advice needed

[lorus2680]

hi im currently 36 weeks pregnant with my 5th child (i have 4 from a previous relationship) but me and my bumps father split up back in oct after a lot of complications (namely his ex wont let him see thier kids while he was with me) anyway hes prone to a drink and whe he drinks he gets depressed about her not letting him see his 2 kids and he takes it out on me well since we split he has been back and forth and to help him and make things easier i went to solicitors and drew up a contract letting him see his son 2 days a week so he would know that i wouldnt stop him from seeing his son, but recently he done it again he got drunk and phoned me up and blamed me for his problems but he also threatened to kill me, brn down my house and cut me open take his baby and watch me bleed to death and he said al this over phone in front of his mother who then took the phone off him and blamed me for his behaviour called me a bitch and hung up. i then called the police and they arrested him charged him and he has been bailed outside of out town untill he attends a court hearing in jan and hes also been tagged but i feel guilty, ive taken him away from his family and his children over christmas and also what if he gets sent down he wont see his kids, but my other dilemma is do i stop him from seeing his son now or should i stick to the agreement i made with him my family tell me to not let him be involved but i dont know if i could do that any advice would be greatly recieved and sorry for the long rant x

 

[laura1991]

Hugs
He shouldn't speak to you like that hun. All your trying to do is whats best for your children. I think you might be best telling him he needs to sort himself out first but you let him see his children, he needs to be more stable to look after them xx

 

[chels24uk]

i agree with your family. Your kids cant see someone speaking to and treating you like that. Hows that going to affect them? You should tell him to get professional help before he can see the kids. If hes that serious about his children, then he will do it. Your looking out for your children, and he should have more respect for you as you are raising his son. Dont feel guilty, you done what you had to do *hugs* xx

 

[miss cakes]

wow what a shithead! saying that though whatever he says to you he should probably be given one chance to be a good dad to your baby however if he messes that up then id cut him out of your life for good x

 

[Bebe1]

I am in a similar situation, and am heartbroken for you.

The fear doesn't go away. Sometimes the love doesn't either, which makes it so incredibly difficult.

I found out I was pregnant two weeks after I left my baby's father. I left him because he broke my nose and almost ruptured my eye socket. I did not call the police. I have no idea why. Ashamed?

He has a drinking problem, which he hid for about a year before I found out.

He is physically, and emotionally abusive. It all started out small, with verbal threats. Please be aware that verbal threats are legitimate, and often escalate.

I'm hoping to hear your updates. I feel for you. My stomach turned upside down when I read the things he had said to you.

My ex was perfect when he was sober. The man of my dreams. When the drinking began, it was an entirely different person. Is this the same with yours?

 

[lorus2680]

Thank you all for your advice and kind words, I did receive a call from the police saying he wanted to change his bail conditions to his mums address which I gave in to guilt and told the police I was fine with him being at his mums 5 mins away as long as he was still tagged but they (police) didn't want that and were going to oppose it anyway he is now at a different address but still not aloud in our town, and I also had a text from his dad saying happy new year which was nice or so I thought, cause I replied after discussing it with my sister to just say happy new year back and it was a trap as it opened the door for him to have a go at me stating that "did I know what I had done" "that I had lost him his son" etc so I just replied saying and I quote "you say you lost your son but I lost some one I loved and my babys father" he didn't reply funnily enough so now I just gotta wait till 25th for a court date. And bebe1 yes he was my perfect partner everything I dreamed when sober he was the best until a drink passed his lips 

 

[Bebe1]

Is he still drinking, or did the courts require him to start treatment or anything? Keep me posted please