Advice Needed

[buttercups]

I am new to this site and don't know if I am on the right forum but I am just wanting a little advice.

My boyfriend is going to be a dad at christmas, he remained friendly with his ex until august then she stopped all contact and although my boyfriend kept on trying to make sure his ex and the baby was ok there was no response until the other day when she text saying if he doesnt leave her alone legal action will be taken. Can she do this? Has she got any grounds to do this? My boyfriend wants to be a father to his baby and has already started a fund to give to his ex which she asked for.

 

[lily123]

Hi hun.
so sorry i don't know what to suggest, but i think you may have posted in the wrong section, this is Single Parents.
x

 

[buttercups]

yeah i didnt know if this was the correct forum cos there seperated. Iv now looked a bit more and posted on another part of the site.
Hope I havent offended anyone on this forum.

 

[scottishgal89]

I think she did post in the correct section. Could put it in a couple.
She is asking a question regarding her OH who has a child with someone else, there are people in here who are single and have a similar situation to him only the other way round. (or infact the same way, there are guys here too.)

So sorry his ex is acting like that.
I don't think she can take legal action unless he has done something wrong- harassment, threats.
However, I think he should go and seek legal advice and fight to see his baby if he wants to, either threw mediation or court when the time comes if his ex wont let him see LO.
If I was him I would text her now and again and ask how the baby is. Apart from that I wouldn't say much incase she twists it but as soon as LO arrives, he should get things moving quickly
Hope it works out

 

[gemabee]

i think the op posted in the right section because she wants to see whether her oh's ex (who is a single mum) is in the right with what she is doing / saying.

even tho she is morally wrong in excludin ur partner... she doesn't have to have any one-to-one contact if she doesn't want to (ie. she can be as awkward as she wants)... if ur oh keeps textin her nd tryin to force contact then she can try nd say she is bein harassed.
ur oh will jus have to wait until the baby is born nd then take the legal route - its awful nd a bit pathetic of his ex to do this because she should be wantin the best for her lo nd its lovely that ur oh is still tryin to support her nd accept his responsibilites.
hope u get it all worked out.
xx

 

[buttercups]

Thank you all for your support.
I think the reason he tries to ring and text her is cos he wants to show the world that he has tried to make sure there ok before the baby was born. As it looks like legal action will have to be taken. Has anyone had to take legal action or do mediation?

Im convinced she has stopped talking to my OH because I am now in the picture but she has been dating her new OH since she was about 6 weeks pregnant (im still convinced he maybe the father)

 

[gemabee]

i'm afraid when it comes to legal action / mediation... we're all on the other side of the fence on that one.
i wouldn't really know what to advise on the side of the fob jus the mum.
but i'm afraid when it comes to children its the mums who hold all the cards... if he is definately the father he will need to make sure he gets on the birth certificate tho... without that he has no rights.
normally the mum will get the csa involved nd the csa will take everythin from there nd he jus needs to do what he's told basically.
if that doesn't happen ur oh will have to go see a family law solicitor nd they will guide him in what he needs to do.

but as much as he wants to try nd be there... he'll have to take a step back until the baby is born... in the eyes of the law... its the baby not the mother he has a right to contact with... nd she sounds like the kind of person who will try nd get a harassment order in place... nd that will make things soooo much more difficult when the baby arrives.

xx

 

[buttercups]

Can you get CSA involved but not put the FOB name on the birth certificate.
My OH and his ex have already started CSA stuff, but that doesnt mean he has rights to see the baby does it?

I know most of you are on the 'other side of the fence' so im grateful for your help. Thanks.

 

[teal]

I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere but where I am if they're not married then he will have to be there when the mum registers the birth.
If she doesn't put him on the birth certificate then he'd have to go through court to have his name added so he would then have equal rights.

It's wonderful that he wants to be involved and sorry to hear she's making it difficult.

Sorry can't be more helpful but I don't have much advice on it because I don't have any contact with my ex/fob xx

 

[gemabee]

Can you get CSA involved but not put the FOB name on the birth certificate.
My OH and his ex have already started CSA stuff, but that doesnt mean he has rights to see the baby does it?

