Advice on changing DHs mind

[goddess25]

So I know i am very early but knowing how fast it went last time i am thinking about what i would like to happen this time around.

I would like a home birth but I dont think my husband is going to agree has anyone faced this with there partner and did they just gradually come round to the idea during your pregnancy?
He has such opposition to it as I had to be taken to theatre for ? forceps delivery/c-section but they managed to get baby out with forceps, i had extensive 3rd degree tearing over everywhere and i lost approx 2 litres of blood so I can understand why he is scared about it.

Any tips to try and coax him around.

I have my first midwife appointment on Friday and am going to mention home birth to her in our chat.

 

[bubbles]

my DH was very dubious about a homebirth at first, I managed to convince him it was a good idea then changed my mind, so I had to convince him all over again (I'm not changing my mind this time). I just found loads of info including the stats for 'normal' births at our local hospital (59% of births at our hospital ended in some form of intervention) and just got him to have a read through. TBH the second time I decided on a homebirth I was pretty determined to do it anyway, just wanted to know he was with me 100% on the decision

 

[pinkmummy]

My OH was the same. I decided at my 8 week check I wanted a HB but OH was against it. We put it out of the picture until around 35 weeks when I had managed to conivnce OH it would be a better idea than hospital and he loved every minute of it. My OH was more worried about the mess etc LOL xx

 

[summer rain]

My husband was worried about the mess and also any safety aspects (he originally comes from a country where homebirth is illegal; though most women give birth in birthing centres there); but I ended up having our second baby at a hospital up near my parents as I was so traumatised by my horrific experiences during my first birth and afterwards (filthy hospital, complete lack of respect for privacy and space by staff, outdated medical practices, etc etc); the second birth was so quick and straightforward he realised the first hospital was probably the cause of a lot of the problems and also I'd never get to the hospital in time if we decided to go to another better one. So gradually he came around and after having my last son at home; now hes a real homebirth advocate. He is now reading up on delivering himself should the midwives not get here in time!

Soph

 

[Blob]

I think most men are against it at first... i think the facts and figures are what bring them around. My DH took quite a lot of convincing and now i think he's quite exited

 

[lozzy21]

Mine took little to no convincing. Mostly because he knows if i get an idea in my head there is no changing it

 

[Celesse]

Mine took little to no convincing. Mostly because he knows if i get an idea in my head there is no changing it

Mine was pretty much the same. I basically told him I'm having a home birth, if you don't like it then you don't have to be there. My body, my labour, my home. He was very supportive and is also supportive when we make #2 and go for a HBAC. After-all its more relaxed for dad's at home as well.

 

[goddess25]

I am going to buy a good book and keep speaking to him about it.. I can understand why he feels this way. I know I am carrying the baby but for me he is a huge part of my delivery he was my support first time around and will be this time, he is awesome and I just want him to be on board if he really really does not want to after my convincing then I will go to the hospital. The care I got there was awesome so no real complaints.

 

[Heather M]

my DH was concerned about homebirth in the beginning as he didn't know to much about it and was concerned about safety for me and the baby if anything were to happen. We initially went to our MW thinking we would have the birth in the hospital with the possibility of home birth. I had him come to A LOT of my MW appointments with me (luckily this was able to happen), and it was great to have them talk about it with us. He also read the book "The Birth Partner" which he found very helpful. Eventually through our own process and discussion we determined together this was the better option for us. He's from the UK and his family were a little dubious as the system with midwives is a little different over there. They hadn't seen many women have a home birth for their first baby so they kinda thought we were crazy. I was amazed to see how much he defended our decision to them!

Throughout the process my husband was a little squeamish about the whole birth process but when we developed our birth plan he out of the blue said he wanted to catch the baby!

We had our little girl last thursday, successfully at home, my DH caught the baby and cut the cord and we were both so touched and blessed by the whole experience!

Hopefully everything works out for you as you go through this process together!!!

 

[wannabubba#4]

My DH thought it was a stupid idea -not that he'd ever have stopped (or tried lol) of letting me do it MY way haha, but now he is really into it and really excited. He tells everyone that we are having a home water birth, family, friends, neighbours, workmates, aquaintances lol -I told my closest friends and family but he has been shouting it from the roof tops haha

I left the pc on, with home birth stories for him to find and read -especially the ones from OH's experiences (homebirth org sites -MM's first post on Homebirth hopefuls thread, top thread -front page).
Also get armed with facts and figures and sit him down and tell him why you want it.

I told my DH at about 22 weeks that I was considering it, he would change the subject, smirk or do anything NOT to discuss it .I never pushed it but kept making litle comments about how nice it would be for him NOT to have to leave us after delivery; how nice it would be, to be in OUR domain, OUR house rules etc - not getting told what/ where etc, and how safer it is potentially because of 1) reduced infection risk 2) no chance of him having to deliver baby on the motorway haha (last labour was 2 hrs) 3) having a mw (and 2 at delivery) all to myself; rather than sharing the over stretched mw's with a whole labour suite of women at all different stages of delivery. I also informed him that if for any reason we had to have a c-sect /assisted delivery then it would be picked much earlier by the mw as she was only caring fro me, the theatre would still need to be prepped, which would give us ample time to get there.

By 28 weeks when I spoke ot my mw- he totally on board.

Hope you dont have too much opposition; it must be scary for him though if he witnessed a traumatic time last labour.

xx

 

[Adela Quested]

I think most men are against it at first... i think the facts and figures are what bring them around. My DH took quite a lot of convincing and now i think he's quite exited

That's what my midwife said - I live in the Netherlands where home births are reasonably common (I think maybe 30% of births here are at home?) and apparently men are far less likely to go for the idea. (Well I'm being polite - I said that my boyfriend wasn't so keen and she laughed and said, "Oh men always want you to go to hospital! )

 

[goddess25]

I know he is scared... i spoke with my midwife yesterday and she told me to tell my OH that because I live so close to a hospital they would have me in theatre almost as quickly as if i were in the hospital anyway. I told him this yesterday and he seemed ok. He asked me what I had told the midwife when she asked me where i wanted to give birth. He then said did you tell her here, i said yes and then I told him what she said about the theatre. He never said much about it.

I will need to do some research about it all.

 

[Blob]

If he didnt say much then he prob is just digesting it...just let him mull it over and soon he will be happy