if hes really bothered and surely it WILL be playing on his mind before he goes away! besides its not up to you to get the paperwork etc sorted with his boss! thats up to him you have enough to do chick.

 

[gemabee]

white geisha... can ur mum/ aunty/ etc not go with u?
my mum is my birthing partner, with my grandma as a back up (my mum lives 3 hours away).
i've decided that i would prefer someone in with me who's given birth before... as they'll be able to give me the most support.
in this case i don't think the fob has any right to be at the birth or any of the classes!!
try nd get used to the idea that its jus gonna be u... that'll make u a hell of a lot stronger... nd in the long run if u do end up all together it'll be a bonus... not cos u feel like u need him xxx

 

[WhiteGeisha]

white geisha... can ur mum/ aunty/ etc not go with u?
my mum is my birthing partner, with my grandma as a back up (my mum lives 3 hours away).
i've decided that i would prefer someone in with me who's given birth before... as they'll be able to give me the most support.
in this case i don't think the fob has any right to be at the birth or any of the classes!!
try nd get used to the idea that its jus gonna be u... that'll make u a hell of a lot stronger... nd in the long run if u do end up all together it'll be a bonus... not cos u feel like u need him xxx

Me and my mum have never had a great relationship...she is all for her boys! I have 3 brothers. We are just like chalk and cheese. I'd end up killing her. We just don't have that sort of close relationship, never have. I would feel more weird having her there than FOB x

 

[scottishgal89]

I think it's best he's not back for it and I think you know that deep down.
Have faith in your friend. Discuss it all with her before hand.
I bet she'll surprise you on the day

 

[gemabee]

I think it's best he's not back for it and I think you know that deep down.
Have faith in your friend. Discuss it all with her before hand.
I bet she'll surprise you on the day

i agree... tell ur friend to 'man up'!
lol, just stay strong, nd i'm sure ur friend will be everythin u need her to be... friends are invaluble in these situations... mine have been invaluble to me xx