Advice on 5 year old?

[Ceejay123]

My little sister lily is five years old. She's an incredibly forward child, you've been able to hold a serious conversation with her since she turned two so she's very understanding. My mum often tells me I need to treat her like a five year old; she feels I expect too much, whereas I maintain that I treat her like an individual.. For who she is and what's she's capable of rather than a set age.

Because she's very understanding, if she misbehaves I sit her down, explain to her why what she did was wrong, and she usually apologises and shows brilliant understanding and takes on board what ive said. My mum however is extremely lenient with her as she's her baby. She never was with me or my older sister (22 and 24). She often tells lily off then feels bad, smiles and lily will grin. so of course I'm the one that's mean to her? (Mums words, lily adores me and never wants to leave my home)

So yesterday for the first time lily was told off at school. She got into an argument with a child and bit them! I so confused, she's never so much as pushed another child, she's so eager to be liked and have friends!

How would you handle this? I told my mum to sit her down and tell her what she did and why it was wrong, and explain to her why she can't use physical force on another child. My mum laughed at me, told me she's way too young, and made her go without her iPad for the night, and no cartoons :s

Do you think I'm daft to expect her to understand if I sat her down? I know shed sit there feeling all guilty, apologise, (she said sorry to the child straight away), And that shed understand. She sobbed when my mum told her shed told me about it, bless her, she's terrified of disappointment poor girl . X

 

[hel_5]

Of course i would explain it to my 5yr old, I explain everything to my 2yr old, no she doesn't understand it all but she understands some/most of it.

I don't understand why your mum doesn't just talk to her , if my 2yr old does something wrong (like hit her brother) offen my 5yr old will come straight out with 'Emma you shouldn't do that as it hurts james'

I'm truly baffled as to why your mum thinks she's too young to understand xx

 

[Ceejay123]

Me too. My mum prefers to punish her by taking away things she likes.. I.E sweets/treats and television/her ipad. I think shes way too young for that. I get it in the neck off my mum for how i discipline her.. because I don't let her get away with things. but it means when shes with me shes an angel, because she knows i don't give in. We have a blast together, but if she does go too far.. I.E getting jealous over my son when he was first born and trying to throw something near/at him, then I very sternly sit her down. Tell her what she did was wrong, why it's wrong, and that if she does it again I will be 'Very upset'. She always sobs, because she hates to disappoint people. The best thing you can tell her is how proud you are of her. My mum thinks because I make her sob, and don't let her 'get away' with things, that I treat her like shes 10-11, rather than 5.

 

[hel_5]

TBH my friends have 5yr olds (and some younger and older) and all the kids are treated the same, they all get told off/explained to as why x, y and z was wrong, they might get something taken away as well, but the talking is there as well

Lucy gets much more upset if you explain things properly as to why it's wrong (rather than taking something away), but at the same time she doesn't do it again

I just don't get why you wouldn't talk to your child, I've been thinking about it and I've always explained why, I do it with my 9 month old (as in 'ah ah that will hurt mummy/emma/Lucy') to me that's just what you do xx

 

[seoj]

She's 5yrs, not 2mos... of course she'll have an understanding of what she did and why it was wrong. Just punishing her without explaining or trying to understand why she bite that other kid- honestly, seems a bit more harsh to me. Growing up, we were pretty much never grounded or "punished"- but if we needed time to cool down, then we could go to our room and deal- then when we were done, my Mom would always sit us down and talk through what happened... she's just listen and give us the chance to explain and try to figure it all out ouselves. I always wanted my parents respect- and I rarely lied to them as I trusted them because they trusted me and showed me respect.

I will do the same with my LO as she grows (I already do)- we do the same with our oldest. She never wants to disappoint us- and always comes clean when she doesn't something wrong- but she is such a great kid- very respectful, loving and self assured. I want her to continue to be independent and strong and it's rare she really get's in trouble- we always talk things out.

Sounds like maybe your Mom either doesn't want to deal with it- and just do what is easier, or, she really doesn't get it. Have you asked her how she was with you growing up? Do you remember what she did that you might encourage her to do with your little sister? Just some thoughts.