I know most of you are on the 'other side of the fence' so im grateful for your help. Thanks.

u can get csa involved nd not put fob on birth certificate... but thats normally a route that has to be taken when the fob is tryin to be an arse!
if he wants full parental rights he will have to be on b/c (nd he will have to go with her to register the birth otherwise he can't go on b/c)... the only way he will get rights to see the baby is by goin through the courts... not sure whether the csa will help with this.
but my friend nd his ex have sorted out the financial arrangements through the csa AND he is havin to see a family law solicitor nd take it through the courts to get a proper parental agreement in place.
even if she is nice re. visitation / contact at first... i'd still advise u to go through the courts nd get an order in place... my friends ex was fab with visitation... until he got a new gf... now she's bloody awkward!!
xx

 

[buttercups]

I have been so confused about all of this cos im not really involved and I have come on here to get advice and you have all been wonderful thank you all so much.
My OH is/was trying to do everything correctly without involving legal action but it seems he will have to. Is it expensive to take legal action to get a name on the birth certificate? And can his ex put his name on it if he doesn't go with her?

 

[gemabee]

I have been so confused about all of this cos im not really involved and I have come on here to get advice and you have all been wonderful thank you all so much.
My OH is/was trying to do everything correctly without involving legal action but it seems he will have to. Is it expensive to take legal action to get a name on the birth certificate? And can his ex put his name on it if he doesn't go with her?

no he has to go with her to go on the birth certificate... i think u can get a court order afterwards to change the birth certificate but this would mean more solicitor costs.
sadly he is gonna have to involve legal action... it can very rarely be done without.
unless he can get legal aid (maybe he should start applyin for that now)... then it will be costly.
what i do advise is he should phone the citizens advice bureau nd make an appointment to go in nd have a lengthy discussion regardin his rights nd what he should do next.
xx

 

[buttercups]

I have been so confused about all of this cos im not really involved and I have come on here to get advice and you have all been wonderful thank you all so much.
My OH is/was trying to do everything correctly without involving legal action but it seems he will have to. Is it expensive to take legal action to get a name on the birth certificate? And can his ex put his name on it if he doesn't go with her?

no he has to go with her to go on the birth certificate... i think u can get a court order afterwards to change the birth certificate but this would mean more solicitor costs.
sadly he is gonna have to involve legal action... it can very rarely be done without.
unless he can get legal aid (maybe he should start applyin for that now)... then it will be costly.
what i do advise is he should phone the citizens advice bureau nd make an appointment to go in nd have a lengthy discussion regardin his rights nd what he should do next.
xx

Thanks so much for your advice. I will tell my OH this is what he needs to do. He probably already knows all this and im probably just sticking my nose in. But I feel even more annoyed at his ex now cos ive come on here and met all of you guys who are having problems with the fob and she is sticking her nose up to him.

I take it your due today gem? Congrats and good luck.

 

[gemabee]

I have been so confused about all of this cos im not really involved and I have come on here to get advice and you have all been wonderful thank you all so much.
My OH is/was trying to do everything correctly without involving legal action but it seems he will have to. Is it expensive to take legal action to get a name on the birth certificate? And can his ex put his name on it if he doesn't go with her?

no he has to go with her to go on the birth certificate... i think u can get a court order afterwards to change the birth certificate but this would mean more solicitor costs.
sadly he is gonna have to involve legal action... it can very rarely be done without.
unless he can get legal aid (maybe he should start applyin for that now)... then it will be costly.
what i do advise is he should phone the citizens advice bureau nd make an appointment to go in nd have a lengthy discussion regardin his rights nd what he should do next.
xx

Thanks so much for your advice. I will tell my OH this is what he needs to do. He probably already knows all this and im probably just sticking my nose in. But I feel even more annoyed at his ex now cos ive come on here and met all of you guys who are having problems with the fob and she is sticking her nose up to him.

I take it your due today gem? Congrats and good luck.

thanks hun i hope u get it all sorted... but feel free to pop back for advice if u need to
it was my due date yesterday... but my little man is extremely comfy nd doesn't want to budge!
xx

 

[julietz]

Your partner is doing good, she rly doesnt know how lucky she is to have the father wanting to be involved with the babys life, he can pay his maintenance to her through the legal system so he is covered, and also if he wants access he has every right which will mean he pays less maintenance for the amount of time he has this child, i think it is rly nice you supporting him, i dnt think she can get an order to keep him away, there would have to be proof, and he doesnt need to comunicate through her if she is awkward, he can just do it through the legal system, and depending if your on low income you can be covered for legal costs which wont cost you anything, gl hun

 

[buttercups]

All of this is really good and helpful advice. Thank you.