 

[RachA]

I could understand this at 2years but at 5 they definitely understand things. My son is nearly 6 years and we talk about what he's done wrong and why etc. We do also punish by taking things away if we think it's needed - i.e. if he is throwing things and he's told not to but still does then we will take away what he is throwing.


I agree with Seoj about asking your mum what she did with you growing up. It may be that she finds it too hard dealing with your sister in the same way she dealt with you.

 

[Ceejay123]

With my and my sister my mum was very stern - she was a single mum. (Lily has her dad in the picture) me and Danielle had a lot of respect and were terrified of upsetting out mum. Shed never physically touch us, but the disappointment was so scary. We grew up as the loving children that all of my mums friends were jealous of. We were respectful, never got in trouble or did anything wrong at school graduated top of our classes.

She's so lenient with her baby though. As if she's softened as she's grown up. She knows she's soft, she laughs about it.

I took lily out today to soft play with my little man. Over dinner, I said
"Sweetheart I'm not telling you off, mummy's done that. Can I ask why you bit the other child?" She shrugged all upset in that way kids do when they dont want to say something. I said "I'm not mad any more sweetheart, I just want to know why it happened. " she said she was arguing and got angry and did it, then felt bad and didn't mean to and said sorry.

I said "okay sweetheart. Well done for saying sorry. Next time you're fighting walk away and talk to the teacher, it's not nice to bite someone because it can make them really hurt and upset. You wouldn't like it if they'd bitten you would you. " she said no. Then I told her she was a good girl for being honest and that I hoped she wouldn't do it again, and changed the topic so that shed have a nice time at soft play x

 

[RachA]

It sounds like you handled it really well. I know it's hard on her mum but at least she gets some idea of how to behave from you. Hopefully you'll have a good influence on Lily. I know that it will mean that there are times when she doesn't like you (as is the case with mums in general I think) but Lily will at least know where she stands with you and learn to behave how she should even when not with you

 

[m4nc3r]

Lol... sorry I'm just laughing at this mentality... the girl is too young to "talk to her" but she's not to young to have a £300 Ipad?

Okay sorry that was probably more hurtful than it needed to be, but it is amusing lol

My boy is only 2, but I came on this forum because I'm starting to feel like the toddler section isn't so relevant to him sometimes. I always sit down and talk to him about what he does wrong. Even if Daddy tells me he's done something serious (like tantrum in the middle of crossing the road) I'll return home from work and hear about it and we sit down and talk about it... he knows what he's done he can repeat it to the letter several hours after the event!!

Your sister is bright, you know that, but older women are soft. My mum is the same, she doesn't punish Zane for anything, doesn't even tell him he's been naughty except by joking about it. I think as they get older, they just want the kids to stay kids... Mum and MIL are always saying we shouldn't push the children to grow up... but I think they get delusional about the difference between being children and being children that can also act with intelligence.

 

[Ceejay123]

Lol... sorry I'm just laughing at this mentality... the girl is too young to "talk to her" but she's not to young to have a £300 Ipad?

Okay sorry that was probably more hurtful than it needed to be, but it is amusing lol

My boy is only 2, but I came on this forum because I'm starting to feel like the toddler section isn't so relevant to him sometimes. I always sit down and talk to him about what he does wrong. Even if Daddy tells me he's done something serious (like tantrum in the middle of crossing the road) I'll return home from work and hear about it and we sit down and talk about it... he knows what he's done he can repeat it to the letter several hours after the event!!

Your sister is bright, you know that, but older women are soft. My mum is the same, she doesn't punish Zane for anything, doesn't even tell him he's been naughty except by joking about it. I think as they get older, they just want the kids to stay kids... Mum and MIL are always saying we shouldn't push the children to grow up... but I think they get delusional about the difference between being children and being children that can also act with intelligence.

I completely agree with you! Haha. My dad bought her the iPad she uses it for 'educational games' .. Cough, colouring..